From the Darkness Comes My Light
by blackandtandogs
Summary: Back at Starfleet set between the movie & graduation. Spock & Uhura have to deal with changes in their relationship while at Model United Federation of Planets conference held in NY. Beware Bone's cursing, I'll try to keep him under control!
1. Chapter 1

From the Darkness Comes My Light

Disclaimer:

They aren't mine. I'm just playing. They are owned by their respective parties. None of which are associated with me.

I've gotten my ideas for this from a lot of places. My husband went to a military school/service academy, and is in the military. So that helps with some of this. A good friend's son is in a school that has a Model UN. I thought that was a different idea that hadn't been used yet. I also got some of my ideas from the movies web site. They have the characters dossiers there. That was interesting. There were lots of tid-bits on the characters that weren't covered in the movie. And then there's the movie's tie in book. Zachary Quinto reads it. I loved his voice. He's also good at sounding like some of the characters too. He does Bones wonderfully! If you haven't heard it go to get it! Also Wikipedia, I love that site! The epilogue of the audio-book is the reason I decided to set this after the movie.

As a side note; I don't like stories that make Kirk out to be a moron. He's not, does no one remember the line "Genius level repeat offender" from the movie? Or that his test scores were off the charts? Also in service academies, if the person is military, even retired, they are addressed by their rank. If they are a civilian working there, the would be addressed by the appropriate title - Doctor, Professor, Sir, Ma'am, Mr., or Ms. Spock would be Commander, as this is rank. One of the popular phrases that would probably apply to why he's teaching is "Other duties as assigned." Meaning that since he's not on his ship, and they are still paying him they 'found' him a job. Like my husband is a helicopter pilot. That's his military job, but if he's not flying they have other things for him to do, like being the "mail guy" for his unit, or armament officer, or sky boss. I just wanted to share these things with anyone who might be interested on the insight. If you have any other questions let me know, I'd be happy to help!

One more - I don't have a beta, an am dyslexic. Which in my case means I worry more about letters and spelling. Unfortunately, this leaves punctuation and grammar to fall by the wayside and I've never learned them well. Spell check is my best friend but, I beg your forgiveness in advance. I will try my hardest, and am willing to correct what you kindly point out.

But hey, if you're in need of a challenge as a beta I'd love your help!

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_It is astonishing how quickly people can go from imitate catastrophe back to the boredom of daily routine. Back on the ground, back at Star Fleet there was still much to do...._

A handful of cadets made their way into the small theatre that had been scheduled for this meeting. Each new arrival took turns asking the same question, "Does anybody know why we're here? Do you think the meeting will last long enough for us not to have to go back to our last class?" Not that they minded being pulled from their various classes. It was just unusual. Although 'unusual' was all be becoming the standard operating procedure on campus as of late.

Never before had a graduating class been given so much leeway in the history or Star Fleet. But then again no class had ever accomplished so much. This class of unofficial officers with no real experience had managed in the matter of a couple of days to save as many as possible of one of the founding races of the Federation, save the home planet of the Federation, stop the mad, murderous Romulan responsible for the aforementioned acts, and all with imaginable odds stacked against them. But they had done all these things, defiantly so, admirable so, and it had earned them the right to be called heroes before they'd even technically graduated.

The din of conversation grew until the newly promoted Admiral Christopher Pike ambled in causing it all to come to attention quickly. The call of "Admiral on Deck!" wasn't needed but it was given anyway. "At ease people," he called as he made his way to the front of the room. He was out of his auto chair, but only just, and it was only by sheer determination alone. Not many knew the punishment his body had endured at the hands of his captures. Those that knew held a new respect for him, they also knew that he still had a few more surgeries yet to come.

He was flanked by instructors from the all the major departments in the Academy. The gathered students took their seats while excited whispers could be heard again throughout the room. All of which again came to an abrupt halt with a look from Admiral Pike. He reached the podium and began. "As you know we've been asked to put together a team for this year's Model United Federation of Planets. I don't have to tell you it's an honor to be chosen, even more so since this year's conference is going to be held in New York, on Star Fleet's West Point Military Academy campus. It will be held during your upcoming fall break."

Excited grumbles, and displeased groans of conversation broke out again across the gathered group. Yes, it was an honor to be chosen, but it also meant you'd be giving up your much anticipated break. A break which included Thanksgiving and the December holidays. However the upside to going would be that you were a stone's throw from downtown New York City for the turning of the new year. As a result certain students were already conspiring how to make it to Times Square for the event before they'd found out whether or not they'd actually been selected.

Admiral Pike wasn't phased by the interrupting conversations. Raising his voice slightly to bring them back on task, "We are here to announce those of you who have been chosen to go as our delegates. It was decided by factoring in grades, proficiency, character..." At this he shot a student a pointed look. Which James Kirk was good enough to look abashed at. Hero or not James Kirk's love for the females of any species had not been dampened, with the addition to that little four letter word he had been given more opportunities than ever to show his appreciation of almost all things female. "... so if your name is not called return to your classes. We want to thank all of you that submitted your dossiers for our consideration. Commander Spock, if you please." With that said commander stepped forward and began reading the list.

There were no real surprises at whose names were called, even as students they had just saved the world. As soon as Spock finished Pike spoke up again. "Thank you for your time. We encourage those you not in the graduating class to reapply next year. Now if your name has not been called you are dismissed. The rest of you please join me down front."

Those who hadn't been chosen began making their way out. The instructors saying congratulations to their departments chosen students as they too exited the theatre. Admiral Pike sat down on the edge of the small stage calling them in closer. As a captain he had well been versed on how to command a room. He also knew how best to bring cohesion to a group quickly. Most work better if they care about a situation. Gathering them up close made for a more intimate feeling and by extension more important. It also offered him a chance to get off his feet for a few minutes. He knew that if he didn't want to end up in damn auto chair for the rest of his life he need to be active to aid in his recovery, but not push his body father than it could go.

Instructors knelt behind him to be part of the conversation. Commander Spock, of course did not. Admiral Pike just smiled at him over his shoulder as he waited for everyone else to settle. He'd been the one to recruit Spock to the Star Fleet. It was considered a great success on the his part. Stealing a Vulcan away from their own science academy had earn Pike more than a few kudos. To accomplish such coup a certainly helped when it came to him getting his captain's commission in only four years, a feat that had never before accomplished in Star Fleet history. Nor did it hurt him as far as landing the Executive Officer job for the Recruiting Department until his ship was finished.

That wasn't how Pike saw it though. Sure he was a great assets to Star Fleet, beyond comparison in his own way. Christopher Pike was known for his uncanny sense about people, it was what had made him good at his jobs. He knew that Spock despite all his achievements was as unsure of who he was, much like James Kirk. He'd never seen two men that despite all outward appearances were so completely uncomfortable in their own skin. Pike as their mentor had known exactly how to go about getting the best out of them. With Kirk, he needed to be important, feed his ego or challenge him. He thrived in situations where he could rise above. Spock, on the other hand needed to be respect as an individual, to be valued. Doubtful he'd ever gotten it on Vulcan. Pike knew enough about that culture to know they weren't welcoming of things that didn't fit into their neat little boxes. 'Back to the task at hand, Chris.' he admonished himself.

"OK people pay attention because I'm only going to say this once." He looked them each in the eye as he took a deep breath. "Each year a different planet from the Federation plays host to this conference. It is just as it sounds. A student version of the real thing. You'll be debating, and hopefully coming up with, solutions to some of the real problems brought to the floor at the Federation. As Star Fleet's delegates you are expected to conduct yourselves in a certain manner. 'Conduct becoming an officer'. You've all heard that phrase before right? That means behave." This earned a chuckle from the group gathered around him.

"I shouldn't have to tell you to brush up on your customs, cultures and current events. Languages wouldn't hurt either, if you can manage it. At this point in your curriculum you've all studied the basics as far negotiations and diplomatic skills go. Here's the time you put them to the test. You'll each be receiving the details of the trip and your itineraries momentarily." Captain Pike nodded over his shoulder at Spock, whose fingers began working on his PADD. A round of notification alerts where heard throughout the room.

Admiral Pike continued, "There will be a reception at the beginning and a dinner at the conclusion of the conference. You will also be having breakfast with a few of the Ambassadors to Earth on one of days of your trip. I'm not going to tell again what an honor this is for each of you. Take of advantage of it. Right, well that is everything so... Dismissed."

Cadets hurried checked their computer PADDs for the information they'd just been sent. They're break was scheduled to start in a two weeks. That meant that dress uniforms had to be gotten together. Shoes needed to be shined. Being in Star Fleet meant you should be ready to go at the drop of a hat, but this was such an important occurrence, one that depending on what was happening with the universe, at the time the Academy didn't always get to participate in. So a little extra preparation was in order.

*********

"I so have to tell Daddy to let know him his little girl is coming for a visit!" blurted a lovely green skinned cadet as soon as she and her roommate were outside the theatre. "That should be worth at least one good shopping trip on his credits!" Gaila grabbed Uhura's arm excitedly bouncing up and down. Uhura had never been so happy for Gaila to have been on some 'forsaken star base on the edge of known space' in all her life. She had been lucky in that she hadn't really lost anyone she personally close too. "You have to go with me! It'll be so much fun, we'll make it a 'Girls Day Out' and then hit the bars before we head home!"

Uhura extricated her arm from her very excited roommate before Gaila made her drop everything. "Don't you think we should make sure we actually need to go on a shopping trip first? I mean if we're required to wear our uniforms to the receptions then there's no reason to go on a mad shopping spree. And before you start, yes, I know there's always a reason to go shopping." Uhura said in reply to the eye roll that her shopping comments always got her.

'This was going to be the cause of many a headache to come.' thought Uhura. Orion women were well known throughout the universe for many things. Sensuality being the foremost on many males minds, but being female Uhura knew that the more excited Gaila got the more pheromones she threw off. Those chemicals ensured she was never in want for male company, but it also gave females who were exposed to them for prolong periods headaches. Unless you were Vulcan, they weren't affected at all. 'I'm going to go to sick call for this one, I can feel it coming.'

"You know good and well we're going to have to wear those stuffy, stiff, itchy, seriously less than flattering, dress uniforms daily while we're there, and as we're cadets we don't have anything other than our Class A's* yet. They can't expect us to wear the same thing for a formal function! We can't even order our officer dress uniform until we're officially graduated! Come on you should know all this. You work in the Advanced Phonology office. Isn't your department always being invited galas and fund raisers, to make us off-worlders feel more comfortable?"

"Working in the office, where I answer phones, grade papers, run labs, take my classes, on the rare occasion cover a class, and take care of Professor Broom and 'his darling Marissa' has nothing to do with formal functions. Also how would I know about what to wear to a diplomatic event. I don't happen to be an ambassador's daughter, Gaila." Uhura teased right back. She bumped Gaila's hip with her own, causing her roommate to trip over her own feet. Both girls broke out in a fit of giggles as soon as Gaila was steady again.

"Well since we're supposed to return to our schedules, why don't you just run along to that office were you supposed do oh so much work and ask that 'friend' of yours." The sarcasm in that statement couldn't be missed. It was so thick it pooled over and puddled around Uhura's favorite boots. "You know I'll just bet if you blow on those sexy pointed ears he'll tell you anything you want to know in any language you want." Gaila said with a leered. She'd heard all about the transporter room kiss for Jim Kirk, and hadn't let up with her 'I told you so.'s'. "Oh, and just in case you forgot, he also happens to be the son of an ambassador so why don't ask him what you should or shouldn't wear as the case may be." Wagging her eyebrows in the direction of Spock's just noticed approach.

"Shh! Jeeze Gaila! Can't you keep anything secret! At the very least lower your voice! One kiss does not mean that anything is going on!" Uhura said in her best scolding tone. She loved Gaila but that girl couldn't keep a secret! "Look Gaila it was one kiss, and he's not even really given me the time of day since. Not to mention he is once again an instructor and I am once again a cadet. Not that you every let it stop you, but that happens to be an big Star Fleet Academy no-no, and we both know how Vulcan's are about following regulations."

This did nothing to actually deter her roommate. What Orion didn't love to be as naughty as allowed, and then some. "Uh huh, right, sure! Honey, I've seen the way he looks at you. It's just... hot. Like fiery, passionate, six days worth of steamy-yummy-goodness! Now those are words I'd never thought I'd be saying about a Vulcan." Gaila said in her best attempt at a low voice, which really came as more of a sultry purr. "It's in his eyes, you know. Don't even try to play innocent with me! I've seen you two together. You guys have this whole 'forbidden lovers' thing going on. I wish I could get a guy to look at me like that!"

"Well if you didn't tell them you loved them by like the third date that'd be a start." Uhura decided to change the subject. Whatever may or may not being going on with them was not open for discussion. Especially on the quad where ears were everywhere. She enjoyed what little bits he allowed and didn't want it to end by her beloved roommates pushiness. "Hey, I may be late tonight. We have an end of semester prep lab, and I'm going to need to get everyone caught up on their grading before I can even think about leaving for West Point. I'll also have to train some underclassmen to handle the phones too! Ugh! Answering call for Professor Broom alone will take the better part of a week. That poor man's wife calls him at least 5 times a day! No wonder no one can get him on his communicator!" Uhura said as they parted ways.

Gaila giggled, and nodded as she and her beloved roommate parted ways. "Good day Commander," Gaila said, barely concealing the conspiratorial undertones out of her voice. 'Those two are on a collision course that will be hotter than all the stars in this solar system and mine.' Gaila thought herself. To occupy herself on her walk to class she started flirting with a poor flummoxed underclassmen who happened to walking her same direction.

"Good afternoon Commander." Uhura said turning. She was slightly startled that he'd got so very close with out her noticing. He was definitely in her personal space. She ached so badly to reach out an touch him. He would never allow it, especially not in public. "You know, Commander, it's not polite to sneak up on someone." she said with a sly tone. Being a communication specialist Uhura knew that inflection, and intonation meant just as much if not more than the actual words spoken.

"You failed to maintain awareness of your surrounding Cadet, therefore allowing my proximity to go unnoticed. This does not imply impoliteness on my part." Spock said to her with just the slightest purr to tinge his voice.

'There must not be anyone within his earshot' Uhura thought. His hearing was much better than hers. He would never behave so informally with her if anyone was around to notice. Gaila was right, it was really like they had this secret relationship going. Although the encounters since their return to Star Fleet Academy were too few and too far between for Uhura's liking. She'd decided long ago he was worth the sleepless nights. "Is there anything you need Commander Spock?" She said meeting his gaze with her own.

Their... whatever it was, had started slowly, in what seemed like eons ago. It had grown steadily as they spent more time in each others company. They worked in the same department, both were vegetarians, both loved music. She loved learning about new cultures, saying that it helped to understand the language. He, being an ambassador's son, from a different planet, and having a doting mother who had insisted he travel with them as extensively as his schooling had allowed was more than willing to share his experiences. However, after a while one conversation on Orion culture that sparked off a political debate within the office he taught her to speak in the manner he was accustom to at home. A mix of various languages all at one time. Vulcan, Federation Standard, with a few words or phrases from varying other languages depending on what would best fit the conversation.

He found it comforting in a way and she found it fascinating. Like their own secret language, they were able to carry on any conversation they wished in plain view of everyone. It was extremely unlikely that anyone would be able to follow them as they switched and jumped through languages as quickly as they did. He thought it was beautiful that her mind could keep up with his in this aspect. She enjoyed the challenges the conversations presented her, not to mention their time spent together. Soon enough they were finding things to do together, museums of art, history, or science, performances of various kinds. Anything and everything the campus or the surrounding city of San Francisco had to offer were open to them so long as they followed their established rules. Their outing always occurred during the day and always in public settings so no questions of impropriety could raised. They also agreed not to touch, for reasons of warding off implications of impropriety, as much as for his cultural comfort. It was during these times that their mutual appreciations had brought them a whole new respect for each other. He shared many things with her about his culture, his past. He had never allowed someone so close to him before. He had opened up to her in ways he never had any other in his entire life. And she had never betrayed that trust. She seemed to be able to 'read' him, as only one other could. He regretted on more than one occasion that she was not the one he had been bound to. She was so beautiful to him, so vibrant, so many many things that when she'd questioned him as to what he thought of her, he'd answered with the only word that would ever fit... Fascinating. She hadn't understood he suggested she look that particular word up. He's assured her that once she did she would more than understand his answer. When she had her heart had absolutely soared.

Then the events on board the Enterprise had happened. Especially in the transporter room. He had leaned down to her and whispered in her ear, "You are no longer a cadet." Then he'd kissed her. That kiss had been so amazing she'd all but forgotten her name, where they were, what was happening, everything except his kiss. He had also leaned down placing their foreheads together sharing 'Breath of Life'. A part of Vulcan mysticism, stating the breath that flows constantly between the couples as they glance at each other will allow thoughts of each other crossover the minds. An extremely intimate way for a couple to hold each other, and if they were bonded to connect without a meld. As the placement of hands in the proper arrangement would be difficult during close physical relations. He was attempting to let her know in ways he would never be able to vocalize how very necessary to him she was. And she had felt it. She'd wanted to drown in those feelings. She'd never been so complete in her life. To know that someone you thought might be the other half of your incomplete soul felt the same way, was.... In all her vocabulary, in all the languages she knew she had no words to describe this. It made her fall more in love with him than she'd ever thought it was possible to be with another being.

But now that they were back on the ground, back at Star Fleet it was as if none of that had ever happened. He all but kept her at a distance. Only ever so often allowing his eyes to linger on her a little longer than was necessary. If they were passed each other in the hallways he'd allow his finger to graze her palm sending a radiating warmth spreading all over her body. Mostly he was just confusing her to the point where it started to hurt. She couldn't figure it all out and now here he stood in front of her as if he weren't the most confusing being in the entire universe.

"I thought we might walk together as you and I are both scheduled to be in the Advanced Phonology lab at this time." He gestured to her he intended for her to take the lead in walking to their shared destination. Which was not the custom on his planet, but as he was currently on hers he would follow her customs. As his mind traveled through the differing customs, not for the first time did he think of what her reactions would have been to his home world. Would she have been able to handle the differences in climate, heat, altitude. He knew in an instant the calculations he could do that would give him the answers to the questions he sought. He could almost picture it in his head, showing her the mountains, the oceans, the lack of a moon. All these things crossed his mind, he knew they were thoughts that would never come to pass and were better spent at another time. That was still not a place he lingered too long in. What is necessary is always logical, and avoidance was still necessary to his sanity.

They fell into easy conversation about the lab, discussing the number of cadets, if any, who would be making up time. What, if anything, was to be the focus of the lab or what it to be an 'open' lab time. Would she be running this one while he, and the other instructor worked on other things. Was this a time she would be allowed to study too. Should she allow other cadets to interrupt her as needed, or leave them to the instructors. Which professor had been covering for them while they were in the meeting. Would that professor remain once they returned, or leave to attend to other things in the department.

"I believe I heard you tell Cadet Gaila that, among other things, you needed to find someone to substitute for you while you attend the Model United Federation of Planets Conference, did you not?" This phrase sent her eyes to the ground and blush to her cheeks. He was telling her he'd heard her entire conversation with her roommate. "Perhaps you could ask Professor Broom for suggestions since he is the cause of your greatest concern." The tone in his voice sounded as the emotion equivalent of a smirk although his face did not betray one.

It also brought a smirk to her face. One of which she knew he'd caught out of the corner of his eye. They were both very observant of each other. She liked to think of them as magnets. Push the same charged sides at each other and you could have them dance around each other for hours. Flip them and they were drawn together as if they were coming home. Right now they were back in the dance of opposites. It was fun, exhilarating, but every now and then, she'd get a glimpse from him of what it would be like if one of them could just stay flipped, as they had been on the Enterprise. It was all in his eyes. Although Uhura would never tell Gaila she was right. She had no desire to continue to hear 'I told you so' from Gaila until the end of time.

******

The lab it's self was fairly busy, as labs go. Yes, there were the usual questions, being that she was so very good at all things lingual, her fellow classmates came to her for help whenever the other two instructors were busy. She didn't mind usually, it really cut into her own study time, but she was always happy to help. For the next two weeks though she was going to need every second she could find. She still wore a smile for any that came to her with a question. She knew they'd rather ask her than Spock. He was an excellent instructor, but she'd help them see the emotion behind the words they questioned her on. Emotions were something that could help things stick for humans, but not something a Vulcan would use as a teaching tool.

He never understood why she tried so hard with them to the point that it might have been detrimental to her own studies. He did like watching the satisfaction she got from their 'ah ha moments' as she'd called them once. He watched her, as he did whenever he got the chance. He loved the movement of her. She was like a living work of art to him. The movement of her mouth as she spoke, as she smiled, the way she bit her lip when she was working something over in her mind.

"Thank you for your time, however this evenings lab has drawn to its conclusion." Professor Broom stated. "If you have any further questions or need further instruction, please see your instructor during their office hours." Both men started gathering their things. As they were waiting for the cadets to file out the room Professor Broom commented as they watched Uhura help one last student with a question. "She's a hell of a woman. Beauty, brains, and a heart bigger than both. Don't know what this department's going to do without her next year, you too for that matter."

Heart. This is Vulcan's Heart.... Spock's mind began wandering down a tangent as he watched her. This one was on how Vulcan women were treated in their patriarchal society. They were as formidable as any Vulcan male where intellect was concerned, but it was not in the matters of intellect that made them so very important to their society. It was in matters of the mind. Thinking of women, or a particular human woman would fare in Vulcan society was not where he wanted his mind to go. It needed to stay right here on Earth, it needed to focus, and stop going off on tangents!

One of the many facts Vulcan's endeavored to keep quiet is that Vulcans are touch telepaths. Skin to skin touch would instantly send thoughts and impression to their mind, if they are not prepared for the contact. For that reason they refrained from touching or being touched. Vulcans are also careful about their friendships for similar reasons. Once becoming attuned to someone they became empathic to them. As he had to her. He'd never told her any of this of course. Empathic connections were also not commonly spoken of with those outside his people. He'd never meant for this to happen when it did. He had become attuned to her all the same, and now he couldn't find that he minded. It felt 'right', illogical but 'right' just the same.

Right now, his empathic abilities were telling him she was ill at ease. When they were finally alone he waited for her to approach where he and Professor Boom had conducted the lab. Professor Broom had engaged him in conversation. Spock was only paying half attention to the subject being discussed, but that was more than enough. The majority of is thoughts were focused somewhere else. She was taking her time gathering her things, getting her mind in order, calming her self. He gave her this time, and hoped Professor Broom would as well. Spock respected her in that she knew her own body enough to know that she needed this time.

When she finally did approach them it was with a tight smile, and a hand rubbing her forehead. "First the meeting, then Gaila gets excited, then we have a busy lab. I hope I don't need to go to sick call**." Her voice showing evidence to back up the what Spock's empathic abilities were giving him. She had a large enough headache that he developed a new respect for her pain tolerances.

"Have you not been seeing a doctor regularly as was suggested, my dear?" Professor Broom had asked her. The elder professor had become rather attached to her, as had his wife. "That would be wise considering your living arrangements," Spock added in agreement. His voice not betraying the concern he held. He as well as most Vulcans did not like the idea of using medication for anything and everything that came along as humans seemed to do. This however was a valid reason, and he did not care to see her in pain.

"I have, in fact I just went a couple of days ago, but she's got really excited about going on a shopping trip for the conference and then the conference itself. It caused her pheromones to spike." She titled her head as best she could to smile at them without getting too much light in her eyes. Light always made her headaches worse, so she quickly lowered her head again. "But I'm sure you heard all that didn't you, eavesdropper." She whispered knowing only Spock would hear her last comment just as if were spoken in a normal conversational tone. She tried to make her voice light and to keep the pain out of it. Unsuccessfully, but she did try.

When she saw the expressions of the two men in front of her she knew she'd failed to do so. "Tea, and sleep may help your headache. As for your roommate, I still have yet to see the logic in putting you in the room with her." Spock had said keeping his voice low so as not to make her headache worse.

Professor Broom offered another solution, "If you would like, my dear, I can give a acupressure, as you so graciously did for me yesterday. It might help a little. After all Marissa would be very unhappy with me if I let our favorite cadet suffer." This earned a chuckle from the two humans in the room. Professor Broom may run one of the foremost Xeolinguistics Departments on the entire planet, but his wife ran him. Uhura had once heard her say "Darling, don't confuse your rank with my authority". Spock hated that Professor Broom had offered, but if it helped he hoped she'd accept. It did something untoward to his Vulcan sensibilities to her in pain, but not be the one to fix it.

"I'd love to take you up on that offer, but I don't want to impose. Thank you all the same." She hoisted her bag up her shoulder a little higher on her shoulder as she began to leave. The strap of her bag, however, caught on her ponytail pulling her hair rather sharply. The pain that shot through her head caused her to let the bag fall to the ground, and her hand to go immediately back to her forehead. "Ugh! That so did not help!" She tried to add a chuckle to that, but it didn't quite come out right.

"Cadet Uhura would it not be a wise course of action to accept help when it is offered." He tried to sound scolding. He only just managed to hold himself in place rather than go to her when she cried out. He took a few slow breaths calming himself from the waves of emotions that were reaching him. It wasn't fair to use the rank card on her, he knew it too. Officially they were off duty since it was after school hours. But he had just about reached his limit with seeing her in pain. At this point he wanted to see her made better no matter how it came about. Even if it meant another man touching her in a way he would like to be.

"Yes Commander" she said sheepishly. She'd refused out of a sense of propriety. Spock always seemed uncomfortable when in the presence of prolonged touching. At this point though, she'd give anything to stave off the headache that was building. She just wished that Spock not Professor Broom was the one who had made the offer.

Spock picked her bag up from where it fallen on the floor, and then placed his hand on the small of her back, over her uniform, and lead her to the lab administrators desk. Professor Broom made a show of cracking his knuckles and rubbing his hands together as if to warm them, when his communicator went off. "Marissa dear." he'd said without really needing to look at who was on the other end. "I know my love, but our Uhura has developed a rather nasty headache. Yes dear, I know you think she's wonderful, as does the entire department. Couldn't get by without her. Oh, I didn't know you were waiting Love. I will be right there. Yes dear, I love you too. See you soon. Of course I'll pass along your well wishes to her." He let out a fake exasperated sign as he slapped the device closed after 30 years together he and his wife were still very much in love. "I'm sorry, but I had forgotten I agreed to met Marissa for dinner after work. She's at the restaurant now waiting for me. Would you like to join us? Food may do you good? And I know Marissa would love to see you again."

"No, thank you though," Uhura said rolling her shoulders and twisting her neck hoping desperately that something would pop and the headache would go away. "It's fine Professor, I'll see you in the office tomorrow. Please tell Marissa I'm sorry I kept you, and that I hope you guys have a wonderful evening." She managed a smile for him as he headed towards the door. It didn't reach her eyes but it was there none the less.

He stopped at the door looking back. "You're going to make some man very lucky one day my dear. But you're far to good for most of us. Take care of our girl Commander. We both know that the office will be in chaos tomorrow if she's not there." Professor Broom said with a chuckle and a wave as he left them alone in the room.

Uhura stood up and faced Spock. "I'm actually glad Marissa called for once. Charlie is a sweet man, but ..." Professor Charles "Charlie" Broom was a grandfather to all those who worked for him. He was much beloved in and outside his department. But he was from a different generation, one where friendship beget touching. Not something Uhura was entirely comfortable with, close friends where fine, but casual acquaintances, not so much. Now the male in front of her was a different story.

Spock nodded his understanding to her statement. He was actually glad Marissa had called too. He wasn't looking forward to another man touching her in is his presence. He knew his feelings should be illogical for the sort of relationship they had, but she was... special to him. He realized how physically close they were now, he heard her heart rate rise. Close enough he could bridge the gap between them before she even drew in breath. He let his eyes roam over her face for a moment before he followed the orders given by the head of his department, even though Professor Broom was not military, he as still Spock's boss for the moment. It was reaching, he knew that, but he missed her closeness so exquisitely he'd use any excuse he could to grab whatever time with her he could. He began pulling out the pins and ties that held up her long hair.

"The hairstyle you choose to wear to meet regulations puts pressure on muscles in your neck that were not designed to hold such weight for an extended period of time. My mother always expressed that when she wore her hair up for extended periods of time it gave her headaches." He spoke in a hushed his voice. Loud sounds to sensitive ears could add to headaches, he knew this from personal experience. He'd never in his life gotten so many headaches as he had when he first came to live at the Academy.

"African women used to carry large loads on their heads for miles." was the breathy replay that came from her. He was so close. She allowed her eyes to drink him in. He as so very beautiful to her. She knew that even as she let her heart out from behind the wall she'd put to guard from his distance, this would hurt tomorrow. Tomorrow he'd shove her back to arms distance away. Tomorrow he'd be indifferent to her. Tomorrow she'd be just another cadet. But now, while they were alone and he was being so open and so very tender, while his emotions were so close to the surface, she couldn't find it in her to care. And with that she lost herself to the moment he was giving her. The joy she found in his quite attention was almost to much to bear. She lost herself in the fantasy that her heart was creating. She felt so cared for, and so important to him in this moment. His touch was so exquisite to her. She wanted to crawl inside this moment forever and remain until the sun winked out.

"Yes, that may have been true at one time, but has not been so for centuries. Those muscles that were developed for such use are no longer developed. Therefore you gain a headache for your choice in hairstyle." Her mind shut down to everything but the sensation so much so that she barely noticed his hands direct her forehead to his shoulder. His rational was that he had needed to apply more pressure to certain joints in her neck and at base of her skull. Her mind was quiet. She was thinking only of the sensations of the massage, and how it felt. He appreciated that immensely. He knew what he was doing was wrong on many levels. Spock had become very adept at rationalizing behaviors when it came to this particular cadet.

This respite of perfect contentment went on for a blissful few moments for both parties involved. They hardly ever had a valid reason to touch at all. Much less this intimately. It was fantastic. It did however have to come to a close. Curfew waits for no one. He enjoyed the glassy eyed look on her face as he'd called her attention to the time. He enjoyed knowing that he'd given her bright eyes that looks. He enjoyed watching her pull her hair back up into its not exactly regulation pony tail. He enjoyed the smell of her on his uniform long after she'd left him. He hadn't even let logical side tell him it was illogical to hang that particular uniform jacket up on the wall. 'Uniforms are not art', his logical side had pointed out to him. 'No they are not, but she is, and so she must be treasured.'

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* Class A's and the business suit equal in the Army. Officers aren't issued their tux equivalent they have to buy them.

**Sick Call is what a soldier reports to when they need to go to the doctor before they start their duty shift.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own or am I affiliated with Star Trek in anyway other than a fan.

A/N:

I feel that I should warn you this may get dark before the end. I don't believe that Spock could have endured so much and not come out completely unscathed. The torment as a child and the lose of his mother who he was very close to and then his entire planet is bound to affect him. Not to mention that repression will eventually work itself out and not always in the best ways. Having said that I'm a happy endings kind of person.

The quote used below is by Bill Watterson. I changed his word 'play' to 'stay' to make it fit a little better, and took out the contractions.

I can update quicker with shorter chapters or less ofter with longer ones. You decided and let me know.

Also thank you all so very much for adding my story, or giving me a review! It was very much appreciated! You made my day!

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Hidden Demons

The next day Nyota woke with the fading left overs of her headache. It was no where near as bad as it would have been had it not been for the attentions of some very skillful hands. As those feeling came rushing back at her she couldn't help but smile. She was beyond please to find that her uniform jacket still smelled of him the next day. It brought a secretive smile to her face that got her more than a few death threats from Gaila.

"You know you can either tell me now or I will pester you to incessantly until you tell me out of frustration!" Gaila said pulling her aside as they entered the dining hall.

"What! I like the way my jacket smells, what's the big secret in that." Uhura tried to sound flippant, but couldn't keep the smile from her lips. As they approached the drink station Uhura was still looking over her shoulder at Gaila whining about how she was the better friend because she always shared her best secrets with her beloved roommate. "There's nothing to tell really, my jacket smells good and I'm in a good mood today. Lucky for you too, because in all your excitement yesterday my brain was looking for a way out of my skull by the time my lab was over."

"Oh honey I'm so sorry!" Gaila said reaching across the table for Uhura's hand. "I don't mean to get so excited around you. I promise I'll try to tone it down. Wait if your headache was that bad why aren't you at Sick Call this morning..." Gaila raised her eyebrows in what could have been a perfect impression of Spock, if she didn't look like the cat that ate the canary.

"Sleep, I got a great nights sleep...." her sentence trailed off as the officers who had been working Academy's main hanger came into the dining hall after their shift. Gaila saw the way her friends pupils dilate, the flush of her friends skin, and it didn't take any of her computer genius to put two and two together.

"Uh huh, right. And if I look over my shoulder right now I won't see some tall handsome alien with smoldering eyes and pointed ears staring at you like you are the best looking thing on the menu."

Uhura heard her, and knew that Spock had too when the expression in his eyes changed, and the barest hint of a smirk on his all too kissable lips. It was completely unfair how good Gaila was at that. As Spock passed by them Gaila made a show of sniffing the air as he passed behind them. The she leaned around the table grabbing Uhura by her jacket and dragging it to her nose. "That's what I thought!" She hissed, her eyes gleaming at now being in on the secret.

"Gaila! It's not what you think. He just held my jacket while I popped my neck, that's all! Completely G rated! I didn't do anything you'd do, so there's no reason to get excited." Uhura then turned her best mother hen stare on Gaila. "Besides didn't you just promise me you'd keep your excitement levels down? Are you trying to make my brain turn to mush, or just out right kill me?" She said Uhura almost had her convinced until the reason behind their conversation stopped next to their table and spoke on his way back out of the dining hall. Spock never ate in there, far too much noise, and too many people in close quarter to make a Vulcan comfortable.

"Good morning Cadet Gaila, Cadet Uhura. I trust you are not suffer this morning as you were yesterday?" He flashed Gaila a stern look, before his eyes again settled on his favorite of the two. He was holding two cups of tea this morning Uhura noticed.

"I am well Commander. I had a pleasant nights sleep and even more pleasant dreams. Thank you for your concern." She said holding his eyes, hoping he got the hint that he was what she'd dreamed of. She missed so very much it hurt. If he felt half as strongly for her as she did for him, or half as much as Gaila believed her did, then she would be a lucky woman Uhura decided. He spoke to her in what Uhura had come to think of as their secret language. It started in Vulcan and changed languages every other word. She knew that he meant this to be private, for just her ears. He even dropped his voice to a lower register, one that reminder Uhura of a purr.

"I think we dream so we do not have to be apart so long. If we are in each other's dreams, we can stay together all night.* Be well today my vaksur. " He took his eyes from Gaila back Uhura's and ended their all too brief conversation with "Good day Cadets."

She could listen to him for hours. Stare at his mouth as he spoke, watching his eyes as the emotions moved behind them like light through a smokey quartz crystals. He was beautiful, painfully so, unimaginably so, and she wished she could find her way into his heart. When he spoke his words flowed over her like honey. They made her feel like she was wrapped in a warm cozy blanket, and in the relaxed state of mind just before sleep. It gave her a feeling she wished she could linger in. Unfortunately for her Gaila was the first to recover. Reaching across the table she tugged on Uhura's jacket bringing her back to Earth. "I swear if you don't tell my what he said I'll put hair remover in you conditioner!"

Uhura just stared at her. Beauty. He'd called her 'my beauty'. She would have given anything to run to him and show him how much he meant to her, how much she missed him. How since returning to the rolls of Commander and Cadet had been almost unbearable for her. He had to know. Surely he must know. She suddenly realized he was no longer standing near their table. Where had he gone? Uhura began looking at all the exits and notice him still standing with his back against a door. When their eyes met he raised one of the two cups. He was waiting for her.

"I'll tell you later, I swear." She told Gaila as she gathered her things. She looked as him before leaving her table to see him nod and walk out the door. She lost sight of him as she left the building, not having seen where he'd gone she didn't know which way to follow. Her first class was Crew Resource Management so she started down that path. As she rounded a familiar cherry blossom tree she spotted him looking over something on his PADD, one cup carefully balanced on the edge of it. He reminded her of a work of art. Standing perfectly still, he was backlit by one of the artificial gas lights that were spread around campus. It seemed to make him glow in the mist of the San Francisco morning. As she stepped out into the quad she noticed they were not as alone as she'd like to be. She considered, for only a moment, going on to class. But she say his eyes shift to their corners to find her and he turned ever so slightly angling his body towards hers. It was an unspoken invitation that she could not deny.

"Commander a word." It was her favorite way to approach him. Her code that this was not business related. "I owe you a huge debt of gratitude for your help yesterday. You saved me from a migraine and I don't think you could ever understand how much that is a appreciated." She smiled at him taking the cup off of the corner of his PADD. "and for this too."

"I did not think you would relish the idea of sitting in cacophonous dining hall this morning." He said to her as he turned to walk in the direction she needed to go for her first class. He waited for her to begin walking, when she did not he gave her a quizzical look. "Is there something the matter? Did you truly have something you wish to speak to me about?"

"You put milk and sugar in this for me." She said sound almost astonished.

"Have I erred? I thought that was the way enjoyed it? If I have made a mistake I apologize, and will endeavor to not repeat it in the future." He said looking her in the eyes trying to comprehend the emotion he saw there. Reading her eyes was not as easy to him yet as it had been with his mother. He was willing to learn if she was willing to give him the time. He was confident in any field of academics, sciences, starship operations, those things were second nature to him. She had quickly become for him just as necessary as life, and just as illusive as it's meaning. But just like any good scholar he was more than willing to spend his entire life trying to unravel that mystery, if she'd allow.

For Uhura's part all she could do was stare at him, and marvel at how exquisite he was. Not only in the care he had shown for her last night, but in his thoughtfulness for her this morning. She silently sent out her words of thanks to every deity, spirit, god, goddess, ancestor, or omnipotent being for having brought him into her life. "No, Spock, sorry Commander it's perfect, absolutely perfect." She reached out slowly to place her hand on his. Giving him plenty of time to be ready for the contact if he chose to block her. She knew he'd understand the gesture even if he didn't allow the feeling behind them through.

Spock nodded to her when he noticed the measured approach of her had towards his. He was pleased with the feelings he received from the contact. Her reaction was beyond what he'd hoped for. He'd wanted to please her. He needed her to remain in his life. He was very afraid that her actions on the Enterprise had been out of the stress of the situation, not from a genuine care or concern for him or his well being. He was glad she'd not noticed or thought to bring up that he'd not called the Enterprise to beam him out of the Jellyfish. He had purposefully guided it on it's collision course with every intention of seeing his self appointed mission through. He'd remember thinking of his mother and wondering if her Terran beliefs on an afterlife were correct. Would he be with her where ever she had gone. Because there was no way to preserve his katra. Not that any one on Vulcan would have wanted it. But when he'd returned to the Enterprise, and she'd been there he had latched onto her. He needed her. He loved her, even if he was not the right choice for her. She was necessary to him, and what is necessary is always logical.

Nyota hoped he was able to feel all the emotions she was trying to send him. How overjoyed she was that he'd thought of her, and anticipated her needs. Then she thought she'd be bold, she thought of the way he had touched her as he had last night, that was no mere neck rub, it had bordered on erotic the way his hands had moved over her head, down her neck, across her shoulder. Her skin still burned from his touch! How it had felt to be in his arms again. How she missed him. How she dreamt of him almost every night. She saw his eyes take on an intense look, and thought this might be a time to broach a difficult topic with him. She thought of his face, and how almost broken he'd looked in the turbo lift. How he's snapped on Jim Kirk. How he'd left the bridge shaken from the power of the emotions Jim had pulled from him. And how he'd returned within the hour looking completely anew. How she knew he'd been throwing himself into his work. How she worried for him, about him. How she wondered if he'd taken a chance to grieve yet. How she would be there for him, and not think any less of him for the display of emotions she knew he was repressing.

She heard his sharp intake of breath and came out of her thoughts. She noticed his eyes had closed off to her, gone hard almost to the point of empty. He took a step back from her, disconnecting them. He turned and made to leave, before he faced her again. His eyes showing her how lacerated he felt at her final emotions.

He'd mistaken her emotions as her showing him how piteous he was.

She'd mistaken his looks grief he was not willing to address.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not owned by me, just loved by me.

A/N:

I apologize for taking so long to get this out to you. It just wouldn't come. I started and tried to force it to work a couple of time but I am learning (as this is my first fic) that forcing it means that's not the way it's meant to go.

But here is the next chapter.. enjoy! Please review and let me know how I'm doing?

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The Absence of Misunderstanding

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Four days. It had been four days since he'd left her standing in the quad before classes. Four days since he'd been in her company. He'd found reasons to be else where. He knew his actions were illogical, but he had no desire to see that piteous look in her eyes directed at him. His alarm would go off to start his day soon, he had been awake for hours now. Mediation, and sleep evaded him. The nagging emptiness of her from his life, even for such a small amount of time, was effecting him more than he wanted to admit. Couple this with the lose of his mother, and his planet. It was stifling, even with all his training and discipline he was beginning to see why the surviving cadets were encouraged to speak to councilors. Not that a Vulcan would ever need such again. Especially not him. He being the half-breed that he was had to be more Vulcan the full blooded Vulcans. Even his beloved father had pushed him to be so.

Spock felt the tightness in his chest seize, and grow tighter. It was becoming difficult to breath again. He rolled from his back to his stomach crossing his arms to hide his head. There was no one to witness, or hear, but all the same he was ashamed of the unwelcome tears that came to his eyes. Vulcan's controlled their emotions not let them run roughshod over them. Taking several deep shuddering breaths he tried valiantly to lock his disobedient emotions away behind their walls. The harder he fought them the harder the tears came ripping from his eyes. Spock did consider it a small victory that no sound escaped him save for his ragged breathing.

Spock was ripped from his silent hell as the lights came to full brightness at their appointed time. He should be coming from the shower at this time, but due to his emotional mutiny he was behind schedule. He, due to his Vulcan efficiency made it out of his apartments only off behind schedule .82 seconds.

"Honey, don't let it get to you, seriously. Vulcan's aren't that fickle. I mean those stiffs have been practicing the same rituals forever. Did you know the husband owns the wife on Vulcan! I mean coming from a planet where I could have been sold into slavery had my family been different that doesn't sit well with me. But I love you so I"ll still help you sort out Mr. Not-so-bight." Gaila said getting her stupid men look going again. It was a speak Gaila had been giving her since Uhura had confided in her that something was wrong. Uhura wanted to believe her, she really did but four days hurt. No matter which way you cut it. Gaila noticed the tears Uhura was fighting to hide from her. She hurt for your friend. She knew Spock cared for her. Orion's had a better than sixth sense about these things. "Look that whole forehead thing is intimate, very intimate, like never in public intimate. Not even bond mates do that in public, Nyota! That damn race keeps it secrets closer than I keep my green. Orions even after our centuries of selling women to learn the secrets of others knows very little about that race. What I do know says he's in love with you." Gaila was going to kick his ever living....

Uhura was putting her things away in preparation for her shift as the Xeolinguistics department receptionist when Marissa called the main line. Cadet Tara Smith, who Uhura was replacing took on look that the call on the incoming line and smiled at her mischievously. "Oh will you look at the time! I'd love to get that for you, but I so have to run! My next class is all the way down stairs, a whole two flights! And well you get the picture." Tara winked at her as she over did it on the acting that was accompanying her blatantly fake excuse. Marissa could be demanding and difficult to deal with. Especially if you didn't know she was Charlie main source of inspiration. What was that old saying behind every great man is a greater woman? Something like that anyway. Uhura understood that not only were they a very loving couple but they were excellent friends. Marissa had confided in her that that was the secret to their relationship.

"Darling you won't always love them, no woman can be that forgiving, but if you're friends with them it makes even the hardest times easier." That was something Uhura had laughed at at the time, but the other thing Marissa had told her was, "When you do finally decide to settle down and spend you life with someone, don't spend it with someone you could just live with, spend it with someone you couldn't live without." Uhura had taken that one to heart. Smiling at the memory she answered the phone.

"Hello Marissa! How are you? I'm really sorry I made Professor Broom late for dinner with you last night. I didn't know you were waiting on him for dinner or I would have shooed him out the lab early and taken it over. How as dinner anyway? Did you have nice time? Where did you go? My favorite date has always been dinner and a movie, call me old fashioned, but you just can't be a timeless classic like that." Uhura knew it was best to get all her niceties out of the way. With Marissa one could never get a word in edge wise.

"Oh hello dear! Dinner was good our server was lacking though. Poor Charlie actually had to keep asking for more water, but as I'm sure you know that man can drink like a camel! We didn't go any place to fancy, just that quaint hibachi place next to the campus. They make excellent sushi, and you know fish is excellent for Charlie's heart. They even have good vegetarian sushi, nice and crisp. They have this eggplant stir fry that you simply must try if you ever go on your dinner and movie date. I agree with you completely about it being a classic, not to mention that table manners are an excellent way of evaluating a young man's character!

"But listen to me rambling on, dear, I'm so sorry you must be busy there today. Charlie told me you were selected for the Model Federation Conference delegation! That is simply wonderful! You'll enjoy it dear. It'll be perfect for you to show off your talents. While those other students are adjusting their translators from language to language you'll have already solved half the problems brought to council." At that both women chuckled. "Dear, I was wondering if you have any idea why Charlie isn't answering his direct line? I've called him twice now, and it just goes directly to voice mail, it's not even ringing."

"Huh, no I don't. I just got here actually, but if you'll let me put you on hold for just a second I'd be happy to run back there and look?" At Marissa's agreement Uhura placed the woman on hold. She thought she'd ask Spock if he was in the office first, it would give her and excuse to see him, if he was there. She'd been worried, about him since they'd parted ways. That hurt, haunted look in his eyes had haunted her. She had wanted to run after him, to hold him again as she had in the lift on board the Enterprise, to tell him that despite all he'd lost, and all that had happened to him, he would be alright. That he was cared for, and that the offer she'd made to him in the lift was still and always would remain. If there was anything he needed, anything at all that she could do to help him, to ease this horrific time, she would do, or give anything for him.

She entered Spock's carrel, he was not there. There also wasn't anything to suggest that he'd just stepped away for the moment either. His computer wasn't on, no data PADD's were on the desk, not even his ever present tea. Uhura's stomach began to twist. Five days. If things continued the way they were this was going to be her fifth day of not seeing him. She turned and began making her way down the hall to Charlie's office. She had to tell him Marissa was on hold, maybe she could sneak in a question about Spock's whereabouts as well. If Spock hadn't come in for any reason he would have had to let his head of department know.

As she made her way down the hall towards Professor Broom's office she could her voices. Maybe Charlie was in a conference call? But Marissa would have known about that. Could he be reprimanding a student? She wondered off handedly if Jim Kirk had pulled some other crazy stunt. He was an officer for the Xeolinguistics club, and it was a tradition that the out going class gifted the next classes with something they might need or find useful. With such broad criteria there was no telling what Jim had chosen.

The door had been left ajar enough for her to see that Professor Broom was sitting on the edge of his desk talking to someone. As she got closer to the door more of the room opened up for her... Spock. He was talking to Spock, and neither man looked terribly happy. Not that it was easy to tell with Spock's placid expression, but she'd studied his face more than she'd studied anything else in her life, and with more determination. Uhura could tell that Spock was seething. The muscles in his jaw were twitching and jumping. She had finally drawn close enough to hear what was being said. "...glad I caught you. Tomorrow is the dedication of the memorial for those who died as a result of... well ...recent events. And it occurs to me that you more than most should be taking time off or speaking with a counselor. Yet you have done neither. So I must ask you are you well, is there anything that I can do for you? Marissa and I are deeply concerned for you. And grieve you loss."

Uhura saw the muscle in Spock's jaw twitch again, he gnashed his teeth. He was so angry. He must understand though that Charlie only wanted to help him, as did they all. Her thoughts froze in place as Spock's cold eyes turned to hers. Without breaking their gaze he rose from his chair and spoke. His tone leaving no doubts that this subject was not open for discussion. "In Vulcan ideology death is only the end of the journey, not a tragedy. Now if you'll excuse me." He said pushing his way out of the office. Spock stared hard at Uhura as he passed. Uhura opened the door to Charlie's office a little more and spoke in an almost broken voice.

"Sorry to bother you Professor, but Marissa is holding the line for you." Her eyes were empty, Spock was so very angry. Professor Broom's words brought her out of her thoughts, and back to the office.

"I seem to have made a mess of that huh?" Charlie said to her surprised and slightly confused by the almost out burst from Spock. "Do you think you could talk him into coming back so I can apologize to him? You are the office miracle worker after all." He said with a tight smile, thinking of the day she'd brought peace back to the office after the 'heated discussions' on the unsavory practices of Orion culture. Nyota smiled at him and nodded. She knew better than to let an opportunity to pass her by. She would be able to clear up the mess she'd made between her and Spock, and would be able to do so privately under the guise of helping Charlie.

"I'll do my best Professor." She stepped out of the office and wondered where to start looking for him. She could ask the computer but then if he'd told the computer he required privacy, it wouldn't tell her. A commander's orders out rank a cadet's request. Oh well, what was the saying. 'Nothing ventured, nothing gained'. Turning to the nearest wall mounted screen she asked, "Computer please tell me the current location of Commander Spock."

"Commander Spock is currently in Stairwell A4, between floors 3 and 4." It showed her a map with the route to his location marked on it. Uhura took off in that direction. She would have loved to run to him, as it was that would draw too much attention, so she lengthened her stride to move as she could without alerting anyone else to exactly how quickly she wanted to be with him.

Pushing access panel for the door to the stairwell she stepped in tentatively. She was unsure of what his reaction would be to her being there and wanted to give him plenty of warning. "I require seclusion. I ask that you respect my wishes and leave." Well he knew she was here. She climbed the stairs slowly trying to figure out what to say. As the reached the landing he was on she paused to study him, hoping that would inspire her words. She thought it ironic that as one of the best communications officer in all of Star Fleet she had no words for the moment. He was standing near a small narrow window. In the distance the bay was visible. She knew that was not where his gaze lay. "Nyota, I have asked for privacy..."

"Charlie sent me, Spock." She blurted out interrupting him, before he can send her away again. "He's sorry he upset you, but he's not the one you're upset with. Not really. It's me isn't it." Uhura slowly stepped closer, really hoping with everything she had that Spock didn't close off from her. "I didn't mean to hurt you. I apologize, I'm sorry, I'll say it whatever language you want as long as you aren't angry with me anymore. I'm just concerned for you, for your well being."

"I remain unharmed, and uninjured. Nor am I in harms way, so there is no need to be concerned with my well being. Having said that, I will assume that you are referring to my emotional state of being, as that was the topic of our last conversation. In which case I would like to remind you of the statement I made in Professor Broom's office which I am quite aware that you heard." He looked deflated. Like he was empty on the inside. Like there was nothing left to give. He'd wasn't willing to let anyone take what little he had left. His posture wasn't even the same. He was leaning against the concrete wall, elbow propped in the window sill, hand propped under his lower jaw. He looked alone and lonely.

How to convey that she didn't want to take. She wanted to give. How to get him to be open with her, to let her back in if he was so closed off as to avoid her. Why after a lifetime of studying words in all their meanings were they failing her. When he turned to look at her she could see the emptiness in his eyes, and it broke her heart.

"I need a moment then I will return to the office. If you would be so kind as to impart to Professor Broom that no apology is necessary, as no offense has been taken." Spock turned and look back out the window. "Please Nyota, please just leave." He was dismissing her. The conversation was over and he had no desire to close the rift between them.

Uhura felt a horrid excruciating pain erupt in the center of her chest. Like something was ripping or tearing in her heart. She pressed her hand against the pain hard hoping to ease it. Like pushing on your head will ease a headache... a little. The ache continued to grow, continued to hurt. She once heard of Broken Heart Syndrome, it had been on a television show where a woman had lost her husband and went into cardiac arrest. She thought they'd been making it up so she did some research and found out it was real. Pain at the lose of a loved one that resulted in damage to the muscle of the heart. She really didn't want to have a heart attack, but she'd never felt pain like this before. Uhura turned to leave and found that she couldn't breath. Her chest hurt too bad. She could not force it to draw breath. Pushing the heel of her hand harder into her chest she doubled over. She could manage short gasping pants of breath, but nothing more.

She felt his arms come around her from behind. He was picking her up, when had she fallen to the floor she wondered. Spock placed her down on the stairs under the light of window. "Nyota, what is wrong? Please speak to me. Are you unwell?" Spock kneeled in front of her so that he was level with her.

"My heart, it hurts." That was all she could manage. She felt that at any minute is would stop beating, it was actually skipping beats now. She couldn't hear it over the deafening silence that was engulfing her mind, but she could feel it jumping in her chest. It was aching, as if it were dieing from the absence of him.

"Are you in need of medical assistance? I can not call from here, there are no computer pick ups in the stairwells. Will you be alright if I leave you for a moment? Nyota!"

She'd doubled back over again. As he'd spoken the words 'leave you' her heart had given another painful lurch, and her breath stopped. He sounded so concerned she thought. 'He is your first officer.' Her brain supplied. 'Vulcan's have an undeniable sense of duty, that's his only obligation to you at this moment.' "I am fine Commander," she whispered to him. "I appreciate you attention, but I will be fine. It is nothing for you to worry about." She tried to sit up, that was the first step to standing. Once she could accomplish that she's was going to walk out of her find a dark cave crawl in it and die.

He leaned away from her as if he'd been struck. Commander, she had called him by his rank and with no affection in her voice. Was he truly so deplorable that she would not even allow him to give her aid when she ailed. "Nyota, I can hear your heart beat fluctuating, you are not well. Please, I do not know what I have done to lose your affections so completely, but if you ever trusted me, trust me again in this. I will leave you and call for the medical attention you require. If you desire I can return to wait with you until the medical team arrives, or not. It is with your word that I will act."

That did it. She finally broke. "Stay" was all she could manage before the tears came. She felt his warmth come closer. He tentatively reached a hand out to touch her. "So by your wish, I shall." How could he speak such beautiful poetic words to her if he was so willing to dismiss her only a moment ago. She couldn't understand. She hurt so badly, it would have better if he'd just left her to bleed alone in the stairwell. Uhura pillowing her head on his hand where it rested on her knee. She pulled her hands away from the hole in her chest, even though she felt as if she may shatter from it at any moment.

Spock was at an absolute loss for what to do. Why was she so upset, he'd offered to leave. He seen her break down and had not know the cause. Him? No, she longer cared for him in that manner. He'd been a passing infatuation, she'd proved it that morning. He could not figure out what was happening with her. She held her chest as if her heart hurt, it beat erratically, she was not breathing normally, she had fallen to her knees, and now she was taking comfort from him. He'd never seen a female, whether they be Vulcan or Human act this way. He was worried for her, and about what ever may be afflicting her. He wanted to get medical help. He wanted to take her to Dr. McCoy, carry her if he must. But she had requested he stay. So he would.

He moved slowly so as not to injure her further, not that he knew how she was injured in the first place, but caution was still in order. He sat next to her on the steps and placed his feet on the second step down from where he sat. Slowly he removed his hand from her grasp, and pulled her body so that she was sitting across his lap, her head cradled on his shoulder against his neck. His body temperature was higher than hers. He wanted to keep her warm in case she were to go into shock from what ever pained her. Spock felt her arms loosely envelop his waist. Slowly so as not to pull he took the pins and ties from her hair, running his long fingers through the length of her hair. She liked this he remembered from their nights together. He would not let his mind dwell on those memories, they were too painful.

He would not allow himself to think on all that he'd lost. It would drown him as it had been threatening to do when she'd found him in this stairwell. He did not know what he had done to lose her. He'd finally learned from his father that it was admissible that he was in love with her. Allowed himself to do so, only to lose her. Add to this the tragedy that had happened so recently. Then to find out that not only had he never been good enough, despite the fact that all his accomplishments still went unmatched, to be accepted on Vulcan as Vulcan. They did not necessarily want his help in rebuilding the race. Despite their small numbers, but why would they want his DNA, it was engineered, and if they wanted a particularly talented Vulcan to help rebuild the race his father was now available, along with his older self who had seemed to overcome what ever short comings he himself had.

At the rate he was losing things he shouldn't even bother applying for the First Officer/Science Officer on board the soon to relaunched Enterprise. Not that Jim Kirk needed another reason, besides his almost choking the life out of him, to tell him no. "Thank you," Spock heard her say quietly. "I need this, I know tomorrow things will go back to the way they were, but I needed this." "As you wish" was all he could think to say. He wanted to remember this, her warmth, her closeness, her smell, anything and everything that he could about her. It was torture, sweet exquisite torture, these were the last moments she was his, or at least that he could pretend she was his.

"May I ask a question of you then?" Her words were soft and hesitant in the silence that engulfed them.

"Anything" he made his tone match hers to preserve the intimacy.

"Why?" She didn't want to hear his answer, but needed to know it just the same.

"I apologize, I do not understand the question."

"Why are you dismissing me? Why is this ending? Why don't you care for me anymore? If is about what I said the other morning, it was only to help you." Uhura's voice grew a stronger, a little less broken. "Pick whichever question you want it to be I still would like to know why. I would have loved you for the rest of my life. I would have glad spent all my days at your side. I would have been proud to belong to you, to be your proper Vulcan wife."

"I could ask you the same question. What has occurred that your opinion of me has become so subjacent that you no longer wish for me to be in your life? I am well aware of my failings, and do try to correct them...." Uhura had slowly pulled her head away from where it rest to look him in the eyes. He was searched her eyes for some truth he thought she was hiding.

"Do you think so little of me? Do you think me so capricious? I have respected you since I met you. I have grown to care very deeply for you. I was not lying when I said I would have loved you for the rest of my life. I have never met a more amazing male in my life. You have so many beautiful qualities, I believe that those who can't see them must be either blind or deficient. How dare you not know me better!" Tears from a different kind of hurt were in her eyes now. "Spock I know your race thinks humans are overly emotion and inferior. With women being even more so. But I did not give you my heart so lightly. Nor was that the case when I gave you my name. My grandmother raised me with the superstition that to give someone your true name was to give them a measure of power over you. And that I should only do so with some one I trusted. If this is how you see me then, my trust was poorly placed." She worked her way to her feet and began backing away from him. The hole in her heart returning but not from the pain of loss. This pain was from the hurt of realizing his regard was not as deep are hers had been. "I will tell Professor Broom I couldn't find you, take all the time you need." she said turning to leave him alone as he'd requested she do.

Before she'd made it to the first steps he'd grabbed her wrist stopping her. "And I would have loved you until all the stars in all the worlds had faded from existence. Despite the differences in our life span, it would have been you that held my heart till the end of my days. If it were within me to grant such I would have made you my soul's mate. But it is not. All I can offer you I have. I am bound to another. Want me or not, she is still there in my mind. Nothing could have ever moved beyond what it was with us until that was resolved. Which is a problem in and of itself since she is on her way to the new colony at this moment, not to mention she will not see me. Nyota, is this not enough? I am so new to emotional relationships that I miss judged yours most grievously, but have I erred so completely that you will walk away from what you claim to care so deeply for?"

She could see his heart in his eyes. It was there before her laid bare, to take or destroy. She wanted desperately to cradle it within her forever, but it was not hers to do so with. He was bound to another. She knew that some Vulcan's did this to their children, arranged marriages were a thing of the past here. But not for one of the most advanced races of the Federation. The pain brought new clarity to her. He was not hers. He had said as much, told her he could not be so. "I'm sorry." She said turning to face him. She pulled his forehead to hers with her free hand. A slow, tight smile crossed her lips as she felt this thumb begin to move in circles where it held her wrist. "I didn't know." She tilted her head kissing him lightly on his lips. They held the kiss while sharing more than a few breaths. She hated her next words but they were the for the best. He was not hers, and she was wasting her time thinking it could be so. "I can't. I love you with all that I am but I can't. I'm sorry, Ashayam. You will always be the place my heart longs to call home."

Spock straightened from her ending their connection. Uhura worried as she noticed Spock sway where he stood before he looked out the window as if hearing something she could not. When he looked back to her, his expression placid again but, his eyes were not. When he spoke it was in carefully practiced monotones, "Thank you for your time Cadet. Please inform Professor Broom that I had business to attend to with Admiral Pike, and will be unable to return to the office before close of business today." Spock glanced down at where he still held her wrist. Slowly, holding her eyes the entire way, he brought the tender underside of her wrist to his lips kissing it slowly. He lightly touched it with the tip of his tongue. She watched as he closed his eyes and drew in a deep breath as if taking in her scent. Then just as slowly he released her wrist. "Goodbye Nyota."

His voice was deeper than usual, Uhura noticed, and the emotion had gone from his eyes. She felt her heart lurch again. She nodded to him and turned to leave before she fell apart again. She walked past the office, she'd get her things later she thought offhandedly. She wasn't paying attention to where her feet brought her until Bones answered the door to his and now Captain Kirk's room. "Honey, are you okay?" She heard Bones ask her, he'd known. Bones was a keen study his crew mates. It was his job, but he did it more out of paternal instinct she'd thought once. They'd become good friends in no time. She missed having her older brother around. He loved having someone to care for on a familial level. Now that she was standing in front of him looking all the worse for wear those instincts came roaring back, from their induced hibernation since he'd returned to the Academy.

"I'm sorry Bones I was looking for Gaila. I thought she might be here visiting....." Uhura never finished that sentence as blackness claimed her conscience mind.


	4. Chapter 4 edited

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not mine, just loved by me.

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I apologize for the multiple alerts. I always seem to upload these things the hardest way possible. Thank you for you patience.

I want to thank all of you who've reviewed. You are gracious. You gave me beyond what I had hoped to receive.

I would love to hear from you so feel free to review, hint - hint.

I would also like to thank those of you who kindly pointed out my errors. I will edit to fix them, and appreciate your doing so.

I hope to get better for you.

I was listening to The Special Two by Missy Higgins while writing this. It made me cry.

A/N REVISED - I edited this chapter for a couple of reasons. (1) It was, very graciously pointed out to me I had over looked some errors and typos, thank you for your kindness. I hope I got them all. Pesky, sneaky, hiding like boogers! (2) I needed to clear up that Uhura's not just being heartless. He's still bonded to T'Pring. Like it or not he's not available. I liken it to instinct. She may not like him, and he may know how she feels but when he's lost his sanity her presence will be like a beacon to him. It's part of the bond. Like a women in labor will know when to push even though they have a epidural, or a moth to the flame if you'd prefer. Either way painful or not, wanted or not his instincts will push him to what he knows.

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Saying Goodbye

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It is amazing how much one can accomplish if she is trying to be oblivious. Uhura threw herself into her work, and succeeded in finding her replacement. Cadet Fontana was such a good fit for the office that she had been offered Uhura's job after her mentor's graduation. Fontana had even done so well as to get the approval of Marissa. They worked concurrently most of the time, giving Nyota a break to run labs, grade assignments, and study for the upcoming Model Federation Conference. Being that her graduating class had saved the world, literally, they had been excused from all final examinations.

Though it seemed no matter how busy she kept herself, it took every bit of her will power and stubbornness not to fall into his arms and beg him to let her come 'home'. Uhura had to constantly remind herself he was not hers, and could never be so. He was bonded to another in what would to become an arranged marriage. This woman who would never love him as she did had been a presences in his mind since they were children. They grew up knowing every thought, emotion, and experience the other went created an intimacy she could never hope to achieve. To know someone so completely that they were literally apart of you. She redirected her thoughts. It was best not to dwell on what could never be. She needed to grieve her lose of him and move on with her life. She had been doing anything she could think of to keep herself from looking into the eyes she felt on her. She had a feeling if she did his eyes would be elsewhere. She almost convinced herself that her feelings of being watched were all in her imagination. That was until Gaila commented on it two days later at breakfast. "Honey, I don't know what you did to him, but the way he looks " Uhura lost her appetite, not that she hadn't been trying to force herself to eat the oatmeal to begin with, but after hearing that her stomach seemed to be full of rocks.

"Great, Gaila, just what I wanted to hear. Thanks."

Gaila stuck her tongue out at her friend. It should have made the other girl laugh, but all Uhura could manage was faint smile. "Honey, I don't know why you're so worried, it's not like you couldn't bat your eyelashes and have half the cadet corp drooling on those new boots of yours. Why you wanna waste you're time moping over some fool who doesn't know a good thing when he's got it is beyond me."

"Well I always know a good thing when I see it. Today I happen to be lucky enough to see two very good things." came the response Jim Kirk as he and Bones joined them at their table. Gaila grinned even brighter as Jim pressed a kiss to her shoulder. "Hello my emerald goddess. How are you today?"

Uhura shoved her tray farther down the table from her, the smell of food suddenly making her sick, or was it Gaila's pheromones again.... This was so not what she needed.

"Ignore them and we'll pretend they go away." Said Bones and he sat down next to her.

"Oh if only it were that simple." Uhura said as she let her head fall over onto his shoulder. Most people now thought they were an couple, with as much time as they spent together of late she couldn't blame them. Uhura had leaned heavily on him after 'the stairwell'. She'd even managed to laugh, when Bones had said Spock must be out of his Vulcan mind for letting her slip away. "Darlin', I'd have hog tied you to the nearest heavy object before I'd let you go. You're a once in a lifetime kind of girl, and I know a good thing when its leaning on my shoulder." He said kissing the top of her head. Big bother Bones, and she loved him for it. He made sure she ate, made sure she got enough sleep, even if it required a melatonin or three. Bones kept the depression she was sure she would have felt at bay.

Across the mess hall green blood started to burn. He'd never before felt jealousy, then again he'd never had the occasion to. Only one other women in his life had ever made him feel like his existence wasn't a stain against his race, and she was dead. Now he was forced to sit by and watch as the first woman he could honestly say he loved moved on with her life. He wanted nothing more than to walk over to her fall to his knees in front of her, stare up in the those dark chocolate eyes, and demand she tell him what he could do to be worthy of her again. But he could not. If she did not want him he could not force her to be with him. So he watched. She may have need of him, she may look his way, if he were truly favored she may eventually speak to him again. Until that time he watched as her life moved on while he tired to find all the pieces of his. For one must have all the pieces before any attempt can be made to reassemble them.

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To Uhura it seemed the two former lovers had never had so many occasions to be in each others company as they were as of late. Meetings for the upcoming Model Federation Conference brought them together, as did the Xeolinguistics offices, labs, and meals. Tai chi chuan that she had taken up for it's meditative properties, seemed to be held at the same time he practiced his martial arts against several of the academies security instructors. Today was a prime example, she and Gaila were out shopping for the upcoming conference, Spock was having lunch with another much older Vulcan. A Vulcan that Uhura thought must have been family though it was not his father. She notice the resemblance to Spock was almost uncanny, much just older. Funny, now that she thought on it, he'd never really talked about his past. Not that she pried. It was then, in the middle of her thought the older Vulcan caught her staring. She gave him her best 'I'm sorry smile', then offered the saluting gesture of his culture. It earned her a nod of his head. She also saw the sad, lost look that Spock still held in his eyes. It made her breath catch, and her chest ache. How she wanted to be the one he still turned to for comfort from the pain that was still so pronounced in his eyes.

"Stupid idiot!" Gaila's anger pulled Uhura out of her thoughts. Closing her eyes she lowering her head and took a shuddering breath before looking back to her roommate. "I should walk right over there and flick in him in his stupid pointy ear! How dare he show up here! And on our girl's day out too! He's going to ruin all my fun! Now you'll be all mopey for the rest of the day and I need you to help me pick out the perfect dress." She chuckled at Gaila's pouting expression. Uhura loved her dearly, and once again thanked any and all deities listening that Gaila had been spared.

"Just so you know, you're well with the hearing range of both sets of those pointy ears. Also, not that you care, but he's probably here because the food here is some of the best vegetarian food in all of San Francisco. He probably didn't think we'd be here either. It's kinda far from the Academy, and well a little low key for you. Why don't we just pay our bill and hit The Cheesecake Factory that's across the way. I'm not all that hungry for Indian food anymore and I know you can never pass up anything that might be even remotely considered decadent." Uhura breathed a sigh of relief when Gaila excitedly agreed. Breakups of this magnitude were definitely a time for chocolate chip cookie dough cheesecake. She'd be eating that slice alone, and if Gail tried to steal any of it Uhura was going to stab her hand with her fork!

As Gaila went to pay for the meal, Uhura went to 'powder her nose', another one of her grandmother's sayings that she thought was 'fun' so she'd adopted it. It sounded much better than, 'I'm going to stare at the mirror in the bathroom and wonder how bad I look to a guy who I'm not supposed to care about anymore.' Yep, 'powder her nose' sound much better. To leave the restaurant she and Gaila would have to walk right past Spock and his companion's table. She hoped she'd be able to get by with doing something too humiliating. Uhura did not expected him to standing in the small hallway that lead out to the lobby of the restaurant. "Are you well?" His voice didn't have the same strength in it she was used to.

"I am. Thank you for your concern, Commander." She nodded her head in acknowledgment and started to step past him. The hallway seemed to closing in on her. Why couldn't she draw a full breath! Why did he have such an effect on her!

As she stepped in to the small space between him and the wall his arm reached around her waist stopping her. He held her body just as firmly as his eyes held hers. "_We were so much together, but without you I am all dying of loneliness._" He spoke to her in their private way changing the language with every other word. She knew that he would not want anyone intruding. "_A single rose can be my garden... a single friend, my world. I would like to be able to count you among my friends, if I may._"

"_I can't. Can't you understand that? I can't see you as only a friend. It's all still so raw for me. I can't compartmentalize my emotions like you can. They are there ever day reminding me that you are not. I need distance and space. Maybe one day I can...._" She answered him in kind, though with Gaila about she had to be more careful at the languages she chose to use.

"Honey, are you... Oh. Wait! Can't you just leave her alone?" Uhura was thankful that Gaila spoke in Orion Prime, and quietly, although she made no attempt to hide her venomous tone. "Let's go honey, you don't need this." Gaila said storming off.

Uhura's arm crossed her body and pulled his away from her waist. "I have to go, she isn't patience, and hates waiting. I'm sorry." As she loosened her grip to drop his wrist she felt him grab hers. He slowly brought it to his lips and spoke against it. "_I __miss you in my soul, my ashaya (love). I'm sorry I was not worthy of you, but I shall never stop trying to be so._" These words he spoke to her in Vulcan, she swore she'd never heard the language sound more beautiful. He kissed her wrist slowly allowing it to linger. She saw his eyes fall closed the moment his lips touched her wrist. The kiss burned straight to her heart causing it to start aching and pulsating again. His eyes were full of concern as Gaila reappeared and pulled her away from him muttering somethings that neither one really caught, although there was the occasional 'hobgoblin' and 'damn Vulcan mind' thrown about. It was fascinating how quickly Orion Prime could be spoke when the speaker was angry.

The Cheesecake Factory did not stop the hurt like she hoped it would. She did resign herself that by the time she finished the last bite she's, if nothing else, force herself to be in a better mood and enjoy her time with Gaila. Not only was this a rare girls day out, but it was with a friend she could have very well lost.

They had a glorious day. Outfits for both their receptions, for their December holiday celebrations, an outfit for New York to go shopping in, an outfit for New Years Eve, new make up, new make up styles, new shoes, new accessories, new purses to match the dresses for the receptions, new underwear - after all what girl doesn't want to new underwear to match that special dress for that special occasion. You name it they bought it. Gaila more than Uhura. Gaila's father did indeed give his little girl more than a few credits for her shopping trip. The girls decided to stop before they left the shopping center and condense their purchases down to a few bags or they'd never make it to the academy. It was a good thing they had or neither girl would have noticed the single blue rose tied to their door's com-panel with a red ribbon.

Gaila thought it was from Kirk. She spent an hour finding the perfect container for it, and the perfect location. Jim even claimed credit for it, though Uhura could tell he hadn't sent it by the look he shot her before he responded to the positive. It was from Spock. Uhura had known it the minute she'd seen it. Blue roses symbolized the unattainable. Why did he have to remind her. 'He's not mine. He belongs to someone else. He should not be sending me gifts.' Gaila noticed her roommate's forlorn looks and scolded Jim. Telling him he should have sent Uhura something too. Kirk, with all credit to his acting, looked sheepish and apologized that he'd not thought of it. That actually caused Uhura to laugh a little. The next day both Jim and Bones showed up with 'fresh cut' flowers for Uhura. Most definitely bought from the local variety store, they were close to their last legs, but she was happy to receive them all the same. She good-naturally poked Jim in the ribs when she told him how much she liked his gift to Gaila. He was happy she wasn't going to give him away.

Bones took her for a walk around campus while the two love birds expressed their gratitude to each other. "I'm fine, really Bones. I am, or at least I will be. I'm beginning to see a light at the end of the tunnel so you can stop worrying over me."

"I'm a doctor, not dead. I'm always going to care about you. Its just whether or not you let me be the one to take care of you." She bumped his shoulder with hers earning a chuckle and a brilliant smile from the good doctor.

"How could I ever ignore such sound medical advice, and sharper than nails wit." She looped her arm through his as they continued to walk.

The affection of the friends did not go unnoticed. He had to speak with T'Pring. She was being illogical in her insistence they had nothing to say to each other. He knew his intended's affections lay elsewhere. He'd been able to feel the shift, and her disgust with him through that damnable link his father had forged for them as children. Sarek was never bound as such, his father had broken with that and a few other traditions. Spock understood why Sarek had done it to him. It was an attempt to help his engineered, half breed son, be a more acceptable Vulcan.

It hadn't worked.

Now Spock was running out of time. He would not lose her. She meant far too much to him. Vulcan emotions ran deep, emotional bonds once formed were there for life. The deeper the emotion the stronger the bond. Empathic ones may be the weakest bonds formed by Vulcan's but these warm feeling he got from her, and about her while she was in another man's company were maddening. He could feel his heart rate accelerate, and his blood pressure rise. Closing his eyes he turned his focus inward and fought to suppress the torrent that threatened his control, he found it lacking.

The PADD's face in Spock's hand shattered under the pressure of his tightening grip. He knew his Vulcan healing would have the wounds closed with in a few minutes time. As for right now he lifted and watched the blood seep from the cut. It was green, just like every other Vulcan. It had a few elements of his mothers blood, it was one of the few things that kept him from killing her after he'd been transplanted in her womb. His mind was like that of any other Vulcan, with its layers and neurological patterns. He was a touch-telepath just like other Vulcan's, although he was stronger than most in that area, a gift from his father's family. His organs were Vulcan, and arranged in his body just like any other Vulcan's. He knew he had the physical appearance of a Vulcan, except for his eyes. His body temperature, and density where all Vulcan. He had always tested off the charts, no matter which charts they had used. He was 92.32% Vulcan, so why could they not accept him. Was he really just that much of an abomination that he was unacceptable no matter where he was in the universe? He'd lost his mother, his planet, he was unsure of his position on the Enterprise, he'd lost the only women he'd ever loved, what else was there left to lose? Was his sanity next? The way his emotions and moods had been shifting of late he was beginning to think that was not far behind.

Another laugh from the person who most occupied his thoughts of late brought him out of his introspection. He grew jealous that she could be so happy, so affectionate, so loving to anyone that was not him. As much as he wanted he couldn't bring himself to resent Dr. McCoy, the man was intelligent, archaic, but most definitely not blind. How could he not notice the beauty that was on his arm. Spock thought to tell them that extended bodily contact between cadets was against regulations, but he was not in the mood to brush off one of McCoy's more piquant comments. He felt his grip tightening a nano second before the entire PADD shattered. 'At least the memory is unharmed' was all he could think before he dug out that particular component and tossed the irreparable mess of crystals, glass and plastics in the nearest recycling bin.

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"You of course know I can not be affiliated with this in any manner, correct?"

"Yes Ambassador. I doubt they will be able to to connect any one with what will happen. We've already tested this device in a ship, none were left alive, they tore each other apart. The device is installed in such a manner that it looks like a regular part of the environmental systems. It is a perfect plan. With their limited numbers and the amount of.... or shall we say lack of friends, it will be next to impossible to implicate us."

"You'd better be right, I'd hate to see what would happen to your family if your 'perfect plan' was not so perfect after all. It is amazing how quickly someone can go from military hero to planetary traitor with one failed mission."

"I can begin modification of the Federations environmental systems tomorrow. Everything will be ready as soon as the conference begins later this week. If you will just give the word Ambassador."

"Be ready by the opening of the conference, in two days. I want the exposure to build so by the time it draws to a close it will be a blood bath. Such an easy way to get rid of such a insignificant race."

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That night Uhura thought she'd try to sleep without any medicinal aids. She lay in bed a long while staring at the ceiling. She finally grabbed her music player off her bedside table and turned on her 'Relaxing' playlist. Setting the player back on the table she popped in the white wireless ear buds and waited for the music to encourage her mind to rest, and leave behind thoughts of poetic words spoken in varying languages by a beautiful baritone voice.

In another room on campus Spock sat in font of his meditation pot trying to force himself into the proper state. In the back of his mind his thoughts kept going back to one person. As he pushed his trance deeper he felt the emptiness she had once occupied reaching out for what was no longer there. In the stillness of this state he could hear a heartbeat. Slower than his, he allowed himself to move towards it. It was a soothing sound he'd listen to many times, though it would never be enough, and never be again. Drawing closer to the sound a warm vanilla, and brown sugar scent he come to associate with her wafted to him. Sighing he stopped fighting his mind for the peace that had been eluding him as of late. With the weight of resistance released from it, his mind raced full force into what he believed to be his delusion of 'her'. He could feel 'her', smell 'her', if it had not been so dark here, he was sure he could have seen 'her' as well.

He allowed himself to reach out for the 'Nyota' presence that he felt there with him. In this state where he could be open with himself he allowed his heart to ask the questions his voice never could. 'Why? Nyota, why can I not enough for you? Do you not see how deeply I care for you? I know I am not as charismatic as Jim Kirk, nor will I ever be as openly affectionate as Dr. McCoy, but I would give you everything that I am. Without you I am ungrounded, and as lost as a child. I need you Nyota, you are half my soul and all of my heart. Please, if there is anyway I could ever become worthy of you again.....' Now he knew his sanity was leaving him. Not only was he embracing a presence that he thought was only in his mind, but he felt it embracing him as well. He felt surrounded by 'her'. He'd never felt so loved or complete in his life. 'This is what being bonded should feel like.' crossed his mind before the beloved sound of her voice did.

'I feel so very lost without you. I have a hard time making it through the days without you. I have always been so amazed by you. You are so exotic, so resplendent, so entrancing to me that I thought it best to enjoy what time I had with you before you moved on. You, to me anyway, are grace personified. I have always known it was too good to be true, that I should enjoy every opportunity I had to hold you. And I did while you were mine, you were so very important to me. My heart feels empty without you. I doubt anyone will ever be able to fill the fissure you left behind, it is far too deep and reaches to the depths of my soul. But Spock you are not mine. Despite what we shared with each other, or how much I have fallen for you, you are bonded and betrothed to another. Nothing we have can compete with that. You hold her within you, if you were humans I would say she's your soul-mate. I know that's not an accurate description but I can't wrap my head around it any other way. All I can do is hold her place in your life until she calls you home. I can't live like that.'

'Nyota, do you not know, in my culture it is all but forbidden to be with anyone as completely as I was with you, except your bonded life mate. Mine will not have me. She has more than abundantly made that clear. Just by being with you in the way that we have you have become for me what she will not. Since you will not have me, I shall not try again.

He felt the sob run through her. "You and engaged to another woman, bonded to her in a way I could only ever dream about. While that is so I can be little more than your lover. I want to be more than a mistress Spock...' He felt her sorrow, it was sharp and painful in the center of his chest. He never wanted to be the cause of any of her pain. If this is what she felt, then he must grant her wish and leave her life. That was a horrid, and bleak outlook for him, but for her he would do it. At least the time would be short.

'It will not matter much longer, so do not concern yourself. Rest, my vaksur (beauty), my ashaya (love), I will trouble you no more this night, nor for much longer. Rest.....' He pushed thoughts of sleep and restfulness towards 'her'. If this was the only way he could hold her he would take what he could get. His mind was obviously attempting to rationalize having something so precious to him taken away. He was beyond caring if this meant he was going insane. It would be a beautiful way to go, holding a part of her, even if it was a completely fictional her so deeply within himself. Soon when his blood began to burn and his logic abandoned him to the insanity of the Pon Farr 'she' would be there to great him in death. And he welcomed it.

Waking from his trance Spock realized he was trembling as he reached for the cover for his meditation pot. He almost laughed. Almost. Until he felt his eyes start to sting and his vision blur. He held the cover on the pot so that he could feel the metal become hot hoping the heat would seep away some of the emptiness he felt. 'She is gone. I have lost her, and she is gone from me forever.' He tried to take a deep breath to calm himself but it only came out ragged and shuddering. '..... Mother I will join you soon so you will not be alone for much longer. My katra will find your soul wherever you have gone. Imperfect as it is it will not be welcome with Surak, so I shall join you.'

Spock removed his meditation robe and hung them in his closet. It should have been hung in a more prominent place to remind him to meditate everyday, but there was a uniform jacket hanging in its place. This one was not one that brought happy memories to the fore front of his mind. He had cradled her against this one, in a stairwell, and she'd walked out of his life a few moments later. He walked over to the jacket and brought his hand to rest against the spot where her scent was strongest. Leaning slowly down he placed his forehead again the shoulder of the jacket allowing a day dream to take him. He'd never been one for indulging in day dreams, but ones where they were happily bonded, or laying in bed, or any where she was still with him were too valuable to pass up now. "_I still love you my Star."_

In her bed Uhura woke with the pain in her chest nagging her again, and her pillow wet with tears.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Star Trek is not owned by me, just loved by me.

I for some reason thought they'd made Pike Fleet Admiral at the end of the audio book, I was wrong when I listed his rank as such in chapter. 1, I've gone back and corrected that. Sorry about the false alarm that gave. I'm an Army wife Star Fleet is Naval based, so the ranks are not what I'm used to. But it's fixed and forgive me my error please. I'll be more careful in the future. I promised I would have this out last night, but at 4:48 my eyes were starting to cross, so I had to call it a night. I apologize.

I wanted to again thank all of you who reviewed you made me absolutely giddy! I also need to thanks those of you who kindly pointed out my errors. I appreciate it very much. I consider myself lucky to have such wonderful support from you all on my first attempt to write. Please feel free to let me know how I'm doing by reviewing! I like feeling giddy, it's a fun feeling!

Thank you all again!

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Grieving the Loss

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The week from hell had finally ended and for most cadets that meant the beginning of the 2 week fall break. Some had left Friday night when leave officially began, but at 0005 (12:05 A.M.) Uhura and Gaila were laughing at their failed attempts to get all their clothes into their allowed luggage.

"You know it's completely unfair that they expect females of any species to be able to bring all our 'essentials' in only 2 bags. I mean honestly! Hey, do you think you could sweet talk Bones into classifying some of this stuff as 'medically necessary' and have it transported for us that way?"

"Gaila, Darlin, I don't think you really 'need' all this stuff. Do you really need 4 pair of black boots? And why are you bothering to pack wigs, your hair is gorgeous! Do you know how many cadets go to a salon with your picture hoping their hair will come out even remotely close to how yours looks! Seriously."

"You know, _Darlin, _you have been spending way to much time around Bones. And so help me if you call me 'Darlin' one more time before I get packed I'm going to shove you in your duffle and have you shipped as the baggage that you are!" Gaila playfully chucked a shoe at Uhura's head.

"Fine, but if you do then I can't tell you my secret for packing. See I'm almost done and I started after you. The secret, Darlin," she said with a malicious grin, "is to pack like you're working a puzzle. Everything fitting in the the open spaces. I like to think of it as a game, how much stuff can I really fit into one bag. But you know it helps if you plan out your wardrobe before hand. I mean really Gaila we're only going to be there for two weeks, it's not like you are going to need to take half your closet." Uhura felt something plunk off her back and fall to the floor. It was the other shoe.

***************

The next morning the cadets going to the Model Federation Conference stood in formation listening to various ranking officers and officials give their over blown speeches about the honor of being chosen, the duty to do their best, and on and on. Bones who 'fell in' behind Uhura raised his hand to his mouth to cover it as he cleared his throat then spoke in hushed tones, "I wonder if all their hot air is causing the fog this mornin' or are they trying to see which one of us catches the flu first." Gaila and Uhura both fought to keep their laughs from breaking loose. Spock who was two rows over and standing at head of the formation as one of the ranking officers turned his head slightly and gave the cadets a silencing look.

It seemed Fleet Admirable Pike heard them, interrupting the speaker with a 'thank you' when he paused to take a breath. The cadets collectively breathed a sigh of relief. Everyone present knew they'd just been saved from yet another long winded speech. "Attention on deck" rang out as Pike stepped up the podium. "We'd like to thank all our distinguished guests for coming out so early in the morning to wish you all luck in the upcoming conference." Polite applause sounded from those not called to attention. Although more than a few grumbles were heard from the cadets. Standing outside in the San Francisco fog at 0500 (5:00 A.M.), while 6 different 'self-important windbags' as McCoy had called them, was no one's idea of fun. "We are running behind schedule so carry your bags back to the cargo hold of the shuttle and find yourself a seat – not in the bathroom – we'll be leaving in 15 minutes. Dismissed."

Bones stepped up next to Uhura and grabbed her overstuffed duffle before she could lift it. "You know that's really not necessary. I can take care of it myself. I am a big girl." She said in almost mock exasperation.

"Do you have any idea what that would do to my very southern mother who taught her little boy to hold out chairs, open doors, say ma'am to a lady, and always carry her bags.... especially the heavy ones. What the hell'd you pack in here anyway the 'kitchen sink'."

"Why would she need to bring a sink, don't they have those in New York? I thought that was your most advanced city." Gaila looked genuinely worried.

"Yeah, that city's so advanced it'll chew you up and spit you out." Bones grumbled, "It was a joke. What is it about the color green and not getting jokes."

Uhura laughed amiably, and took Bones' personal bag slinging it over her shoulder . It caught on her pony tail just as she a Bones crossed behind where Admiral Pike, Kirk and Spock were all talking to the press. Since they were the 'saviors' of the Earth, and the Federation anytime the press could talk to them they grabbed the chance.

At her hiss of pain Spock whipped his head around to see Bones had lifted the strap from her shoulder, and was pulling her hair from underneath. All the while speaking quietly to her. If the insipid report would stop blaring questions into his ear he might have had a chance to hear them. As it was all he could hear was her raucous laughter in an attempt to catch Jim Kirk's eye. He should tell her it wasn't that hard, if for no other reason than to shut her up.

"Admiral, Cadet Kirk, there are some final preparations that I must see to before we depart. If you will excuse me please, Ms. Conroy." Spock nodded to the reporter, and turned to leave, as he felt his wrist being grab only a second before her thoughts flooded him. None of which he wanted to know, the one that rang out the most was 'If you leave you pointy eared jerk the others will too. I don't have his com-number yet. You know, he looks a lot like those Romans, or whatever they were, I wonder what the angle is there. Could be a story in it....' Pike who'd been with Spock the longest noticed his friend stop breathing and bristled. At Pike's irritated expression Jim followed the gaze of the older man's eyes. Pike was looking down at Spock's captured wrist.

Hearing Pike's voice afforded Spock the momentary distraction he needed to raise his mental shields. "Ms. Conrad, Conner, Condor..."

"Conroy," Kirk supplied becoming angry himself at her lack of respect.

"Right, Ms. Conroy, Vulcan's are touch-telepaths and it is considered very rude to touch them without their permission."

Kirk could tell Admiral Pike was getting a little more than just defensive. Spock stood there rubbing his the skin on his wrist where she'd touched him, his mind like his eyes, were elsewhere. Kirk jumped in to salvage the situation before it went from mild to being called 'to the carpet' of the Fleet Admiral's office. "Right, well, thank you for your time Ms. Conroy. It's been a pleasure, but we're long over due for our flight, so we really must be going." He motioned for the near by security officers, "These gentlemen will be happy to show on your way. Again thank you for coming out." The officers wasted no time in ushering the reporter and her camera man away. No one wanted to make Pike any angrier than he already appeared to be. Pike was generally easy going as command personalities go, but like most he had a beast of a temper when it go going.

"You okay, Spock?" Pike's concern brought his trusted friend out of his thoughts. Returning to his normal ridged posture and pulling his hands behind his back where he once again clasp his offended wrist and continued to rub it.

"All is well Admiral. Now if you'll excuse me." He turned and caught her looking at him as if surprised he were there. He looked from Bones then Uhura and nodded his head. He hoped his expression was impassive, he most certainly didn't feel that way.

************

An hour later the shuttle was making final preparations for lift off. Cadets were stowing personal bags, and finding seats. Kirk had headed towards the front of the shuttle to sit with Spock. He hoped to convince him to apply for the position of First Officer/Science Officer on board the Enterprise with him. He was waylaid in route by Gaila who all but demanded that he sit with her. His motto of 'never leave a female wanting' made him say yes to her request. He'd catch up with Spock later, after all they were going to spending the next 2 weeks in New York how hard could finding him be. Uhura made her way onto the shuttle talking with Chekov who she hadn't seen since they'd disembarked from the Enterprise. They were chatting animatedly in his native Russian. He had been telling her about finishing up his latest masters degree, it seemed if he and Sulu were having a competition as to who be the second smartest man on the bridge of the Enterprise, assuming of course Spock returned. Their conversation continued until he came to a stop in the aisle. She gave him a quizzical look, at his response her heart sank.

"_I thought you would want to sit with Commander Spock._"

At the sound of his name Spock looked up to see Uhura standing in the aisle. Their eyes met then hers flickered to the empty seat next to him. "The seat is unoccupied." He said then returned to reading from his PADD keeping one ear on the conversation.

"Thank you Commander." She turned to Chekov, "You take it. I'm going to go see if I can find Bones. I need to give him his bag. See you in New York." With that she left, quickly. Spock had hoped she might sit with him, it would have given them some semblance of privacy, even if it was just sitting in her presence, he longed to spend time with her. After she'd left Spock looked at Chekov who was still standing in the aisle looking a little shell shocked. "Admiral Pike did express that he had something he wished to discuss with me during the flight. However, if you have something you wish to discuss, I'm sure he can make other arrangements."

"N-no Commander, thank you, but I think I will go and look for Mr. Sulu."

*********************

The flight to New York was uneventful once it finally got underway. The old military adage of 'Hurry up and wait' seemed to be in full effect today. The chaperoning officers took turns walking the cabin. Most rolled their eyes where Kirk and Gaila were concerned. Being Orion did have its advantages, amorous behavior was expected. That was not what had Spock's attention as he made his way towards the back of the shuttle while subtly looking for her. He hadn't seen her since she'd walked away to find Dr. McCoy.... where was Dr. McCoy. He reached to last row where Kirk and Gaila were watching a movie on a shared PADD. He was eating another apple in his loud, annoying fashion, while she was attempting to eat his neck. "Cadet Gaila, as you are well aware of the impact Orion pheromones have on other races, do you think your current actions are prudent considering the enclosed space." It wasn't really a question, it was more like giving a child the choice between doing the right thing or getting in trouble. When the mischievous look came to her eyes, he was sure she'd made the wrong choice. He should have known better than to make it a choice where an Orion was concerned.

Gaila sat up ramrod straight and placed her hands on her thighs in a perfect imitation of the Pharaonic pose. "Well that would depend on whether or not he starts to respond. Right now it's mostly just annoying." At the arching of Spock's brow Gaila relented. "Is this better Commander?" She was still angry with him for upsetting her roommate. She loved Uhura dearly and was very protective of her. Since Spock had made her cry, Commander or not, she didn't like him.

"It is a beginning." Was the only response he gave. Although he paused a moment to shot Kirk a pointed look. He got a shrug in return. Incorrigible, that was the only way to describe Jim Kirk.

He was intent on returning to his seat to finish reading the latest news of the remaining Vulcans, when he caught sight of Dr. McCoy. Setting his posture he walked to where the other man sat. There was only one head visible as he approached. He wondered where Nyota had gotten off too. He almost walked on by, until he noticed her boots barely sticking out in aisle. Slowing his steps he noticed her curled up in the seat with her head and upper body pillowed on the good doctor's lap. Clenching his jaw he started to move away again. He hated that she could move on so easily, while he would love her for the rest of his life.

"She's beautiful, thoughtful, caring, and smart as a tack. Any man would give more than one body part to have her on his arm. But she doesn't see any of us. Not really. Now I don't know if you're aware of this, or even care at this point, but she was the heart and soul on that bridge. A beacon of light in a whole hell of a lot of darkness. It was this beautiful woman that first showed confidence in you and in Jim while you sat in the big chair. Without her those kids probably would have ran crying home to their mommies at the first sign of trouble. She showed them all how to trust in their commanding officers and do their job when it came time to act."

Both men looked at the woman in question as she readjusted her place in McCoy's lap. He ran his fingers through her cheek, settling her back into sleep. "She's not been sleeping well lately. You wouldn't know anything about that though would you, Commander?" Bones gave Spock a look that said he didn't really expect and answer. Nor did he wait long enough for Spock to attempt one before continuing, "No, I don't suppose you would. Considering the dark circles under your eyes I'd say the sandman's been avoiding you too. Here's a little free medical advice for you. Heartbreak isn't good for the soul. Supposing you have one of those mixed in with all your green blood and scrambled up organs. When a woman gives you her heart it's like being handed the keys to the universe. It's not something you hand back. Not if you're smart. Which your race claims to be." He resumed stroking her again, "I'll tell you something though, if I thought she'd ever look at me with half the love in her eyes she held for you I'd snatch her up in a heartbeat and die a happy man. But she won't. She's only got eyes for you." McCoy locked eyes with him. "You're a damned fool and you don't deserve her."

Spock opened the overhead compartment and pulled out a blanket. He looked the doctor hard in the eyes "It is unwise to bestow medical advice unless one is in possession of all the facts. Which you are not." Spock thoughts ground to a stop and shook the adoring Dr. McCoy's eyes at the words Uhura uttered in her sleep.

"Spock."

He handed the blanket to the doctor. "She likes to be covered when she sleeps." His words came out breathy, empty, and his eyes remained on her. Bones noticed the ghost of an emotion that crossed behind his eyes. He drew breath to ask the commander about it, when Spock slowly shook his head and returned to his seat. McCoy watched as Pike gave him a questioning look. He received the same answer that Bones had just been given. Pike however did not give up so easily, they had been through too much together and known each other longer. Turning slowly he caught McCoy looking at them. Awareness crossed his face as two and two fell into place.

Spock made no more rounds the rest of the flight.

****************

Thorval had been working on the air systems of the building for days now. He was surprised how easily he'd be able to walk in replace a piece of pipe here, a coil there. All would be ready by the time the reception. If he did this his she would be safe. That had become his mantra during over time. He didn't care for their agendas, or covert planning. He wanted to live out his days in peace and watch her grow.

Back in his room, away from prying eyes, he opened his com-panel. He hoped their were new messages from her. He'd been away so long. It's hard to be away from your first child, N'neya, she was only 3 years this coming cycle. He'd recorded holo's of himself reading all her favorite books before he left. He wanted her to have memories of him if this all went horribly wrong. If he was lucky this week's end they would allow him to visit her. He would do anything for just a few moments time with her. N'neya was all he had left of his beloved. So if it took doing something so abhorrent as become a mass murder then to keep her safe he would.

"_Hi Daddy! I miss you! Mr. Ro'dan said I could call you today because you had been a good boy. You have to be a good boy Daddy so I can call you more often. Maybe if you're a really good boy I can come and see you again. Look Daddy, I drew you a picture. It's us and we're together just like we used to be. I miss you a whole bunch Daddy. But I'm a big girl and listen to Mr. Ro'dan and my teachers just __like you told me to. I even picked up the puzzles today without even having to be told......." _

The message went on for half a standard hour. She told him about her day. What she'd done in class. The people she'd met. What she'd eaten. Anything that crossed her mind, and he was happy to sit and listen. He replayed the message four more times before he succumb to the sadness and anger that gripped him. After he composed himself he headed back to work. He would finish his task this night or work straight through until he did. He wanted his life back, and she was his life.

**********************

Bones woke her just before the initial fly over of West Point's campus. She was amazed at how beautiful the area was. The mountains spoke of their age, and river below looked as glass with diamonds floating in it. Everywhere there was either ice or snow, "I hate the cold." she said looking to Bones with a shiver.

"Well Darlin I'd say you're out of luck." he replied with a good natured chuckle.

It took considerably longer for the cadets to get off the shuttle than it had taken to get on. All of them seemed to be shocked by the cold blast of wind that ripped through the cabin as soon as the door had been opened. Uhura pulled her wool uniform coat a little tighter as she stepped from the shuttle on to the icy landing pad. "This is just evil!" She said stepping into formation next to Bones. They had to stand there until everyone was off the shuttle, got their assignments for housing, bags were unloaded, and whatever other pertinent information was pass along.

"Welcome to West Point, New York. I know you're all freezing so we'll make this short. You're all staying the Thayer Hotel." Pike pointed to the building behind the formation. "You have your first reception tonight at 1830 hours, the dress is semi-casual, there will be dinner, you will not be late. There are other classes going on here so do you best to not get in the way or disturb them. If you want to go sightseeing around the campus take the tour, don't just go wandering around aimlessly. There are also dignitaries from the various planets here to see how their delegations do. Since we're the hosting planet, you're the hosting delegation. Be good hosts. You will get your itineraries and room assignments at check in. Dismissed."

****************

Uhura and Gaila were given connecting rooms, which suited them just fine. It meant they were able to help each other get ready for the reception. Gaila, as always, took longer to get ready than Uhura even though she wore less clothes. "What! It's a dress! It's cute! Don't give me that look. I can't help it if you can't regulate your body temperature like I can. Orion's always run hot, no matter the conditions or situation." Gaila tried to look indignant. She might have been able to pull it off if she weren't grinning like the Cheshire cat.

"I didn't say anything. Just don't breath too deeply, or bend over, or move..."

I'm crazy, not stupid. I know that Star Fleet casual and my casual are different. I just hate clothes. Consider it a genetic quirk. Besides this skirt is just as long as my uniform."

"Whatever! Let's go I don't want to be late." Gaila and Uhura reached the door at the same time. This time it was Uhura's turn to get hip checked by Gaila. Had anyone else been in the hallway they would have heard their laughter's echo.

*********************

To say she looked beautiful would have been a gross understatement. Her hair had been left mostly down, she wore a simple dress that was made of ivory cashmere, high necked, long sleeves, belted, with a matching coat made of like material. He would burn this image of her in his mind to hold forever. She stopped as she came into the room looking for someone that he was sure was not him. When their eyes did meet she offered him a small sad smile in greeting, that he returned with a ever so slight nod of his head. They held each others gaze for a heartbeat, both minds playing out achingly similar scenarios that neither would act upon.

Uhura was the first to wake from the shared reverie by the touch of Bones on her elbow. "You know it's not fair to walk in here looking like an angel. No one's going to notice Gaila and won't she be fun to live with after that." That brought a grin to Uhura's face that almost wiped the sadness from her eyes. "Here Darlin, drink this. No hard liquor to be found at this dog and pony show, this is the best I could do. It's some kind of warm spiced wine. Don't ask me the name. I'm not the one with the talented tongue." That running joke actually made her laugh.

************

Dinner was served half and hour later. It was a quiet affair, most of the conversation centered around what was to be expected out of the next two weeks. They found out that the delegations would meet throughout the week but that they had the weekends to themselves. There would be a formal reception held on the 26th and then another on the 1st. They also found out they had to meet at 0530 the next morning for a breakfast, and all the delegations would be there. This effectively ended the dinner. Not only were the cadets tired from the drama and stress associated with the trip so far, but no matter how you sliced it 0530 (5:30 A.M.) was early. Not to mention that their body clocks were still functioning on Federation Standard Time that was 3 hours earlier than the time used on this campus.

Pike and Spock stayed in the dining hall after everyone had left discussing expectations, chaperoning schedules, and monitoring duties for the instructors that had come along on this trip. Spock noticed Pike's yawn's were coming more frequently. He knew that Pike had probably over taxed his body with the traveling today. "I will finish the scheduling and present it to you in the morning. Goodnight Christopher." He gave his friend a stern look that let him know there would be no arguing. Pike smiled and left Spock to it. An hour later Spock heard the tink of glasses come from the room adjoining the dining hall. He rounded the corner in time to Uhura settling back in one of the arm chairs that faced the fireplace.

"May I join you" he asked her over the back of her chairs mate.

Sniffing she waved her hand at the empty chair. He took a glass and poured himself some of the spiced wine she was drinking. He felt her eyes on him as he settled back in the chair. "I thought Vulcan's didn't drink."

"We do suffer the effects of the alcohol, this particular drink has an interesting or pleasing flavor. But answer you previous statement, yes we do drink. You yourself have seen me drink tea quite often." She smiled. It was a tight smile, and her eyes never lifted from the flames in front of them, but it was a small victory none the less. "If I may ask why are you still awake?"

"Can't sleep. I slept most of the way here. I also couldn't resist this scene. It's like one I've had in a dream that is now very far out of reach." She continued to look at the fire as tears built in her eyes again. "Before you ask, I want to tell you, but I don't. I know you Vulcan's and your curiosity. I dreamt of us sitting similarly to how we are now with our children playing around a fire just like this one. Ever since you told me that your family still lit fires on cold desert nights."

"Why would you not want to tell me this, and why did you?"

"To keep from hurting myself, and to hurt you respectively. I know that's mean and horrible of me, but I'm still in love with you. Even after finding out that this whole time you've belong to someone else. That I have been 'the other woman', I still love you. And I hate you for it." The tears were leaving glowing tracks in the fire light. They sat there in a tense silence that followed her statement. Both getting lost in the dancing fire's light. Both trying hard to repress their emotions. Him succeeding, her failing. A sob brought Spock's attention back to his companion. He watched as Uhura wiped at her eyes only to have the tears begin falling again. Spock placed his glass on the table next his chair. He stood and walked over to her. Taking the glass from her hand he placed it on the table next to his. Slowly, to gage her reaction he sat on the ottoman in front of her chair and looked up in her eyes.

He reached up to wipe the tears that were over flowing. He spoke to her in a language that she'd never thought beautiful until she's heard it uttered from his lips. The words made her heartbreak and soar all in the same breath. "_You were never the 'other women'. I have only ever loved you Nyota. No matter where my life leads me, now that ours are not intertwined, I will only ever love you. Vulcan's when they do find their 'soul's mate' as you called it will only ever love that person, till their dying day. As I will love you, come what may._"

With that she fell forward into his arms where she wept from grief at the loss of him. Spock held her tightly to himself, his heart feeling a little less heavy now. 'At least she'll know now, no matter what happens she has been told.'

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Please review!


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. I'm not that cool.

This chapter is dedicated to QTFics, thanks for the nudges! I would also like to thank ChrissyCC23 for kindly pointing out my errors (again - I promise I do proof read before I put these out - stupid dyslexia!)

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Coming undone - edited

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The next morning came entirely to early for her. She she looked in the bathroom mirror as she got ready to start this day the end of the previous one came to mind.

He'd held her while she'd cried. She'd lost track of the time as to how long. After a while he spoke to her softly in hushed tones. "Come, I will walk you to your room." They stood to leave, while she placed their glasses on the dining room table he picked up the PADD's he and Pike had been pouring over. From the other side of the table he heard her speak. Her voice was so soft that human ears would have never heard the words. Maybe her intention was to be unheard, but he had. He wouldn't let what she had said go without response. "I will not be happy despite you wishes that I be so. If I confide in you, would you... Nyota, I do not know how to make you understand. Vulcan's are not such an open race as humans. I have told you all that I can. More than I should. However to ease you heart I would lay open all the secrets of the universe if they were but mine to give. Ask me what you will. If I have the words I will answer."

"Will you love her?"

"No."

"Is she beautiful?"

"How could anyone ever compare to a star."

"Stop it. You can't do that. It's not fair. You have to let me grieve the loss of you. I need to morn what I have lost so I can move on with my life."

"I apologize."

"I don't want you to apologize. I want you to wake me from this horrible dream and tell me the last two weeks didn't just happen. I want to wake up in your arms, and have you scold me for some insignificant thing or another like leaving my socks all over. I want to roll my eyes at you and fall back asleep listening to your heart thundering in my ear. I want to enjoy the fact that I'm actually warm when I lay next to you."

"Nyota..." He said as he moved to reach her.

"Don't you dare!" She said slamming her hands down on the table. She lowered her head for a moment. When she looked up he saw the resolution set in her eyes. "I'm done with this. This is finished. We are finished. Goodnight and goodbye Commander." She said straightening. She turned sharply and went straight to her room crying herself to sleep.

****************

'This without a doubt has got to be the most boring day of my entire life.' Uhura thought not for the first time. She sat listening to the long, never-ending lectures, disguised as speeches, given by people who had no concept of how to hold their audiences attention. Nor did they cared to. The student delegations had been given outlines of the resolutions they would be debating, and were introduced to the race or races that were the main focus of said resolutions. Inspiring that race's ambassador to give a speech about the resolution, "To help everyone get a better grasp on the situation that forced the resolution to become a Federation matter." This continued until they broke for lunch, where particular members of the academy's delegation were introduced and thanked by yet another contingent of ambassadors and media. Even Kirk was getting tired of the all the attention by this point.

After lunch, treaties were the topic of discussion, which lead to more speeches. "If all this pomp and circumstance is what it takes to get through a Model Federation, no wonder it takes these blowhards so long to act." Bones had said to her conspiratorially as they resettled after one of their few and far between breaks.

Sometime during the morning she noticed Bones and Scotty had stopped listening to all the 'wind bags' and had switched their PADD's over to reading their professions latest research publications. After lunch Bones moved on to studying for his currency tests he would be required to pass before graduation. "Like battlefield triage wasn't enough." he'd complained to her. Jim had eaten 3 apples, and was rolling a fourth around in his hands. Gaila was shopping via her PADD. Sulu and Chekov were playing a cooperative game through their linked PADD's. Uhura was about to open a book when she noticed Spock stiffen where he sat next to Pike. Following his gaze she noticed a contingent of Vulcan's entering the back of the room. His father was among them, as well as a few other, very ornamentally decorated others. In the group was the wizened Vulcan she'd seen Spock having lunch with on her girl's day out. That Vulcan elder's eyes seemed to find hers staring again. And again he nodded to her. She smiled again in return.

The conference finally broke for dinner an hour later than scheduled. Bones grumbled that the Andorian Ambassador did it on purpose possibly to aggravate the Vulcan's. "He must have been successful, they do look aggravated," she noted. "Not that they didn't have a logical reason to be. I mean think about it. This conference must be close to hell for them." This earned her a variety of looks from her table mates that ranged from crazy, to contemptuous, to sympathetic. "Stop looking at me like that. Just think about it. They come from a arid environment. Coming from one of Earth's closest equivalents, I can tell you the weather here is bordering on painful with how boreal it is. They were once one of the Federation's preeminent races. Now their place is more, precarious. The are telepathic, granted as a whole they are mostly touch telepaths , but some are stronger. (*) They're surrounded by races that a 100 years ago would have used this opportunity to wipe them out of existence, so if any of that long standing malice remains they would certainly notice in here is such close quarters."

Bones rolled his eyes at her before he spoke. "Has anyone ever told you your too good. Look, I've been listening to self-important, pompous, grand-standers all day talk about their 'needs of the many' crap and how their needs are more important. Not to mention, I've been paraded around more than a prize winning pig at the county fair. Right now all I want to do is have a drink and get some sleep. The only good thing I can say about this day is that I got caught up on all my medical journals. I also got more studying today than I could have ever gotten done at the Academy." He gave Kirk a pointed look.

"Yeah, well, you study too much. You need to get out more. All work and no play makes Bones a dull boy." He said rapping the other man across the back.

"One of us has got too. We all know he doesn't." Bones mumbled under his breath to Uhura.

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They all took Bone's medical advice, getting a drink and heading to bed rather early especially for them. Kirk commented on how amazing it was that sitting all day could make a person tired. He didn't even try to hide the wink he sent to Gaila. None present believed her melodramatic insistence she was exhausted.

"Shoot! I forgot my PADD back downstairs." Uhura said just as she got her door open.

"Want me to walk you back to get it?" Bones asked ever the gentleman.

"No it's okay. You guys go on and head to bed. I'm so forgetful sometimes. I know exactly where I left it. It'll only take me a second to grab it."

Saying their good nights everyone parted ways heading to their respective beds. Well almost everyone. Kirk fiddled with his door lock until everyone else was in their room. Seconds after the others doors shut Gaila poked her head out and called Kirk to her room. "You know it's a good thing neither one of you is in the intelligence department. You two would make lousy spies?" Uhura hadn't even made it five steps down the hall. This earned her Kirk's patented boyish grin and matching wink as he was shut the door to Gaila's room.

*********************************

Uhura had always thought hotel halls were creepy. You never knew who was lurking behind closed doors. She stepped up her pace just a little. She didn't want to act like a child running from the boogieman, but she didn't want linger in the hall of the old, creepy-at-night hotel, that was probably haunted. Making her way through the lobby she smiled at the clerk on duty as she headed downstairs to the lower level of the dining rooms. She went to the back of the adjoining Hudson Terrace Dining Room were her group had been. Her PADD was not there. The next place he thought to look was the cocktail lounge. Bones had needed a drink, and Scotty had said it was bad manners to let a man drink alone so they'd all joined in. Taking the stairs down to the lounge she heard hushed voices. One was rather unhappy, 'Odd' she thought considering it sound similar to Vulcan but the pronunciations were awkward. 'Maybe it's their local dialect. There's plenty of variations on Federation Standard, if anyone needs any proof of that just listen to our group.' She almost smiled at the thought. She started listening more closely to the words being spoken rather than their strange accent. The words and the anger behind them drew her and her breath up short.

"....into a homicidal rage." The seriousness with which the words were said scared her. It sent a shiver down the back of her spine.

"But with it being in the food, the air, and the water, it should be enough!"

"Someone draws near. Lower your voice." Uhura could hear their footsteps moving closer to where she stood on the stairs. She turned and hurried up back the way she'd come quickly, but not as quietly as she would have liked. She looked over her shoulder she as she climbed the stairs. She could hear them hurrying after. She took the stairs to the lobby two at a time hoping to at least get in a somewhat public place. How stupid of her not to accept McCoy's offer to come with her she thought as she again looked over her shoulder seeing them gaining ground. 'Of course Vulcan's can move faster than you,' she thought as one of them caught her eyes. He gave her a look that made her more scared than she had been since the battle with Nero. She was alone, and knew that she needed to get away from them - quickly.

Pushing harder she all but jumped up the last set of steps into the lobby. She saw Spock and Pike sitting near the fire place. Looking over her shoulder again she noticed the Vulcan's from the lounge were now on the landing below her. Six steps was all that separated them. "Commander a word." She spoke louder than necessary but she wanted to make sure she was well heard. The quiver in her voice brought Spock to his feet almost instantly. The Vulcan's on the landing below her stopped. They stared hard at her in warning. She watched briefly as they tilted their heads to see if she was actually speaking to someone. Stepping quickly away from them she hurried up to where Pike sat and Spock still stood. Approaching them she notice Spock staring hard over her shoulder at where she'd been standing. With such a wild look in his eyes she had to wonder if they were standing there now? Had the followed her up? Her thoughts were panicky as she rounded the chair Spock had been sitting in and turned to followed his stare. There was nothing there. They had not followed. Not yet. Returning her gaze to Spock she noticed he had lowered his head, his eyes were clenched shut. He was taking deep breaths in through his nose and breathing out through his mouth.

"Is there a problem Cadet?" Pike still sat in his chair but had turned to see if he could figured out what they were both looking at with such varied expressions. "What's going on and why do you look like you just met yourself coming?"

"No sir, no problem. Just being a girl, I guess. You know big, scary, creepy hotel at night and all." She tried to look embarrassed rather than terrified. Pike gave her that smile that most men did when they get to be the hero and kill the spider. "I can't find my personal computer PADD. I thought I'd left it downstairs. I went back to look for it, but it wasn't there. And, well, this place is kind of creepy when you're alone, at night, in the dark." She really hoped he bought her 'defenseless' girl act. Right now all she wanted to do was to go back to her room and lock the door. That brought another thought to mind, they had seen her. They knew she'd heard them. She had a room all to herself. No roommate if they decided to break in on her. Her eyes shot to Spock again. His breathing had returned to normal, but his eyes were inflamed with emotions. His look quickly darted back up over her shoulder. She didn't need to turn her head to know they had finally joined them. She clenched her hands to keep from grabbing onto Spock. His eyes turned to hers, as his posture took on it's normal more ridged appearance. Uhura's eyes were burned with tears. She was scared. Her fight or flight response was in full effect, and she had no where to go.

She could hear them speaking to Pike. They sounded so cordial. Their voices held none of the malice they had in the lounge downstairs. "Admiral Pike, we would like to express our gratitude for what you and your crew were able to accomplish on our behalf." Uhura watched Pike as he stiffly rose from his chair to met the Vulcan's. While Pike was giving his very practiced responses, Uhura turned to look up at Spock hoping to catch his eye. He was looking over her shoulder still. She willed him to feel her gaze. He'd always been so good at knowing when he was on her mind. When her thoughts of him would drift far from anything to do with the Advanced Phonology class he taught, he seemed to know. The looks he would give her were ablaze with the knowledge that his thoughts were not far from the same path. There had been more than one instance of his knowing eyes catching hers with fingers to her lips thinking about how his kisses still burned there. Why now when she so desperately wanted him to, would he not look at her.

He stepped around her to be closer to them. She turned to face them as well, but she was not so brave as to step out from behind Spock. He turned his head to look her in the eye then leaned back as if to make sure they weren't touching. It was then she noticed while his hands may have been behind his back as was the normal stance for most Vulcan's, his fingers were curled, except two. Taking a deep shuddering breath she stepped closer to his shoulder so that touching him would not put them in an awkward position alerting the other Vulcan as to what was occurring. She could feel him instantly in her mind, but unlike the times they had joined he was not the calm to her racing emotions. He felt like a storm that had yet to reach her. His thoughts were fleeting moments of calm, thunderous crashes of agitation, and brilliant lighting flash of anger. All the while the winds of his possessiveness swirling threw her mind.

'Nyota, tell me what has happened. Show me why you are frightened. I am here with you, ashayam. There is no longer any need for you to fear.' She heard his voice drift through her mind. She felt his presence within her, filling her. She missed him on almost a spiritual level. It was amazing to know someone this intimately. She sighed at the completion he brought. Calming herself she began. She slowly ran her thoughts through what had happened up until this point. Reliving them again she became frightened once more. 'Peace, Nyota. Be calm. I am here. I can not be the halcyon for us both this night. All is well. Be at peace.' He said to her in the deep, purring, soothing tone that was reserved for the times when they were alone.

She relaxed, the adrenaline abated. With the loss of the stimulant she began to grow very tired. She tried to break the connection by pulling her fingers from his. He wrapped his long once curled fingers around her wrist holding hers to his. 'Not yet, hold just a moment more. I need you this night. I am... unsettled.' She was losing her focus. Their seemed to be a weight falling on her, pushing her conscience mind down. She was beginning to get the fuzzy feeling she had in the moments between wakefulness and dreaming. She nodded her acquiescences. It hadn't occurred to her she wasn't supposed to be nodding. All she wanted to do now was curl up under a blanket. She'd even settle for sleeping in one of the wing-backed chairs that sat in front of the fireplace, so long as they gave her a blanket and she could sleep. When Uhura began to sway on her feet, it did not go unnoticed by any in the room.

"Are you okay Cadet.....?" Pike had asked interrupting one of the Vulcan's.

"Cadet Uhura, are you well?" Spock spoke catching her before she fell on him.

"...sleepy Sir. Apologize for not staying awake. Long days and all." She did her best to remain on her feet.

She thought she was doing well until she heard Pike's voice. "Commander, take her to her room. I don't care how you get her there. From the looks of her you'll have to carry her. I don't want her roaming the halls half dead. Make sure she sleeps Spock."

"Yes Sir. Gentlemen if you'll excuse us." Uhura felt herself being lifted off the ground. Which was good because she didn't want to be standing anymore anyway. She felt Spock's warm body next to her as his carried her...to her room? She didn't care at this point so long as she could sleep. She could see the world graying around her as it came closer to her conscience was so close now, but she was hearing something. What was it? Words, yes Spock must be talking to her.

"... apologize for inducing your sleep. I wanted to move you away from situation without suspicion, and that was the expeditious way. I am here now. I am with you. Sleep. I will be there when you wake, my ashayam."

Sleep. That sounded like a wonderful idea. She was so very tired. Her arms felt like lead as she tried to move them to hold on to him. She felt him shift her so the her head lay against his neck. A contented sigh was the last thing to cross through her mind, from her lips as she slipped into the sleep that fought to claim her.

**************

She awoke sometime later in a bed that was not hers, in a room that was not hers. There was another person in the room that she couldn't see due the lack of light pollution that she'd become accustom to at the Academy. She wasn't bound or gagged, so that had to be good. All she could hear is the other persons breathing. His lung capacity was greater than hers. She could tell as she measured the breaths. Maybe 'he' didn't know she was aware of 'his' presence. Maybe 'he' didn't know she was awake. Slowly she felt the bed moving. Was 'he' in bed with her. What had happened before she passed out. Spock, he had been there, and Pike. Those other Vulcan's were there too.

"You are safe, Nyota. I am here."

She slid her hand across the mattress reaching for him in the darkness. She need to touch him make sure this wasn't a trick of her mind. "I am unsettled this night. I can not offer you what you need." She continued to reach for him. She just wanted to know that he was really there. That she was safe. She felt so shaken, still so very scared. How could a race think of doing that, and to whom? How could Vulcan's do that. They were a superior race to the majority of the Federation, but they had lost so much. She was so confused, so heart sore over all that had happened in too short a time. She needed him to ground her. Unwelcome tears stung her eyes.

He heard her voice as she fought to hold in the sob that caught in her throat. He wanted to be there for her. He knew she'd been terrified. He'd felt the depth of her fear, but he could not find his center now. He could not get to his barriers to respond, they were failing him. Maybe he was just failing. He moved to stand next to the window overlooking the Hudson River gorge. It was snowing - again. He wanted to go outside side and disappear into the wilds as he had as a child. Only now there was no desert to run into. Vulcan's were in control of their metabolism enough that the cold wouldn't effect him for a while. Not at all if he wore the insulating clothes of his home planet. He wouldn't leave her, he needed to be here for her. He needed to rein in his emotions. He couldn't understand where this was coming from. He didn't have mind shock as his bond-mate had not been ripped away from him. By all accounts his mind should be whole and intact. He needed to focus on something else.

"Why would they do that? Why would your members of your race – a peaceful race – do this? And to who?"

"I do not know." There that line of thought would be safe. Why indeed? Certainly the Vulcan's had had their enemies, but they were hardly in a position to be encouraging retaliation from and former enemies. Not while they were in such a precarious state. Spock was so lost in his thoughts he didn't realized she'd moved until she wrapped her arms around him from behind. He felt her kiss the back of his neck. She slowly let her head come to rest above his shoulder blades on his back. She pulled a deep, calming breath, holding the scent in her lungs long enough to once again commit it to memory.

"Thank you, for being there. For taking care of me. Before you say something to negate your actions, like you were just following orders, or one does not thank logic, I want you to know your actions meant a lot to me."

Spock let his head fall back until it rested atop hers. "I felt your fear. I could not just abandon you too it."

"Yeah about that. You said you induced my sleep? How so?" She moved her hands from underneath his at his waist up his chest pulling him tightly to her.

"It is a technique used to settle a bond-mate. It is usually used when she is under distress, which you were. I apologize if I have over stepped my bounds with you. That was not my intention." Spock sounded little like a child seeking his parents approval.

"I know, and that is a another reason I loved you so. I do have a favor to ask if you're willing."

"Nyota, you know I can not deny you. Ask and if it within my ability it shall yours."

"I'd like to spend the night with you. I don't want to be alone. Not again. Not tonight." Uhura said hoped she'd not overstepped bounds either.

He turned in her arms and wrapped his around her. " I would love nothing more, ashayam."

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* think ST:TNG 'Sarek'

A/N:

I am operating under the idea that no creature could have suffered as much as Spock has and not come out a little damaged. He's a little cracked at the moment. There are varying reasons that will be explained farther in the story. But if you think about it, he was bullied every day. He was pushed by this father to be more Vulcan than he was, and given no honest reason why. In the epilogue there's a line that says – any demons tormenting his soul were pushed to deepest, darkest part of his psyche. So he's got some darkness in him after all this, and some demons to be dealt with.

I feel I should also explain that in my story Spock, Scotty and Bones are all older than the rest of the bridge crew. Bone's age was given at around 30 in the audio book, as doctor he could have been recruited after he got his license. Also medical personnel have to pass proficiency tests every so often. My friend hates hers. She has to go to the local testing center and the tests take all day. She says it's worse than the ACT/SAT's kind of thing. Spock would have to be older too, not only does the movie say distinguished graduate, but the military operates on a time in rank system. You have to have a certain time in rank and/or accomplished certain things before you can be promoted. To make it to Commander means he's older. Scotty sent to Delta Vega, in lieu of a court martial, so he was already an officer before the events of the movie. So in my mind they are all around the same age, late 20's early 30's. I'd say Bones is the oldest, but Vulcan's live the longest so maybe Spock is and is just aging better than the others.....

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Please review.... it gives me inspiration!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. I'm not that cool.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. My focus is on getting the words right, and making them flow. I will do my best, and fix any errors pointed out to me. But I beg your patience with me in this.

You've all been so wonderful to me! I'm glad I'm pleasing you with this story! I love hearing from you!

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To say it was a surprise to see Spock and Uhura come down to the morning formation together would have been an understatement. It took two commands of "Attention" to everyone there. Even Bones was at a loss for words, although the rarity of that occurrence was lost on everyone. After the morning formation Gaila was the first to snap out of still lingering shock to question her on it, and she was not polite.

"What in all the gods names do you think you are doing? Do you not remember being in our room not so long ago crying your eyes out over the very male you walked downstairs with? And you'd better not tell me you spent the night with him either!"

Bones quirked an eyebrow at her from over Gaila's shoulder. "I'm sure there's a wonderfully logical reason she came downstairs with the very reason why she fainted in my room." His disappointed look almost hurt. She filled her lungs with breath to tell them when she felt the hairs on the back of her neck stand. _They_ were standing not far from where her group stood. She started to tremble at the look they gave her. The face of the taller one was completely devoid of any emotion, but his eyes burned with a hatred she'd not seen since Nero. To escape his gaze she pushed her attention to the smaller of the two. She noticed him raising something in his hands to her attention. Her PADD. They had her personal computer PADD. They knew all of her personal information, her room, her accounts, her personal communications, her journals, all of her.

The two were approaching her group. She wanted to run. She looked around the room for Spock. He'd saved her last night, he knew who they were, what they'd said. Surely he'd save her today. She couldn't see Spock. 'Why do Vulcan's have to be so tall. Why do they all have to look so similar. Why do I have to be so short.' She thought as her mind raced, looking for anyway out of this situation. Bones noticed her trembling and grabbed her arm. "Darlin', I didn't mean to upset you. I care about you that's all. We don't want you to get caught up in mind games is all."

"That's not it." She could barely whisper. The taller one had locked his gaze with hers. It was like being stalked by a predator. Try as she might she couldn't look away. "I have to get away. Bones help me." He followed her gaze and noticed the two Vulcan's coming there way. Turning back to Uhura he gave her a very confused look. "Darlin', I trust you but you're going to have to tell me what's going on."

"Cadet Kirk, Thorval and I have not had the opportunity to acknowledge the accomplishments of you self and your crew on our behalf. We would very much like to communicate our gratitude to you and to your crew. All of which we have not had the opportunity to meet." Kirk slipped into his easy practiced grin and began the introductions. When he got to Uhura she nodded like the rest had, but couldn't repress the trembling that was growing worse the longer she was in their presence.

Saval, the name of the taller of the two Vulcan's, spoke up as soon as the introductions were finished. "Cadet Uhura you were the one responsible for translating the transmission were you not?" He asked trying to move into the group closer to her. Bones however wouldn't be moved from her side. "Can you speak the Romulan language as well, Cadet?"

Uhura nodded at each of his questions not trusting her voice to work. Her mind was screaming at her to get away, to run. She couldn't do so without attracting attention. She had hoped Spock was in the room. That he would come and save her again. So far he had not. It wasn't Spock, but Bones who came to her rescue this time, finding a way to remove her from the situation. "Darlin, you haven't eaten this morning have you? You look a wreck. You're already starting to shake. Gentlemen if you'll excuse me I need to get our girl something to eat. She's hypoglycemic and we can't have her passion out on us, now can we." He didn't wait for a response from any present. Bones pulled her into the main dining room.

As they rounded the corner Uhura found out why Spock had not come to her rescue this morning. He was engaged in conversation with the group of Vulcans who'd come into the conference late the day before. Bones stepped in front of her as soon as he noticed where her line of sight was. "You don't want to look over there. Trust me. I don't know what went on between you two last night, but that is not something I want you want to see."

"Why? What's going... on." She noticed from over Bones shoulder that Spock had his first two fingers extended to a Vulcan woman in the group. This woman Uhura noticed was tall, thin, but curvy in the right places. She appeared graceful even more so that the average Vulcan, she had her two fingers extended almost meeting Spock's. Uhura noticed that he was staring at her intently, while her gaze was elsewhere. "Oh." She said rubbing that hole that had ripped open in her chest again. "Bones, I'm not really hungry anymore. Thanks for taking care of me though." She said slowly walking towards the table that had been designated for her delegations use.

She felt empty. She felt the hole where her heart was last night rip and tear until she thought she'd break apart. It was so hard to breath here. When had all the oxygen left the room, no wait that wasn't it, her chest. It was hurting so badly she couldn't draw a full breath. She felt herself being drawn down into the spiral that had threatened to consume her after her parting with Spock in the stairwell. She knew who that woman was she didn't need to be told. His wife, or betrothed, or intended, or whatever they called it. That was the woman that would fill Spock's life from now on, while her life, her world had shattered beyond repair.

"Are you going to listen to me now? Are you finally going to let go, and move on?" She could hear Gaila chattering, and Jim leaping to her defense. None of their words were really processing. She heard Bones in her ear. He was moving her somewhere, pulling her along by her arm. She didn't care where he took her. Maybe he'd do her a favor and throw her off the cliff towards the Hudson River. As cold as it was here it's wouldn't take anytime for her to succumb to hypothermia. She realized her face was cold, but found that she couldn't bring herself to care as to why, or what the cause was.

"Look darlin, I'm sorry you had to see that. I didn't want you too. I was just trying to do like you asked and get you away from those Vulcans." He pulled an old fashioned handkerchief from his pants pocket and began dabbing at her cheeks.

**********

T'Pring would not touch him. She was blocking him from her in every possible way. Mental shields, eye contact, she would give him nothing. No way to reach her. She was acting exactly opposite of the way she should be acting towards him. And he was losing his patience with her. After all these years of having her voice, her presence in the back of his mind telling him exactly how little she thought of him all these years she could at least grant him the few minutes he needed to end this damnable bond. But no she was going to continue to be difficult. She had been so the day they had been bonded, and that particular aspect of her personality had only grown as she had. He wanted to get this accomplished before Nyota found him with her. He had not explained all of Vulcan culture, but she was brilliant enough to put two and two together.

"Spock, there will be a meeting held later this night to finalize the selection of the planet on which we shall begin the Vulcan colony. You will attend." his father said drawing him out of his thoughts and away from T'Pring.

"I shall attend if my duties allow, father." He was so aggravated at her that he did not care if that emotion slipped into his tone. How many people thought they could make demands of him! He needed to be with Nyota. He had not liked how those two other Vulcan's had scared her.

"You are my son. I have said you will attend. I wish it to be so, and so it will be." Sarek's tone left no room for argument. He was all too used to getting his way. As Ambassador he had always gotten things to work in his favor no matter who he came up against. As head of their family his decisions were law. Even T'Pau had to abide by them, whether she like and agree with them or not.

"His Vulcan blood is thin. He is not welcome in these decisions. Nor should his opinion factor in the decision making. If he is there than I shall not be." Spock was losing his temper with her. How dare she speak out of turn. How dare T'Pring as his intended bond-mate say anything against him. He was turning to tell her so when movement of red outside the terrace windows caught his eye.

Bones stayed outside with Uhura until she began shivering. He hoped the Vulcan's had moved into a different room, anything to keep them out of her line of sight. She had been getting better. Life had started coming back into her, and then that overgrown elf had stuck his nose back into her life. She didn't need this. She'd already been through enough. He was going to make it a point to find that miserable excuse for an overgrown Christmas decoration and tell him to stay the hell away from her.

****************

Today would have been more engaging for Uhura, if it weren't for that nagging hole in her chest. Thanks to help from Bones, Kirk and even Gaila, she'd managed to avoid Spock most of the day. What confused her companions was that she was not furious. Bones told her he was furious though not with her. Gaila said she was furious enough for them both. She glared at the Vulcan's all day to prove it.

Spock had not had a chance to speak with Pike about what happened the night before. He needed to do so. They both had been busy all day. Him with his father and the assemblage of Vulcan's. Pike with politics of the military. Spock would have to intervene soon. Pike, as always, would push himself too hard and end up doing himself permanent damage. Not to mention they had no idea what those two Vulcan's meant in their promise of homicidal rage. He thought bring Nyota along might speed the process of telling Pike. She was the one who had overheard them after all.

Deciding on his course of action he waited until they broke for lunch that day and approached the academy delegation's table. Dr. McCoy was the first to notice his approach. He promptly called it to Kirk's attention. With Kirk's attention came Gaila's. If Nyota noticed his approach she did not react to it. She did not lift her head from staring at her food. He took note of the fact that she had eaten very little, if any at all. He would have to ask her about that.

"Cadet Uhura, may I speak with you a moment." His bond with her told him the emotions she felt at his words were anything but pleasant. He knew she must have seen him with T'Pring this morning. He had tried to convince himself that she was outside with Dr. McCoy this morning to inform him on what she had overheard last night. Now he knew for certain that was not the case.

"Spock, I don't think that's a good idea." Kirk replied for them all. He was certain that his response would be better than the one Bones or Gaila would give.

The animosity at the table was stifling. He had no doubts that they all knew about T'Pring and himself this morning. Humans were always so involved in each others personal lives how did they ever have any intimacy, or privacy. He would not be dissuaded so easily. "The matter in which I require Cadet Uhura's assistance will eventually involve you all. However at the moment Admiral Pike needs to be made cognizant prior to anyone else's involvement. As he is the ranking officer it is his decision on how to proceed."

"Is that an order, Commander?" Her voice was soft, but firm when it reached his ears. She still wasn't looking at him. She had given any pretense of eating. Her hands were folded neatly on the table. Spock could clearly see they were trembling.

"_Please, do not shut me out. What has occurred is not what you might imagine. If you will but come with me I would explain it all to you. However we must find the admiral. You know he needs to be made aware of what you showed me last night."_ He started speaking to her in latin, picked and chose words from a few dead terran languages, ending with her native swahili. He wanted to make sure none could follow his words to her. He would not be so unintelligent as to show a relationship with her here before he ended his with T'Pring. He would not bring fault to Nyota even if only through extension of faulting himself. T'Pring had been unfaithful to their bond first. She would be released by him, not have her forcing it from him. He had no doubt she would if given an opportunity make it a public event in hopes of being granted a boon by his family for the slight. Nyota deserved better and he would do what must be done to give her all that he could. Even if she were not aware of the reasons behind his actions, yet.

"Is it an order, sir?" Her voice was gaining strength. "You see, I am very interested in this conference. I may even consider joining the diplomatic core. Not to mention that I am not a fan of the cold. Being from a warm place I don't deal with cold anything very well. So if it's not an order, I'd rather stay here." She was staring at him now. Her eyes were ablaze with anger. All of it was directed at him.

"No, it is not."

"Good, then sir, I respectfully decline. I'd rather stay here. Away from the cold. When Admiral Pike returns then I will be more than happy to explain to everyone what happened last night. All of them, at once. That is the more logical choice is it not, Commander? Telling the story once rather than repeating it over and over?"

She was right. She had used logic against him and he had no defense. He could not see a way around her logic to steal the few moments he would need with her to explain what she had seen. "Yes Cadet, your logic is sound." Looking around the table taking them all in turn he ended this conversation in line with her suggestion. "I will find Admiral Pike so that we all made may find the best approach for dealing with this situation. Do not leave until we have returned." As he took the stairs he had to reorder his thoughts. He would not give up on her so easily. She'd been angry with him before, but he would not lose her. He'd seen into her heart last night and he was still being held there.

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"Remind me never to get on your bad side." Bones said giving her a pointed look. "I never in all my life thought I'd ever see anyone beat a Vulcan with logic. Brains and beauty too! Where were you when I was looking to get married?" The table all chuckled at this. Bones may be bitter at his ex-wife, but he still loved her.

"Graduating high school." Uhura said feeling her old confidence return. She adored Spock, probably always would. That didn't mean she was going to let him treat her like a revolving door.

"Man, all I gotta say is I'm glad you're in my crew. You just gave that 'talented tongue' phrase a whole new meaning." He gave her his boyish lopsided grin, which earned a smile from her this time. "Oh and before you get any crazy ideas in your head, I'm not releasing you to go join the diplomatic corp." She maybe immune to his flirtation, but allowed her self to be suckered in by his charm. Just this once.

The conference wasn't as horribly boring today. They even actually managed to make in onto their first topic today. It was a Prime Directive matter, that her delegation took side with. A few different nations of Native American's had settled their own planet. They had asked to be left alone. Should they be, or should the Federation trade with them? Should the Federation make regular visits, if so in what capacity? Would crews of visiting star ships be allowed shore leave? If so how much impact would that have on their culture? The question was wide, varied, and as hotly debated as any non-Terran issue that would be brought up in the next few days. It was ultimately decided that the individual nations would be allowed to set their own rules or guidelines for what interaction they were comfortable with. They must however, report to the other nations at their united council meetings held once every cycle.

Between Kirk's charm and Uhura's 'talented tongue' they had been the primary contributors to the debates. To their credit all involved in the discussion felt their side was actually heard and respected. Throughout the day Kirk and Uhura had developed a sort of short hand that would serve them well in the future. She stood just behind his shoulder repeating aloud everything that needed to be translated. Having been in the Xeolinguistics club together and gone Oxford Linguistics competition together she knew what his strengths were, as well as his weaknesses as far as languages went. They were so seamless that the rest of the table was not needed in the discussion of this particular resolution. Bones only had to step in to validate the importance of allowing Federation doctors to routinely check in with the colony. This would allow the colony's medications, medical facilities, and medical personnel to remain up to date.

Dinner discussion was filled with the triumph of the group today. To hear Kirk and Uhura tell the story the whole table had been involved in the day. To hear the rest of the table they knew where their bread had been buttered. No one attempted to get Uhura to tell her what Spock had said to her at lunch. Why he had wanted to her to go with him. Even Kirk as impatient as he was left the subject alone... for awhile. "So do you ever plan on telling us what's going on or are you really waiting for Admiral Pike to get back?"

"I love to hear a beautiful woman has been waiting for me. But you don't have to wait any longer, I'm back. Finally!" Pike pulled up a chair to their table, and promptly ordered himself a Irish Coffee. Chancing a look at Spock, Uhura noticed he looked more than slightly harried, as did Pike. Where ever they had spent their day it had not been fun. "So what did you have to tell me?"

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A/N:

Thanks to Redflowercactus for the name Saval.

Review and you might be asked to contribute too!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. I'm not that cool.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. My focus is on getting the words right, and making them flow. I will do my best, and fix any errors pointed out to me. But I beg your patience with me in this.

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Safety is Relative

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"Ok so let me get this straight. You heard some Vulcan's talking about instigating a homicidal rage in someone or something. When they figured out you'd overheard them they chased you?" At her nod Pike continued. "These are the same two Vulcan's who were talking to me when you all but passed out?" Again she nodded. Pike sat forward placing his elbows on the table bringing his hands together as he let his mind wrap around the information he had just been given.

"Sir, there's something else. They have my personal PADD." This statement brought everyone out of their thoughts with more than a few comments being made under their breath.

"Okay listen up. She goes no where alone. Do I make myself clear? If she so much as sneezes more than one of you better be there to offer her a tissue. Spock, where's your father holding that meeting? We need to talk to your him about those two Vulcans. You don't threaten or intimidate a Star Fleet officer and get away with it. And that's the angle we're gonna take to see if we can find out more about who or what those two are planning to do. As for now I want all of you to get to bed. Cadet Uhura go to your room and pack up, you're moving into Spock's room. Spock you'll be taking over her room. If they try anything I want them met with an unpleasant surprise. Am I understood?" He checked each face for the recognition he saw there. "Kirk this is your crew. Make sure she's taken care of." Pike pushed him self to a standing position slowly. Spock was on his feet staring at Uhura. She was trying not to show how scared she was, Bones knew it, Kirk knew it, Spock could feel it.

Gaila helped her pack so getting her moved took less than an hour. Kirk had offered to let her and Gaila have his room. Being captain of the ship that had saved Earth had it's privileges. His room was slightly larger and had two beds, Uhura declined, but thanked him for his offer. She wanted to be in Spock's room. It smelled of him. His scent was everywhere. The smell of the incense he used for mediation was there. Not to mention that everything had happened so quickly he hadn't actually packed and moved out of the room. As much as she would have loved to have him be with her through the night, his betrothed would not appreciate that. With that thought in mind she packed his things that were still left in the bedroom, and got ready for bed.

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To say his father had been unhappy with him would have been an understatement. Spock had not been there when the meeting had started. When he opened the door to the room the meeting was being held in all eyes turned to him. Only one set were friendly, and there were an older version of his own. Sarek's voice was like a clap of thunder filling the room. "You were told of the hour for this meeting. You were told you were to attend."

"That's my fault Ambassador." Pike said as he stepped around Spock. He walked into the room without waiting for an invitation. "I needed your son to bring me up to date on a incident that occurred last night. One of which he was witness to and you might find interesting. This incident however is not one that I wish to become public knowledge as of yet, as it will be detrimental to your race." Sarek raised an eyebrow and invited Pike to sit down to Sarek's right. Pike took the lead in the conversation. Spock was content to let him. His voice would not carry much weight in this room. Despite the fact that his father's could have the occupants of the room out moving mountains at a moments notice.

The longer Pike spoke the straighter and tighter Sarek's countenance became. He was furious. He had worked so hard to secure Vulcan's peace treaties, and keep them intact, he did not want to lose them to two half mad Vulcan's. "This is a private matter," he heard one of those seated at the council table say. Sithal, Sarek knew without having to look. He was young, and had not yet learned to allow logic to temper his thoughts, especially before speaking them. "We do not need the Federations help in handling our own."

Sarek wanted to roll his eyes as he'd seen Amanda do to him so many times when she was exasperated with him. She'd explained the emotion behind her action. He'd never fully understood it until he'd been forced to spend so much time with Sithal. Now he understood what his wife had never been able to fully articulate. He was developing a whole new appreciation for the love of his life, and she was no longer available for him to express it. Fighting the sigh that threatened to escape him, another trait he'd picked up from his beloved, he turned a hard look to the upstart.

"Fortunately that is not your decision to make Sithal. It is the duty of the diplomatic corp to present the facts as they are known to the Vulcan High Command who will decide how best to proceed. Since you are not on the diplomatic corp, or the High Council, your opinion is not needed. Mine however is. Since I am an Elder, a diplomate, and now a member of said council I would like to ask Admiral Pike to join me when all these facts are brought to the Council floor." Sarek's tone was not as harsh as the emotions raging inside him were, but it reminded all present who was in charge.

Sarek ended the meeting quickly telling everyone they would reconvene tomorrow. He also sent T'sava, his top aid to bring the members of the council to the meeting room in his suite tonight. Pike asked Spock to see if they had any 'real' coffee in this place, which meant he wanted it double the strength of regular coffee. Spock had been with Pike long enough to know his nuances like another language. Double strength, real, or cowboy coffee meant Pike was tired but knew he was in for a long night. Spock was also aware that Pike was stiffening, that he was most definitely pushing his body way beyond what he should. Spock also knew better than to say anything. Being the son of the preeminent Vulcan Ambassador, and a Vulcan himself he was well acquainted with pride and all its trappings.

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Hours later Spock finally let himself back into his hotel room. He hadn't had an opportunity to move his belongings to Nyota's former room. He'd immediately followed Pike to find his father. Spock hoped he wouldn't wake her as he slowly made his was into the bedroom. She was sleeping he knew. He could tell by her breathing patterns before he'd entered the room.

He wanted to see her. He would only need 2.83 hours sleep tonight, so it was not imperative that he get to sleep immediately. He would be content just to watch her sleeping for awhile. He wanted desperately to reach out and touch her. Touching her even in the slightest would do so much for him. He could join her in her dreams, if he chose to allow his conscienceness to slip into her mind. He could bring her into his dreams. Together they learned they could control them and making their combined dreams a fantasy. He was always so much more rested if the entire night were spent in her company, dreams included or not. Just to be near her was restful for his tumultuous soul. She had become an addiction for him. One he did not want to break, escape or be free of. Ever.

"Spock?" Her voice was barely audible, and breathy. He noted this was the second time since their relationship had ended she'd called out for him in her sleep. Could she feel he was near? Did she share a connection to him he was unaware of? If so would this not be a further indication that she were truly his soul's mate? Spock could not resist. He lay down on top of the covers and reached for her hand. She however reached over and fisted her hand in his shirt, giving it a slight tug indicating she wanted him closer. He obliged. "Mmmm missed you." She purred in her sleep.

"I am here Nyota, I will remain if you wish it." Her reaction to his words was to pull on him a little more. "Sleep my beauty I am here. I shall remain as long as is prudent." She nuzzled her head against his shoulder, as she settled down into a deep sleep.

Spock lost himself in the feeling of her next to him. He let his thoughts drift back to the meeting with his father and situation they found themselves in. What would be done after the Vulcan delegation was searched to find the two rouge Vulcan's. While Spock's thoughts were going through all the possibilities discussed at the meeting vague images began crossing at the back of his mind. Thoughts of Dr. McCoy, Kirk, and a room that was not one he had seen before, but that was distinctly male. He let his conscience mind fall into these thoughts. She was being held by arms that were not his. She was taking comfort in those arms. Her mind was warm and fuzzy here. 'Safe from the pain' came wafting through his mind as if spoken by a ghost. The scene changed, now there was a voice calling out to her. Calling her out the fuzziness that enveloped her mind. He watched as her thoughts cleared to find the voice belonging to Dr. McCoy. She was waking up in his room.

This jarred him back into himself. Jealousy was not an emotion he was used to feeling. He did not like effects it had on him. He wanted to kick open the door to the good doctor's room and wring his neck. He wanted to shake Nyota awake and reminder her in every way possible of who she belonged to and with. He wanted to drag T'Pring out of her bed and make her acknowledge him long enough to end their bond. He wanted to meld with Nyota, and plant the suggestion that she should never go so far as to look at another male in anything the closely resembled the way she should look at him. That if she needed anything at all, be it love, or comfort, or any other emotional need she should only look at and come to him!

Uhura moaned in fright as the torrent of emotions that were raging through Spock began to reach her. He forcibly calmed himself. He did not want her to wake. She had looked so tired earlier today. She had not eaten well when he'd seen her either. He may have to suggest that a meal he knew to be one of her favorites be served in order to entice her to eat more. It was obvious the good doctor was not following through with his Hippocratic oath where she was concerned. He would have to speak to the good doctor, and while he was at it he'd have to see if he could ferret out some of the details of the images he'd gotten from her. Spock would not idly sit by and watch as someone so wholly undeserving tried to steal her away from him. He would force T'Pring to acknowledge him tomorrow if he had to throw her against a wall to accomplish it.

Spock's grumble from the back of his throat at the though of extracting a little vengeance for all the belittling she'd done to him over the years since their bond had been formed. The movement, and sound Spock made as he attempted to exit the bed woke Uhura . She looked around a moment trying to get her bearing when her eyes settled on him she almost relaxed. "I thought you and I were supposed to trade rooms. Where we not?" Spock's eyes traveled from her lips to her eyes and back again before he was able to stop himself for kissing her senseless to remove any and all thoughts of Dr. McCoy from her mind. "Commander, if I have made a mistake I will leave immediately." Spock shook his head once, his eyes never leaving her lips. "Ok then. Uh. Then if I may ask why are you here, in the bedroom? I moved all you things to the sitting room so you could just grab them and go. I thought you'd be tired after all you'd been through today." Again Spock shook his head. His breath caught as she licked her lips. He was sure it was out of nervousness, but it made the urge to kiss her grow exponentially. "You know you really shouldn't be in here. I'm sure you fiance, bond-mate, intended, or whatever will not be very happy to know you're in another woman's bed chamber." That brought all thoughts of kiss her to a screeching halt. She was correct, but not for the reasons she thought. Being her in her bedroom would constitute a violation of their bond. It would give T'Pring any rights to any claims she may make on his family. And seeing how most Vulcan's were without so much there was no doubt in his mind she would invoke what ever ancient, archaic right she saw fight to get what she wanted. Not to mention he wanted to keep Nyota as far away controversy as possible. She deserved better than the shame that would be heaped upon them both if he were the one found at fault for the split.

"You are correct. I shall leave. Sleep well my beauty." He said as his hand grazed her cheek. "If it is not to unpleasant may I make a request?" She nodded, her eyes locked on his trying hard, despite the darkness, to read any emotion she might find in them. "Dream of me. As I shall most certainly dream of you." His eyes again fell to her lips. Before he dropped his hand from her face he slowly pulled his thumb across those lips he longed so very much to kiss. Standing quickly he left her while he was still able to do so.

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Hearing the door lock back into place Uhura quickly walked to it. She raised her hand and placed it again the cool surface of one of the many obstacles between them. "I will most certainly dream of you. It is the only place I can still hold you. And the only place where I can still call you mine." Tears were burning her eyes again. She fought them valiantly but lost to them in the end. "I love you k'diwa."

If she had been able to see the other side of the door she would have seen Spock in a similar position. His hand outstretched on the door, head lowered as her emotions rushed over him. Sad, lonely, lost love. 'Not so lost as you might think, my beauty. Have faith. Give me time. I will make this as it should be once again. I swear.'

With that oath burning through him he turned and headed towards what was once her room. He thought of laying in the bed she had lain in. Smelling her on the sheets, and in the room. He wondered if her perfume still lingered. He'd given her the particular scent she was wearing now. She'd told him to give your lover cologne was bad luck. That it would mean the end of the relationship. At the time he'd scoffed at her, now....

Spock entered the key code for Uhura's old hotel room quickly. Opening the door he called for lights before has his foot crossed the threshold of the room. He was not expecting to see what was there. His heart's rate accelerated to twice it's normal speed. The room had been ransacked. There on the mirror scratched in Romulan were words. His mind translated them easily. He'd been the one to teach her the dialects after all.

Safety is but an illusion. We know who you are. We will not be stopped.

A/N:

Forgive me for this chapter being short. I felt like that was a good place to stop. Reviews will inspire me to get the next chapter out quicker!

I need to thank ChrissyCC23, and Redflowercactus for the Vulcan names they've given me! The names are great and so are you guys! I need to thank QTFics again for being an inspiration to not stop writing this.

Please review! It will motivate me to get the next chapter out quicker.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. I beg your patience with me in this.

I want to apologize for this chapter taking so long to get to you. My other half is deployed, he was recently home on a mid-tour break. We went to Walt Disney World for a week, it was great fun, and hotter than hades there! Despite it being OCTOBER! Now he's gone back and I've not had a whole lot of urge to do anything. Sorry. I hope to be back to regular updates soon.

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White hot rage.

Agonizingly stifling fear.

A small part of his mind was amazed that those two emotions could coincide so closely. He was murderously angry that they had dared to violate her room. That they had threatened her. Had she been here he may have lost her, forever. His body began to tremble. They now made it no secret they intended to do her harm. His thoughts became a tumult of what might have happened to her, to his beloved. He felt his legs weaken at the thought that she could have very well been no more if had they come to this room and found her here. His race still held their violent tendency, greatly suppressed by logic, but they were still there just under the surface threatening to rip free and destroy those who dared to bring her harm. The violent images his mind supplied of what he would do to them once he found them were all too comforting.

His mind screeched to a halt. He must not allow it to go down that path. He had to think clearly, if she had been in her room what would have become of her. Judging from the looks of the damage inflicted on her room, and the ominous message left behind... She could not die. He could not lose her too. She must be protected. He had to make sure that no harm came to her. He could not be the one to protect. Not yet. Not until he released T'Pring, and she was doing everything with her power to block or avoid him. Thoughts of kicking open the door to her room and forcing the confrontation by flipping over the bed flashed through his mind.

Spock heard a door shut in the hallway. His mind rushed to Nyota. Had they found her? Was she in danger? His mind all too readily supplied visions of her suffering at their hands. Enraged beyond recognition, he all but ripped the door from its hinges in an effort to exit the room. In the dimmed hallway he saw two heads close together and heard whispers. A package was being passed from one to the other. Wrapping his hand around the throat of the taller one in the hallway Spock shoved him hard against the wall putting all his weight and force into the action. His mind was whirling with thoughts of what might have happened to Nyota had she been in her own room.

He felt like his body was trapped in a nightmare. He'd had dreams similar to this as a child where he could not fight hard enough, could not move quick enough, could not punch hard enough. He fought to make his body match his will. Why was he getting the feeling in the back of his mind that this was wrong. What could be wrong about squeezing the life out of the creatures who were plotting to do her harm. He had lost so much already to lose her would be to lose himself. He may have twice her life span but Spock was sure that if he were to lose her he would grieve himself to death, or wait for the next madness to take him to her on devil's wings.

Noises were slowly starting to filter into this nightmare where his body still would not fight with the same rage that his mind felt. Why was the throat in his hand still intact. He could very easily have snapped it, if only his uncooperative body would respond even a little. He could now hear Pike's voice. Pike was screaming for him to stop. Stop? Why would he stop. Did they not understand? He heard Pike call out for Nyota. Telling someone to get her, to bring her here. Pike wanted her here? Close to the creatures who sought to harm her? Dr. McCoy was calling for sedatives. From the snippets of the exchanges that reached him it seemed the doctor wanted to sedate him. Why? Why were all these people working against him? Shouldn't he be hearing calls for security, help in detention, or better yet encouragement for choking the life out of this miscreant.

"Spock." Her voice reached his mind through the cacophony. His eyes found her, and watched as she slowly placed her hand on the arm holding the would be attacker to the wall. "It's okay. I'm safe. You're safe. You can let him go. Let him go now." She kept her hand on his arm while sliding her body underneath the arm to stand between him and.... Jim Kirk. He shook his head to clear the images that were never there. Spock squeezed his eyes shut and replayed what he'd seen with a clear mind. He'd seen Jim and Gaila talking in the dimmed hallway. She'd been handing him his uniform jacket, it still laid crumpled on the floor.

"Shh. It's okay. Calm down. Focus on me. Come back to me. I am hear. We are safe. I am with you." She spoke to him in the informal way his family had spoken inside their home. Vulcan mixed with various other languages. It was comforting to hear her speak to him in almost an intimate way. She was pulling him way from Kirk. He focused entirely on her, the sound of her voice, the beat of her heart, the warmth of her hand on him. He allowed the sensations to wrap around him, to hold him as if in a lovers embrace.

He was pulled from encasement of her caring when she came to an abrupt stop. His total and complete focus on her was bring the Vulcan defensive nature in him to a raging boil. She was trembling, her heart rate had increased, her breathing rate had accelerated, her breath was coming in short, sharp pants. She was more frightened now that she had been when she'd faced down those that would do her harm. Spock forced his conscienceness back to the forefront of his mind. He found they had moved from the hallway to her original room.

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Hearing Uhura scream Kirk forced his body into action. He'd promised himself never to be on the receiving end of an attack from what he hoped would be his science officer again. He didn't even know what he'd done to provoke this one, but the ways his lungs still burned for oxygen made him reaffirm his promise to himself, with a healthy 'and I mean it this time' tacked on at the end. When he finally stumbled into the hotel room he could not wrap his head around what he was seeing. The room was completely decimated.

Bones pushed Kirk's chin up to run a medical tricorder around his neck. "Nothing's broken. You'll live. You might wanna stop getting the hell beat out of you though. I'm a doctor not a seamstress. I can't keep patching you up... Good God what the hell happened here!" Bones, ever the articulate one said exactly what was on everyone's mind. "What the hell did you do!" Spock didn't move from his position of sheltering Nyota from the wreckage of her former room. He could here Bones and Kirk arguing behind him, their were other voices too, Gaila, Sulu, Chekov, Scot. They were registering in another part of his mind to be dealt with later, along with Pike's .

"You are going to explain all this to me after you've taken care of her, right? Wake me up if you have to. And I'm sure I don't have to tell you, _any_ of you", Pike said gaining the attention of all present, "she is to be protected from...this." 'Them' was what he meant, and all who'd heard him knew it. "Let's go see if the security cameras picked up anything Kirk. McCoy, I want to see if you can find something to help her sleep after all this. Sulu, Scott,I want you two to figure out how the hell they did all this without anyone hearing anything. Chekov, look at their message and see what you can gather from it. If they left a finger print, I want to know. And I want to know all this before Star Fleet Security gets here. This is a crew matter until we're told otherwise. You're the team that saved the planet show me how good you are."

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When Uhura had screamed he'd turned her body into his and hidden her from the sight that had been her room. He'd wrapped one arm around her to help hold her trembling body up. When he felt her mind try to slip into shock he moved her so that her head rested over his heart and wrapped her tightly in his arms. Warmth could stave off shock in humans, but he wanted to reach her mind. That would be the easiest way to keep her from going into shock, unless she were to drag him down with her.

"Taluhk, calm. Peace. You are safe. I am with you. None shall harm you while I am here. And I shall never leave you." He repeated those words or variations there of until he felt her try to calm herself. Her mind would race with questions then slam into silence with the reality of the situation. Spock knew she was catching snippets of conversations going on around them, especially when Pike ordered Chekov to analyze the handwriting. As she pulled away he placed his hands on either side of her face. She knew he wanted her to keep her gaze only on him. He was protecting her still. She felt such love and kindness towards him for this. She knew when it had crossed their bond to reach him as his eyes softened on her. His stare became less tense and more intense.

"I can do this. I'm better at languages than Chekov, I'm better at languages than anyone here, including you." Uhura tried to sound confident, at this point she'd happy if she sounded cocky even. She just didn't want her voice to sound as scared and helpless as she felt. He gaze did not let up, so she switched to their language. She started off in Vulcan, "I can do this. I need to do this. Please let me."

He answered her in kind, but he started in Swahili, "I was ordered to take care of you. Please, Ashaya, allow me to do that. I feel lost and am in need of you. My mind is as a tempest. Being near you, with you is a respite for the cacophony I fear I may not be able to bear much longer."

She could feel his wavering through their bond. He was like child that had woken up a night terror, and was still afraid of the monster still lurking at the back of his mind. She didn't want to be in the room as much as he didn't want to be alone. His eyes open to her now as they rarely ever were. He was looking back and forth from her eyes, his begging her to see the truth of his request that he could not voice. 'I need you, please. Please.' Hearing his voice in her head with such a rawness to it she had not choice but to nod her acquiescences.

"What has happened here." It was not a question but a statement Sarek's voice left no room for misinterpretation. He would be answered, quickly. Spock's posture went ridged. Uhura watched as his eyes closed off from her again as his hands slowly fell away from her face. She watched as Spock stepped back from her regret written all over his face for an instant before he spun to face his father, and his expression went blank.

When Spock's body was clear from her line of sight not only did she see Sarek, but the woman Spock had been speaking with earlier. The woman whose hand he'd touched in such an intimate way. The woman now who was giving him a scathing look. Uhura chided herself for falling back on the belief that what had been between she and Spock was still there. It was not, and the look her replacement was giving them proved it. She her attention back to those present in the room. Uhura knew she should stay here and help, but all she wanted to do was leave. She wanted to get as far away from her, from him, from them. Pike was speaking with Sarek, Kirk he would grant her request. "Captain." she used her tone to let him know this request could not be denied. "Permission to be excused." Kirk had barely cut his eyes back to her before she started to leave.

Pike and the Vulcans still stood in the doorway when she reached it. "Excuse me, Admiral, Ambassador. I find I have a horrendous migraine coming on and must lay down." She used her best 'poor defenseless girl' voice to make them move a little quicker. It worked, she was safe. Or at least she thought she was until she heard Pike asking Spock if he'd planned on disobeying a direct order, since he'd been ordered to take care of her. She heard Spock's footsteps fall in behind hers at the same moment she heard Pike saying to made sure she slept.

"Are you going into her room? Will you be alone with her while you are bonded to me? I always knew your Vulcan blood was thin. That our ways meant very little to you. Now I have proof."

'Is was amazing how such a complex language as Vulcan could sound like a sonnet from one set of lips, but from another like a dying crow's caw.' Were the thoughts that crossed Uhura's mind even though her feet barely missed a beat in her steps. She wanted to close the door and shut out all this agony. She wanted this day to join the list of ones she was waiting to wake up from. No what Uhura really wanted to do was turn around and smack that contemptible tone right out of her mouth. Spock deserved better than that, but if that was what he wanted she would let him deal with her.

Spock did not just miss a beat, he ground to a halt. That was it. She'd done it. Now here she was, in public, making derogatory comments about her intended bond mate. Turning to face her his eyes did not hide the fury that boiled just blow the surface in his very green Vulcan blood. His mind provided him images of ways to show her the exact color of his blood. None of which he would act on, but the thoughts were humorous in ways they should not have been. He stalked closer to where the small congregation still stood outside the destroyed room. Spock stopped slightly ahead of his father in a position that would force her hand. "T'Pring attend." Holding his fingers extended towards her their shaking was evident to any who would look. He was going to tell her. He had his out now. She had slandered him, his family in front of others. He could release her now and owe her nothing. She was in the wrong and there were witnesses.

"Spock. Did I or did I not give you a direct order to keep her safe?" Everyone knew Pike wasn't really asking a question.

"Yes Spock, go be a lap dog of the humans." T'Pring kept her voice low.

Spock snapped. He actually growled as he stepped even farther into T'Pring's personal space. "You have over stepped your bounds. You have spoken against your intended family. You have done so in the presence of witness. In doing so you have...."

"Commander, You..." Pike stepped from the room into the hall followed closely by his father. Neither of which looked happy. Taking in the posture of his former first officer and trusted friend. He wondered what he'd what was going on. He noticed that Spock look more angry than he'd ever seen him. And as Pike well knew and angry Spock was not good for anyone, "are the strongest person on her crew, her commanding officer, you agreed to help keep her safe. Tell me, exactly how are you going to do that if you're here, and she's down there." He changed his tone slightly hoping to reach his former first officer.

What Pike said to him did register in the back of his mind. He heard every word. And he would do what Pike had ordered him to do. Gladly. He would go to Nyota and watch over her. He would make sure she was safe, careful, protected. But the thoughts that occupied the forefront of his mind were the ones that were keeping his feet from moving, because he knew that if he made any movement at all right now it would be to kill her.

'I know who she is to you. I know. I know that you feel for her as you should feel for me. I know that she is who you would chose to be your bond mate, if your bond was broken. I know all of this. I can read what is written in your heart as easily as I can read the emotions that cross your face. But I will not release you. I will not give you the opportunity to release me. I deserve something for all the time I have been bound to you. Someone who would have no place in our society were it not for his father. You who is less than I deserve. You who is nothing more than a science experiment. You should never been allowed to exist. You are a blot on a great race, and you do not deserve the right to call yourself Vulcan. So for all my suffering I will hold you to me until you make an error, then I shall claim what I have earned, and then and only then I shall be free. I only regret that in doing so I shall place a black mark on your father's house. Not that he didn't do that himself when he married your mother.'

Spock pulled his fingers from hers as the last sentence crossed into his mind. He blinked. He felt her words reverberating throughout his mind. It was all that was running through his mind. He felt like he was 11 all over again. Expunged, science experiment, black mark on his father's house. Would he never be good enough. He was falling apart. He could hear her satisfied exhalation. Spock knew if he looked up into her face he'd see a triumphant look in her eyes. So he forced his emotional barriers back in the place, it took him a moment longer than he wished to pick up all the shattered pieces. He found that when they were firmly back in place a new emotion was close to the surface. Rage. His id was suppling various violent and permanent ways he could be free of her. He baser self was trying to supply him with links from T'Pring to those that would harm Nyota, even though he knew it was not true. She was cruel, but she had no reason to wish Nyota harm.

"Commander. If you unable to perform the duty which I have assigned you..." Pike was getting aggravated with his lack of response. He didn't know what was going on between Spock and the female, but he knew Spock. He knew that Nyota was the key to getting or keeping Spock from losing it like he had earlier in the hallway. He knew there was more going on than he knew about, but right now he had priorities and those included keeping the cadets under his care safe.

"No. Admiral it is highly inappropriate for me to stay in the room of an unbonded female, especially while my own future bond mate is here." Spock said. They may call him may names but they could never accuse him of inappropriate behavior.

"Well I'm sure she wouldn't mind giving you up for just one night would you, Ma'am?" Pike said turning on his charm. "I mean you're just doing guard duty. It's not like anything is going to happen." Pike had used this charm to get exactly what he wanted on more than one occasion.

"I care not." T'Pring said turning and leaving for her own room.

"There now see, or shall I find someone else...."

"No, Admiral, I am quiet capable. T'Pring has given me leave to do so, so I shall take my leave of you now. Goodnight Father, T'Pring." He nodded to each in turn, then turned and strode down the hall. He was happy to find that Nyota had not closed the door completely.

Stepping into the room Spock paused behind the closed door letting his eyes adjust to the darkness in the room. "Nyota, I..." He began not really sure what he should say. What words were good enough for the women who meant everything to you. A woman you were becoming a constant source of pain for? What words would adequately convey the tumult of emotions running through his mind? As the son of Vulcan's preeminent ambassador, as well as a linguists turned teacher words and all their possible meanings and those uses were something he grew up with intimate knowledge of. Knowledge that was failing him now. How to convey to her all that was needed. How to tell her all that he needed her to understand. "...if you are not too.." No that was not it. "I would like..."

"You would like... I... I... I... Is that all you can think about? You? How about you use that huge Vulcan brain, and all your damn logic and look at it from my point of view! I hate this. I hate that I walked down those damn stairs to find my stupid lost PADD. And that my life is now in danger. The absolute best part is I don't even know why! I hate that I'm stuck here like some helpless little girl. I hate that I can't help and I'm the one their after. I hate that their after me. I hate that... " Nyota didn't moved from the chair she'd pulled next to the picture window overlooking the Hudson River. He noticed she was wrapped in a blanket. Her hair was down. He noticed she had glistening lines down her cheeks where she'd been crying before her anger took over. "I hate that your damn bond mate is here. I hate that you can't keep from throwing her in my face. I hate that I've still got another week and a half of putting up with this. I hate that for the next 5 years I'm going to be assigned to the same ship as you. I hate that she speaks to you the way she does..." Spock had never been so thankful for anything in his life as he was for his superior hearing. In the next moment the words that came from her lips where barely a whisper, but to him they sounded as if they had been spoken by angels. "I hate that it's not me."

"I apologize for not thinking of how this might affect you." He crossed the darkened room to stand behind her. "I have been an unmitigated fool. I have kept things from you that would spend my entire lifetime making up to you if you'll but allow me." He slowly ran his long fingers through her longer hair. "I have a request to ask of you even though I know I have no right to ask anything of you." He paused his strokes when she took one of his hands in hers and pulled him to her. He moved quickly from his standing position behind her to a kneeling position in front of her.

"Ask of me my beloved, for I could never deny you." The words she spoke were in the language of his birth. He knew that by many it was not considered to be a beautiful language when spoken but from her it was like a work of art. To see her mouth form the words, her singers voice bring them to life, it nearly took his breath from him so much so that his next words were but a whisper.

"Please my love, my beloved, I beg that you give me the benefit of the doubt, all is not what it seems. My feelings for you have not changed. You do not have all the facts to make an informed decision. Please Nyota, my constant, my star, do not turn from me just yet. Have just a little trust in me, if you have ever trusted in me, and know that I have not turned from you. I would stay by your side for all of your days, and would beg to be so lucky as it have you by mine. I beg patience, trust, faith, for just a moment more. I will make this all right."

The tears had found the tracks left by their predecessors. He hated it when she cried. Slowly he wrapped his arms around her waist. He placed his head in her lap and continued. "I find my life bleak and empty without you in it. I do not wish to do even the simplest of tasks. I find that without you I have no wish to face the days ahead." Spock stopped speaking when she leaned over him. He could feel her tears falling into his shirt.

"Take all the time you need, ashaya. Just please remember that my heart does not beat so well when it's broken."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A/N: kissmekent (love the pen name btw!) pointed out to me that I once again didn't pass along pertinent information for you guys. Sorry about that. Tell me if I do this, and I'll fix it. I do this in conversation too, my poor husband had to figure out once that I was asking about Hannibal who crossed the Alps on elephant by me saying "Who was the guy with the elephants?" Anyway I digress...

West Point is not in NYC. My mother-in-law lives across the Hudson River from West Point. It's a 50 minute train ride from the station near her house into Grand Central station. I am going with the premise that by this time frame 'the city' (as New Yorkers call it) will have expanded to encompass West Point. I hope that gives you guys a mental reference as to where it is.

Also I didn't explain my 'ST:TNG "Sarek"' reference either. I was trying to explain that with some Vulcan's touch is not necessary for telepathy. Spock also did this non-touch telepathy but it was in the animated series, but I've read those aren't considered canon with the exception of Yesteryear. I bought them for my son, gotta get him started on the good stuff early!

Again, I'm sorry for leaving out these details. I also have to apologize that there will be a delay in getting the next chapter out to you guys. I am going to Disney for a week, so I won't have a whole lot of time to write. I will try to get the next chapter out to you guys as quickly as I can.

P.S. I also have to apologize for the delay. My husband was home on a 2 week break from Iraq and we went away for a family vacation. When he left I didn't want to do much of anything.

Please review! It will motivate me to get the next chapter out quicker.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. I'm trying to get better.

* * *

That night easily ranked as one of the most amazing nights Spock had ever had in his life. She still loved him. He had not lost her. She was whole and safe. Most importantly she was with him, on his side again. He was no longer alone in his struggle. He would do whatever was needed, whatever it took to keep her with him. Forcing his hand with T'Pring was paramount. He was loath to connect him self to her again as he would need to break the bond. It was always difficult to hear that he never measured up to Vulcan's standards. Being connected to him in the was that she was T'Pring always knew the exact worst thing to say. Spock's notice of Uhura's concerned gaze caused him to push all these thoughts down with the other demons that tormented his soul. They would be dealt with later, she was here, with him, and he would revel in that.

They talked for hours. It was an easy conversation, they had not talked in this manner since the beginning stages of their friendship. Her mind was one of the first things that had attracted him to her. First they talked of nonsensical things, about the conference, the extremely boring first day when all the ambassadors, representatives, and anyone else with half a title had talked the entire day. Spock shared stories of his father and mothers 'adventures' as ambassadors for the Federation and for Vulcan. One story in particular about a culture that tried to force Sarek's hand at a celebration where women were passed around like drinks. The headman man of the tribe had informed the proud, territorial Vulcan ambassador that that was how treaties were finalized on his planet.

When Uhura had stopped laughing at her mental picture she noticed Spock's confused look. "That created a very funny mental picture in my head. I'm sorry if my laughter was offensive."

"It is not offensive, at least not to me, as I know you do not understand the complex rolls women play in our society. Vulcan's do not exist the way Humans do. We are not meant to be alone. We bond so utterly with our mates that we are never truly alone. There is a romantic concept that comes close to the description, but is not completely accurate. 'Soul mates'. The women belong to the husband, but he in turn holds his mate as a treasure. She is the sanity in his madness. Out of reverence for that he will be everything else to her. Provider, protector, lover, anything and everything she needs." Slowly, so as to gauge her reaction he reached out to her, entwining his fingers with hers. It was a human gesture he'd grown fond of. It reassured him of her presence. She was the haven which he sought in the tempest of his life. Despite T'Pring's or anyone else's attempts when he was with her nothing and no one could reach him.

Taking a breath as the warmth of him invaded her, she turned their conversation towards a more serious topic. "What's going on here. You ask for patience, and trust. You tell me that I don't have all the information I would need to make an informed decision, but you aren't offering any information. I trust you, with everything that I am, I trust you. But can't you give me something? Or is this one of those unspoken, recondite Vulcan rituals?"

"I would tell you, ashayam. I would lay all my soul bare before you. I would share with you all the secrets that I have long held from you. Secrets that I have kept from you because of my trepidation of your reaction. Shall I tell you of a different unspoken Vulcan truth? Being telepathic, the primary population being contact telepaths, we forbidden from touching another. Repeated contact with another will form a bond, one that is not easily broken. Because of my profoundly deep attachment to you, all my life I will be acutely attuned to you. I will feel you within me for my whole life. When you are gone and I remain, it will be as though that part of me has been ripped away, never to be recovered."

She looked sad at that. Was it that she did not like the idea of being linked with him, or was it that she did not like to think of him being without her. Those thoughts were not fond ones for him. The sadness in her eyes kept him talking. "Another hidden Vulcan truth is in our lives we are never to allow our emotions to control us, with good reason. Because our emotions run so deep, are so volatile we must control them, suppress them with all except those to whom we closest, family, bond mates. Being with you in this manner is difficult. Even though we are not bonded, if I were to lose you...." His mind immediately flashed to the thoughts he'd had earlier of what might have happened to her had she been discovered. No, he would not let his mind take him down that path. She was here, she was safe, and she still loved him. He had not lost her.

He stared in her eyes for a moment willing her to understand all that he could not say. Their eyes still held in a lover's gaze before Spock reached slowly out to tuck a wayward strand of hair behind her ear. "You are the canvas on which I project my heart and soul, without you I have been lost." He'd never felt so close to someone as he had to her on this night. As her lips touched his, a single though crossed his mind. It was an amazing feeling to not feel alone in the universe. If this is what it felt like to know she still cared for him, he could only imagine the feeling of completion she would invoke in him if they were to ever become bond mates.

* * *

The next morning Pike called them all down to breakfast early before the conference started for the day. "Good Morning people. I thought we'd get everybody together so we're all on the same page. Crew Resource Management, and all that jazz." Pike stopped and rubbed his face before he continued. "I need some coffee. It's too early to be inspirational. So much for a boring conference were we're figure heads." Pike's last words were spoken to Spock. Being the only official officers who had been part of 'the crew that saved the world' they'd been shown off to any and every person who might in some way be important, and that wasn't counting the press. Pike took a couple of sips before he continued. "Alright so what do we know. There are Vulcan's who for some reason have decided Cadet Uhura has over heard or done something that has really got them 'displeased'. Those same Vulcan's have your personal PADD. And?" Pike said opening the floor for the rest to add to his statements.

Chekov had discovered that their first language was not Vulcan. They wrote the letters of the words in a manner that had suggested the language might be similar. Sulu had looked over all the video surveillance equipment and had not figured out how they got into her room. "And let me guess, no one in the surrounding rooms heard a thing, right?" Came Pike's reply, though it was worded as a question, inflection stated that it definitely was not, and that he already knew the answer. Bones was working on finding a list of things that might cause the races present to go into a homicidal rage, but he'd set the parameters for the query last night, and the computer was still adding to the list this morning. Pike told Scotty to help. "If you can figure out trans-warp beaming then this should be a piece of cake." Pike had said as a way of drawing the meeting to a close. As the engineer set off for the conference Pike called out what was sure to inspire another work of genius. "Mr. Scott, if you and the Dr. McCoy can get a bead on this before tomorrow, I've got a bottle of 18 year old scotch with your name written all over it."

The "Aye Admiral" that followed was a direct indicator of exactly how inspirational Pike had been.

* * *

Uhura saw Spock stiffen before she could gain his attention. Pike's word let her know just why. "Ambassador. Thank you for joining us this morning." Uhura watched as Spock stood with Pike to meet the Ambassador and his party. Uhura saw Spock's gaze settle on the exotic beauty she'd seen him with the other day. It occurred to her that with all of his beautifully poetic revelations last night he'd never told her what exactly was going on. He'd only asked for faith, and trust. Which she'd give him, but it was hard being faced with the woman that was to be your replacement. Uhura saw the undisguised rancor in her eyes as she met Spock's gaze. It almost made her less strikingly beautiful, but not enough. Especially when she could hear the men at the table talk about the beautiful Vulcan after their party left the table for a more secluded location.

"Come on Darlin'. Let's go find ourselves a spot so you can focus on the conference. You don't need to be here." Bones was wonderful. He was going to make someone a very happy lady one day, if he could ever get past his bitterness. When they found their seats Bones pinned her with a hard look. "I don't know what's going on. Or why you have spent the last two nights with a man that damn near made me run an echo on your heart less than a month ago. I do want you to know that I'm hear if you need me. And I know a thing or two about nasty breakups and wanting to live in denial to avoid them. I also want you to know that I trust you, and trust that you know what you're doing, even if it goes against my better judgment as far as the mental welfare of a fellow crew member. But more than anything I want you to know that I reserve the right to say 'I told you so' if you pass out on me again." His last words to her had been accompanied with a wink, but she knew he was serious, and seriously not happy.

"I know Bones, and thanks." She said laying her head over on his shoulder. Feminine wiles usually got him to stop his lectures. He'd even blushed just a little, although she could have sworn she'd heard him mumble something about being a doctor not a couples councilor.

* * *

* * *

Uhura was deeply thankful for the busy itinerary they had today. It kept her from wondering where Spock had been all day. She had not seen him since his father and his entourage had met them at breakfast. Uhura decided to see if she could find Spock on their next break. She felt so connected with him after their night together. She felt open, loved, cherished that she wanted to be in his presence even if just for a moment.

After making a quick visual check of the conference rooms downstairs she turned the corner leading up the stairs to the lobby. In the hallway she saw Spock first two fingers extended, T'Pring was responding in kind. When they dropped their hands she shifted her weight and stepped forward to speak with Spock. He was her commander so she felt she had every right. She realized she had gone unseen by the tow as the words she heard being spoken stopped her cold. Uhura had never Spock's mother tongue sound so harsh. It always sounded like poetry from his lips when spoken to her, or like a warm melodic music when spoken with his mother, and the reverence in his voice when he spoke with his father was hard to miss. She had never, even when spoken by the most proud Vulcan heard the language sound so hate filled, and cruel.

"I see the whispers about you are true. You disgrace to our proud race in the way you bow, scrap at the words of humans. You would have them think our race should be that their beck and call. You have always been weak, and I see now that you always will be weak. I cannot fathom what my father's logic in allowing me to be bound to you. If it were not for your esteemed father, and his family, I'm sure he would have never allowed me to be so disgraced. Would that you were half what your noble father is... Oh wait, you are. Half. That is all you shall ever be, half Vulcan, half a mate, half a male. Never good enough, and as long as I am involved never to be whole. This is the last time you shall see. I have found away to escape this imposed seclusion. I will be returning to New York City. My father and those on the council who do not wish to kowtow to the humans are looking for a way to speed up the process of regaining what we have lost. Your hand played a part in that too I am coming to understand. The detriment you impose upon us never ceases."

Uhura could actually see the anger and the hurt in Spock's eyes. The triumph was impossible to miss in the female's. Especially as she walked pasted Uhura holding her gaze. Vulcan's weren't supposed to be snide. They also weren't supposed to be cruel. If this is what Spock had endured his whole life from them then she had a whole other level of respect for him. After the T'Pring had passed her Uhura's gaze returned to where Spock had stood. His eyes held hers for a breath before he turned and left. Shock held Uhura's feet still, he was hurt, he was embarrassed, he was furious, he was breaking. She felt her heart follow him a moment before her feet set out to follow. She realized she had no idea where he'd gone, until she heard a growl and the sound of something breaking.

She found him in the darkened lounge facing the massive fireplace. The thick mantel that was a solid piece of wood was now warped and had cracks splintered through it. Spock for his part had his hands folded behind his back. His face was placid, his features held their schooled look that he kept in public. The only outward sign he gave that there was anything wrong was the incessant rubbing on one of his hands over the knuckles of the other. Stepping approached him slowly and kept her voice low when she spoke. He was giving a very good impression of a caged wild animal, and she had no intention of poking the lion with a stick.

"Spock?"

"Return to the conference before you are missed."

"I saw what happened. She is evil. If I were you I would have just told her to go to hell. I mean the things she said to you."

"Are nothing. They are nothing new, they are nothing for you to concern yourself about, and most importantly they are nothing for you to deal with. You know nothing of what is going on around you. You have no idea of what my life has been like, or what I have had to endure. So to you all that has occurred is nothing. Go back to the conference before you are missed and speak of this no more."

His face was so angry. She actually took a step back from fear. He stood there staring at her, but not really seeing her. His eyes were too angry, so enraged that he they were unfocused. He was shaking with the bottled up rage that had been invoked with in him. He looked beyond her as if seeing someone over her shoulder. She turned to look, and found that there was no one there. Turning to face him again she was surprised at the raw look in his face. He brought to mind an animal that was trapped and beginning to panic. He was not the calm, controlled commander she was so used to. This man was so clearly breaking under the pressure of all that he had endured. She watched as he raised his fists to his face, it was then she noticed the damage he'd inflicted on himself. His knuckles where green, and swollen. He'd smeared his blood all over his hand in his incessant rubbing. That was her way to reach she decided.

"Ashayam, you are wounded. May I see to your needs?" She spoke to him softly. Using their normal way of speaking to each other. "It pains me to see you thus, please allow me to tend to you." It was working she noticed. He was calming, his breath was slowing. When she finally touched him it was if waking him up. He looked around as if familiarizing himself with his surroundings. She pulled him to the corner of the bar and sat him down. The bar was still closed for the day so it took some effort to find what she needed to clean his hand. She didn't worry over it too much, Vulcan's had such control over their bodies his hand would be healed in a day. She just wanted to touch him and help him calm himself. She could feel the intensity of his gaze on her. It was hard not to look up.

"I find I am becoming increasingly unsettled as of late. Meditation does not help. Sleep has no affect. Your presence is soothing, but I am concerned. I do not wish to harm anyone should this pattern continue." His voice was still not it's normal timbre, and there was a hint of something else in his words.

"Ashayam, it is illogical to concern yourself with something that will never happen." She tried to sound encouraging. Tried to pass along her confidence in him. She hoped that her trust in him would bolster him.

It had the exact opposite effect.

Spock slammed a hand down on the bar, causing the stacks of glasses near them to jump, and some of them to fall to the floor, shattering them. Her reaction was instantaneous. She pulled away from him as it he'd struck her. Seeing fear in her eyes, knowing that he'd been the one to put it there was more than he could handle. Spock returned to his spot by the fireplace, hands behind his back, rubbing his ever abused hand. "I desire privacy. I ask that you respect my wishes and leave." He spoke as evenly as he could, but the tremor that seemed to have taken up residence in his voice was still noticeable.

"Okay." Uhura said slowly. She took her time folding the towel. Slowly emptied the glass she'd been using. She walked in slow measured steps towards the exit, slowing just a beat more as she passed behind him.

He did not turn around.

When she reached the doorway, she paused again. In a voice that would not disturb the silence, but would still reach his ears she said, "To be honest with you, I don't have the words to make you feel better, but I do have the arms to hold you, ears to listen to whatever you want to talk about, and I have a heart; a heart that's aching to be close to you again."


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. I'm trying to get better.

Bones' mouth gets away from me in here. If you'd like me to up the rating because of it just let me know and I will. - Thanks!

* * *

Blood and Tears

Uhura did not think that the second half of her day could get any worse than the first half. Spock had never come back to the conference. Bones knew something had happened between them during break, and lunch had been a social event with everyone wanting to talk to the crew that had saved the world. Which meant she didn't get to eat. Now she was sitting here listening to a lecture on the merits of spice trading by the second most boring person she'd ever met. The person the topped that list had been her Advanced Phonology instructor at the academy. The second year of that class had looked to be just as bad, until Spock had opened his mouth and spoke.

*******************

"Darlin, I know the scenery in here isn't your first choice to look at but we're getting slaughtered here." Uhura shook herself out of her thought and focused on the conference. At least she tried to, until the side doors of their conference room opened admitting that hate filled female she'd seen Spock with earlier. The female looked as worried as any Vulcan was allowed to be in public as she approached. Nyota thought for a moment that she was coming for her, until she knelt to speak with Bones.

"You are familiar with Vulcan physiology and are able to treat them are you not?" When Bones nodded she continued. "Have you access to medical supplies here?" Again Bones nodded. "Come with me, I have need of your services." Uhura gave Bones a worried look, wanting desperately to go with them. T'Pring looked from the doctor to the girl and spoke again, her voice still sounding as harsh as it had earlier, only slightly tinted with a hint of worry. "She is not a doctor, and you are wasting time. Do not make me regret my decision to come to a human for help." Uhura could see Bones' jaw jumps as he literally clenched his teeth to bite back his response. He placed what she was sure was meant to be a reassuring hand on her shoulder as he followed T'Pring.

Kirk shot her a questioning look from the other side of the table where he sat next to Gaila. Uhura shook her head slowly at him. She knew if Spock were the one injured he wouldn't want an audience there to witness it. It must be bad for him to send her. Maybe he'd hurt his hand worse than she'd thought. It hadn't looked broken, then again if he'd had another run in with her then there's no telling what had occurred. That female was going to be surprised that she'd met her match in Bones.

Uhura felt someone kick her under the table. She looked up to find Gaila glaring at her. "Focus!" Yes, she needed to focus on the conference. It would help the rest of the day pass. It would keep her mind busy with facts not suppositions, and she was as competitive as they came.

* * *

By dinner that night she had still not seen Spock. Bones was late coming into dinner and was in a deep discussion with Pike when they arrived. Spock was still not with them. She shot Bones nervous looks all through dinner, but he was intent on the conversation he was having with Pike he never noticed. Uhura had ever intention of cornering Bones after dinner to find out exactly what was going on. Until he and Pike stood to leave at the same time. Still deeply involved in whatever it was they were discussing. Before Pike left the table he stopped and made sure he held everyone's gaze before he spoke. "There have been some ...new developments. I want everyone in on this with everything they've got. You have one hour to finish you dinner, take care of any personal business and be in my suite. Got it? No exceptions!" His last statement came out with such an intensity it was almost a growl.

"Sir...." Bones spoke from behind Pike. He didn't actually touch Pike, but he did reach for him. There was such concern in McCoy's face that Uhura was almost scared. What Pike said next did scare her.

"Cadet Uhura, if your finished here I need you to come with me." She didn't hesitate. She jumped to her feet and at his side in a moment. When they'd made it out of the dining hall Pike started speaking quickly again. "You need to get whatever you'll need for the night. You'll be staying in the other bedroom in my suite." Giving Bones a hard look, he went continued. "Yes, McCoy you can stay too. The couch pulls out I think. Finally get enough rank to earn the suite and I'm still knee deep in cadets."

She would have smiled at this if she weren't so worried. She didn't have to wait long for more of an explanation. As soon as the elevator's door closed Pike was talking again. "I don't know if you've noticed Cadet, but the Vulcan's here are a lot more, shall we say expressive, than normal." Uhura didn't dare speak, so she nodded hoping Pike would continue. "We thought the two you had a run in where renegades, but now it appears that they are all a little out of control. I've contacted some friends within Star Fleet to see if they've noticed anything or if we're an isolated incident. So far I haven't heard anything back. I don't know if you know who T'Pring is?" Uhura shook her head, not wanting to interrupt Pike.

Bones however did. "She's the one who drug me out of the conference earlier today. That sunny disposition of hers made me want to jump right up and run after too. Never heard someone insult you and ask for help all at the same time." She would have laughed if she weren't so very worried at where Pike seemed to be going with his admonition.

"Yes, she's a real piece of work. Anyway, it seems that Spock was dead set of having some discussion with her. She had a different idea." Pike sounded like he was building up to something, and Uhura had to say something at this point the tension was eating at her.

"Yeah, I'll beat she wanted to be the one to do all the talking, malicious witch."

Pike and Bones exchanged looks with each other before looking at her. Is there something you'd like to tell me cadet?" Uhura shook her head no again.

"Anyway," Bones continued before Pike's feathers got anymore ruffled. "She wasn't alone when Spock caught up to her, she was with a another Vulcan from Ambassador Sarek's party, Stonn. There was a fight between Spock and Stonn. At least we think there was because they are both as bloody as two kids who've been in a school yard fight."

Pike started talking again here, "The trouble is neither of them will saying anything about it. Spock won't even respond when ordered. He tells me it's a cultural misunderstand and that if I wish to force the issue he'll invoke his rights for diplomatic immunity as the son of the Vulcan Ambassador."

Uhura jumped in here. "Sir, I don't really understand what I'm doing here? Does Stonn not speak Standard? Do you need my help in questioning him?"

"No Cadet. Doctor McCoy here tells me that he believes you and Commander Spock have a... special relationship. Why don't you explain this part Doctor." Pike looked really uncomfortable. That made Uhura nervous.

"Great. Thanks. Okay Darlin, so you know I was called away to check out Stonn right?" Uhura nodded. "As T'Pring, that's her name by the way, as we were coming back the room where Stonn was a Vulcan healer was coming out of his room with a injection of something. T'Pring questioned him on it. After their healer left, she'd told me there was no healer in their party. We found Stonn well enough, but he kept complaining of a headache, and told me I was breathing too loud. He also told me that I needed to stop my poking and prodding or else he would break my neck."

At the alarmed look on her face Bones stopped walking and put a hand on Uhura's shoulder. "Yeah, it through me for a loop too. So being the kindly southern gentleman that I am I went to check on Spock next. And found that same healer coming out of his room with a small medical kit. He gave the same answer he had earlier when I questioned him on it. But when I decided to push for more information he told me that it would be in my best interest if I left well enough alone. 'Vulcan's shall deal with Vulcan problems' he said to me." Bones gave a wry grin before he went on. "Pointy eared bastards are too damn secretive if you ask me."

Pike jumped in here, "What McCoy is trying to get out is we think that 'healer' was one of the two that were after you." The puzzled look that came over Uhura's features prompted Pike to continue. "The thing is... We aren't sure what exactly was in that shot, but neither Spock or Stonn are acting like you typical Vulcan's right now. Neither will allow McCoy to scan them to see what's going on."

"And both are as cranky as an ol' wet mashed cat. Darlin I can't near Spock he's worse off. He's coming in and out of a rage and we need to know what's going on. I'd give my eye tooth not to send you in there, but … well sweetheart you're our best shot." Bones ran a hand over his face as he exhaled an exasperated sigh. "I need to sedate him so we can get him over to the medical facility here, but he's worse than an bear in the middle of winter."

He was trying to be funny to lighten the situation. Uhura knew that but her mind was reeling with the depth of what they had told her. Spock was poisoned, whatever he'd been injected with was causing his emotional barriers to break down. That would be like a human drowning. Vulcan emotions where so strong, so violent. She didn't know what she could do for him. He'd told her for the last few days he could not be calm... that he was unsettled. "Oh no... I think that who ever those 'Vulcan's' are they are doing something to Spock. He's told me for the last few days he's been unsettled, and he's been...." What should she tell them. That he'd lost it and yelled at her after T'Pring had been horrid to him. That he'd told her he'd be lost with out her. That she was his calm in a tempest. No those were far to personal. "He's been not him self. I wonder if that has something to do with them? You know inciting a 'homicidal rage'? How many Vulcans are in Ambassador Sarek's party? Enough that if they were the target we'd be between a rock an a hard place if they were to target?"

A panic look passed between Pike and Bones. Was she really that close? Pike was the one that spoke first. "We need to get you to Spock. All this theory is no good without facts to back it up."

Their steps were much quicker than they had been before the revelation. From the hallway outside Spock's room they could hear the sounds of things breaking in the room. Something banged against the door. Hard. The things Spock was screaming made her blood run cold. He was promising in very explicit detail to bring pain to those who were holding him. He was swearing that he would find them. That once he was released he would not stop until their entire line was wiped from the planet. "Good think you two aren't linguist."

"Darlin, I may just be an ol' country doctor, but I know he ain't happy." Bones had the look like he was about to argue when she reached placed a reassuring hand on one of her best friends and lied.

"He's calling out for me. He thinks he's being kept from me. Don't worry Bones. He would never hurt me. Just give me the hypospray, and make sure you don't under dose it. He's a lot stronger than he looks." She swallowed her nerves and put on her best sweet smile at the incredulous look Bones was giving her.

"I was on the bridge for that too you know. And he doesn't sound like he's calling for his girlfriend. Sounds to me more like he's calling for blood." Another crash into the door causing them both to jump.

Pike placed his hand on the crack that was forming in the door. "I hate to cut this short, but this door won't hold for much longer. And Spock's not really in the best shape to be out in public."

Nodding at the admiral, she took the hypospray from Bones and stepped up to the door. Closing her eyes she rested her forehead against the old wood. Uhura focused her thoughts on him. In her mind's eye she saw his face in more loving times. She hoped this worked. She forced calm into her voice, and spoke to him with a tone that a lover would. "Ashayam. Half my heart. Half my soul. All that I am. I am here for you." She began to push the door open as Pike and McCoy stepped out of what would be the line of sight.

****************

Slowly she pushed open the door forcing the furniture that had been thrown against it out of the way. The whole while she kept her eyes down. Growing up with a mother and father whose line of work was Zoological Preservation was coming in handy right about now. Don't look an aggressive animal in the eyes it's a challenge. Move slowly, was another good thing to remember. Uhura stepped deeper into the darkened room. She peaked around to see if she could find him, and heard him growl at her. Keeping her movements slow she sank to her knees and sat on her heels. Nyota extended her first two fingers. Using his mother tongue she spoke, "I am here my ashayam. I have not been kept from you. I came to you as soon as I was able. Forgive me if I was taking too long, there was an unforeseeable...." Hearing his foot steps she fell silent.

He'd stepped from the darkness to stand in front of her. Nyota held her body still in the same position. He circled her. His steps were slow and measured, like a predator stalking it's prey. It was a hard fight the urge to break for the door.

"You have not come alone."

"No, I was escorted to you beloved. Much has happened today. I did not wish to be unsafe as I came to you." His growl let her know she'd misspoke the instant before his hands closed around her arm yanking her to her feet.

"You too feel like I am not able to fulfill my role as male!" He was so angry. She was so scared. She could hear Bones and Pike at the door. There were asking if she was okay. Bones wanted to come in and just stun him. Pike was having to remind him that a phaser stun even on its highest settings only last for a few minutes on a Vulcan, not to mention one as out of control as Spock was at the moment. The goal was to get him to the medical facilities. And the only chance they had was her. 'No pressure Nyota. Figure this out or they're going to try more drastic measures.' she was saying to herself before Spock shook her to bring her attention back to him.

"No beloved. You are my protector, my confidant, my lover, my heart, and my soul. All that I need you provide. I have no need for anything else." She felt his arm snake around her body in one quick movement, Spock's forearm fell against her spine forcing her tightly to him, as his hand found her ponytail and pulled her hair until she was looking up into his enraged face. His other hand ripped the hypospray from her hand and raised it to eye level.

"Then explain to me, ashalik, why you have brought drugs along with men. You wish to do me harm." Spock's tone was hard and snide. He gave her head another hard jerk as he spoke. "It will not work." Spock said shattering the hypospray in his hand. The same hand Nyota noticed that he'd cracked the fireplace mantel with earlier today.

Switching to Standard she spoke out so that her voice would carry to where the others stood. "Bones you have to leave. He knows your here, and you're not helping. Please trust me, you have to move away." Switching back to the amalgamate of languages they used she spoke softly to him again. "See, my love, I am here with you. For you. Only you. I have no wish to be anywhere else. You have need of me. I am here. Let me be whatever it is you need."

"I need nothing from you. Just as you need nothing from me. We both know what I am. Unworthy." Spock said shoving her from him. His words laced with the hate and hurt.

Nyota moved slowly to the bar in the room. She took one of the towels and wet it, and brought the second dry one over with her. Slowly again she knelt before him. His eyes had never left her. She had never seen him so full of emotion. She reached out slowly taking his wounded hand and began wiping it to clear the blood away. Periodically she would stop and place a kiss on the gashed and torn flesh. She could feel his mood shifting away from rage and anger, to emptiness and anguish. When she felt all the anger seep from him she wrapped his hand in the dry towel. Turning him she had lay on his side on the bed. She pulled the blanket from the other bed and covering them both lay down facing him. Nyota brought her forehead to his and met his eyes. They lay there breathing in each others breath. She did not speak of the tears in his eyes as she wiped them away. He did not speak. After a while she spoke to him as they had done many times when they wanted to keep others from their conversations in a blend of languages, "I am attracted to you and love you, because your soul spoke to me through your eyes, even when you didn't know it. It's the part of you, that you hold so secret, that make me what to hold you within my heart and shelter you there. To me it is your so called imperfections that make you beautiful so very beautiful to me, my ashayam."

As she kissed him she felt his tears start to fall again.

* * *

Reviews are the fire that feeds my muse. May I have some please?

I owe the quickness of this chapter to my nudger. You know who you are – thank you!


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. I'm trying to get better.

(3) I confused "gerriv" by my jumping ahead in time without a good explanation that I had done so. I hope this fixes the confusion I caused you. If I've confused anyone else let me know, and I'll try to fix it. Thanks!

* * *

They lay there silently sharing breath. He was so warm. The nearness of him was so comforting. She had missed this closeness. She was falling into the comforting numbness of sleep despite his eyes roving over her face. His words brought her back to conscienceness. "I am disturbed, Nyota. I am losing myself. I fear they have been right. That this experiment has gone awry. I know that something amiss but..."

"Spock, ashaya, I would like you to look within yourself, and tell me above anything else, do you trust me? I need to know that if you lost yourself, you would know me." Nyota focused on keeping her voice soft and loving. The blackness that had consumed him was still there, lingering around the edges of his mind. Together they were managing to keep it at bay, but just. She was so scared she would lose him to it again.

"If all the world feel into madness I would know you, ashalik. I would bond my mind to yours for all my life Nyota. I would have already done so were such a thing possible. Now... Among other things, I can not risk dragging you into this abyss with me." Spock looked so empty as spoke to her.

She may have just found her way to help him. "You would bond yourself to me?" Closing his eyes to hide his sadness Spock could only nod. T'Pring was here. He could have been free of her. He could have been with the one who had saved him from his darkest time. He could never tell her she was the reason he did not break on the Enterprise. Keeping her safe was the reason he'd turned the Jellyfish onto it's suicide run at the _Narada_. She was his reason for fighting so hard, for not letting his mind slip into the shock of the tragedy that had engulfed him. She was his reason he still fought for breath.

"It's T'Pring isn't it?" Nyota didn't know exactly which thing the 'it' in that statement meant but his nod let her know he'd understood. "I know it's not the same, but I can feel you. Here." She said moving his hand to her rest over her heart. "And here too. At least a little I think." She said moving his other hand to rest on her temple pillowing her head. "I'd like to think that is something, not just my imagination. I'd like to think I know you well enough to be what you need from me. I want to be all of those wonderful, beautiful, poetic things you've said to me. I just feel as if you won't let me. Like you're blocking me."

The small light of hope that shown when he opened his eyes gave light to Nyota hope that he was not lost to her. "Human women are to a degree empathic. Some more than others. Mother's are to their children especially. My mother learned to connect with my father. I... If we had.... Nyota, I...." Spock's words faded away along with the light in his eyes.

She watched him struggle knowing that his lucidity may only be for a moment. Poisons where tricky things, especially if you didn't know what you were working against. Vulcan's had been violent, homicidal, and paranoid in their past. They still had those volatile emotions raging deep within themselves. Discipline was all that held them in check. It was a good thing too. They were on average three times stronger than humans and had double the life span. She didn't want to do anything to provoke that from him. Seeing him struggle for coherence was hard. He was so brilliant, even for a Vulcan, Spock was amazing.

"If you would bond yourself to me then I must care for you, as you would have to care for me." Nyota held the hand over her heart tighter. "You said that was Vulcan's way wasn't it? That I am your shelter when you need it and out of respect for the roll females play the male then becomes everything for his mate, yes?"

She placed her hands on either side of his face and listened hard. She forced her mind around the walls he'd placed between them, instantly she had a feeling of listening to a subspace transmission that was out of range. Static, muddy, broken, with an ominous touch of darkness. Tumultuous would have been and understatement. "Spock," she called and watched his eyes clear as he focused on her. 'Keep your focus on me. Look deeply, ashaya and see that you are not alone. I will never leave you alone. Your presence in my life has given a new meaning to my soul. I need you to trust in me. In what we would share, if things were not as they are." She avoided bring up those things, or rather person, directly just skirting around the issues was bring his anger to the surface again. 'Can you do that for me? Will you trust in me?'

"Cadet Uhura are you okay?" Pike called from the hallway. She had been in there awhile. Under normal circumstances Pike would trust Spock with his life, these were anything but normal circumstances. He was beginning to worry so he spoke again. "We need to get Spock to the medical facilities, as soon as you can manage it."

Spock bolted to his feet. "Are you okay! Do they think that I would harm you." Spock stood glaring at the door, his eyes slowly returned to Nyota, "They mean to take you from me. They have coerced you into doing something haven't they! No! You come to me, professing to care for me. All the while you are plotting with them against me. I will not be so easily taken! I may be defective but I am not weak!" She'd lost him. The anger was back. The blackness had taken him again. Spock was pacing the room, looking very much like caged predator. She sat on the bed watching him through lowered eyes, hoping to find a way to reach him again. When someone from the outside knocked Spoke picked up the bedside table and threw it at the door. As it passed by Nyota the drawer came out and smashed on the wall near her. Flinching away from the direction the table had come from had her to be facing the direction of its destruction. She pulled her hands up cradling her head to protect herself. Some of the wreckage still hit her cutting causing her to cry out in fear and pain.

Spock froze.

Nyota saw shock and the realization of his actions cross Spock's face. The raging anger was still there, not as prevalent as before so she spoke to him keeping her voice calm and pleading. "Ashalik, help me. I am bleeding. I am frightened." She called to him as if she were his bond mate needing his protection. She needed to change his line of thinking. Vulcan's were such traditional creatures, evoking centuries old ideas that their bond mates were to be cared for as a treasure did just that. He immediately fell to his knees in front of her and began checking her over. He found the wound on the back of her hand, and a few scrapes, scratches, and splintering on her forearm where she had wrapped them around her head. Spock looked at her with an almost palpable pain in his eyes. "Take me to Dr. McCoy, Ashalik. He will treat me so that I may return to you quickly." Spock's eyes never left her as he wrapped her in the blanket she'd covered them in earlier and lifted her. He cradled her to him as he carried her to the door.

Stepping in the hall Spock's hard look froze Bones instantly. "My... Nyota is injured. You will attend her." A hard look and what sounded eerily like a growl stopped Bones before he could take another step nearer. 'Since when did Vulcan's growl.' Nyota watched as Bones made to lift her from Spock and drew breath to suggest another idea when Pike spoke.

"Wouldn't it be a more prudent idea to get her to the medical facilities?" Bones looked from Pike to Uhura and noticed her ever so slight nod.

"This should be fun."

* * *

All seemed to be going well until Nurse Chapel did something that caused Uhura to hiss in pain. Pike was afraid Spock was going to hurt the nurse. Until he heard Uhura speak. He wasn't sure what was being said, or even in what language but the effect was immediate. And for that he was thankful.

"I am fine, ashaya. All is well. It may hurt a little for me to be healed, but if you are with me I can endure it." She knew she needed to keep him calm. She would have held her hiss if the Nurse Chapel had given her some warning rather than drooling on Spock's shoes. Again. Really how much more proof did she need, he'd carried her in, he wouldn't let her go, he was only speaking to her, and she still wouldn't back off. If it wasn't one woman it was another!

"You are injured because of me. My loss of control is to blame for this. Can you ever forgive me?" He looked so heart broken that she hated to use the window of opportunity he'd given her.

"Yes, it is by your hand that I am here. It is by your lack of control that I was injured. I feel that your control is slipping, ashaya. I would like to you allow Dr. McCoy to scan you for a medical evaluation."

"No."

"Is it not your job to protect me, to care for me, to honor me as I am the one that cares for you in your time of greatest need?" She was beseeching, but firm. Uhura held her first two fingers out to him, the instant his touched hers in a matching fashion she begged, 'Please, I beg this of you. Spock, you yourself told me you felt like you were losing yourself. To lose yourself is to be lost to me as well. Please don't make me go without you again. I felt like my heart had gone away with you.' She watched as his eyes scanned the room. They were in the main room of the medical facility. It was not private, and Vulcan's loved their privacy. Spock looked like a caged animal looking for the nearest exit.

Pike too had been watching. He'd been around Spock long enough that he didn't need to know what languages they were using to know what Spock was looking for. Leaning over to Bones he told him his assumptions. Before Uhura could ask, Bones started to speak.

"We really need more light than we have here to fix your arm up, do you think you could get your overgrown Rottweiler to move you to this room?" Bones watched as Spock and Uhura did some more of their silent talking mumbo jumbo. Finally after what seemed like entirely too long for his taste, Spock lifted Uhura again and carried her to the room McCoy had indicated.

* * *

"Daddy!" N'neya ran into his open arms. He had to refrain from squeezing her. Since Thorval had managed to get an injection into Spock, but another Vulcan as well there were granting him a night with her. Just one night.

"She is such a lovely child Thorval." Saval said stroking her head. "I'm sure you'll be a 'good boy' and not try anything stupid. It would be a shame to have something... bad... happen tonight, while you are both sleeping."

Thorval shook his head and pulled N'neya's head under his chin. "No. No I would never do anything to endanger her. She's all I have left." Tears leapt to his eyes when N'neya kissed his nose.

"I love you Daddy, but can we go have some ice cream? I'm real hungry." Thorval didn't dare move until Saval nodded at him. He was dangerous enough without being provoked.

When the elevator doors closed behind them N'neya spoke again. "I don't like him Daddy. He seems like a bad guy, like you always warned me about. I try to stay away from him Daddy, and I want you too. He's a big meanie."

"I'll try my love, for you I will try. But let's not talk about him, tell Daddy what kind of ice cream you want."

* * *

The bridge crew had decided to meet in the lounge later that evening to go over what each group had discovered. Uhura had left to go to the power room, and was checking herself in the mirror when a beautiful blond little girl with perfectly pointed ears came out of the cubicle next to her. "Hello there." Uhura spoke in Vulcan to the little girl.

"My Daddy says I'm supposed to talk to strangers." The little girl responded in kind, although there was a slight accent to her words. Which Uhura chalked up to her young age.

"Well I'm Nyota, it means star, but Shh don't tell anyone that's a big secret, okay?" Uhura said with a smile.

The little girl smiled a huge dimpled smile and nodded her head so hard that he little curls bounced all over her head. "My name is N'neya it's means wish which is fulfilled. My Daddy tells me I'm his wish come true."

"Oh that's a beautiful name for a beautiful your lady." The two girls chatted on the way out of the ladies room. Uhura held the door open for the smaller girl to go out first. She watched with a loving grin as the little girl ran into two outstretched arms waiting for her. N'neya launched in the tale of her new best friend. When the owner of those two arms looked up at her and her heart stopped. It was one of the two Vulcan's who had threatened her.

"Please don't say anything." He spoke to her in hushed tones. "I just want to spend time with my little girl. They keep her from me and don't let me see her often." Dumbfounded all Uhura could do is nod.

"Thank you Nyota," it was N'neya who spoke this time. "Daddy she's a real nice lady and I was a good girl I didn't talk to her until we were friends right Nyota?" Again all Uhura could do was nod.

"I know darling. You're the best, smartest girl in the world and I love you very much." The Vulcan said touching the tip of N'neya's nose. It earned him a scowl, which caused him to break out in a huge smile. He turned to walk out of the hallway.

N'neya called over his shoulder. "Goodnight Nyota. I hope to see you again. Maybe next time we can have ice cream, it's yummy!" Uhura watched in complete shock as N'neya then started talking with her father in what looked to be a very exciting conversation.

* * *

Uhura stood in the hallway staring at the direction the father and daughter had walked for what seemed like forever. She was terrified. She was shocked. She was confused. She was amazed. She had so many thoughts rushing through her head she didn't realized she had returned to the group until she heard Spock growl. That drew her from her stupor quickly. After shaking her head to clear her thoughts she took inventory of what was going on around her.

Spock was accusing Bones of having given her something that harmed her during his treatment. Bones speaking in a matching tone was reminding Spock that it would have been damn near impossible for them to treat her let alone slip her something unseen since Spock would barely let anyone touch her despite her need for treatment for a injury which had been caused by the Vulcan's actions. Pike was telling everyone to calm down, sit down, and to shut up. Bones was trying to run a medical scanner over her even as Kirk was pulling him back to keep his friend from learning what it was like to have an angry Vulcan launch himself at you. Gaila was calling to her from across the table. Sulu, and Chekov were all standing not sure whether they should get involved or get out of the way. Scotty was trying to convince everyone that it would all work itself out if they'd only have a drink together.

Slowly she stepped between Bones and Spock. She took one of Spock's hands in hers allowing him to feel her honesty. She took her other hand and pulled Bone's scanner away from her. "I'm fine." She spoke loudly enough for everyone to hear her so she wouldn't have to repeat herself. "I'm fine, really. I just had a bit of a shock. I'll tell you all about it after everyone settles back down, because boy is it one heck of a story to tell."

Slowly everyone did settle back into their seats although Spock would not release her hand. Uhura ordered herself an Irish coffee, in desperate need of a drink to help settle her nerves after the hellacious day she'd had. After it arrived she began. "You are not going to believe what just happened to me..."

* * *

"That is good news Saval. We are very impressed with the progress you have made. Your initiative in having Thorval give them direct injections is quite impressive also. I shall pass a holo of this report along to our superiors. There may very well be a promotion waiting for you if you continue exceeding expectations. Congratulations, and continued success. Ro'dan out."

I love Rottweilers! Our Molly (r.i.p.) was the sweetest, most loving, girl. She loved her pink daisy collar, and we loved her. They're great dogs, if they're with good people.

I hope you liked it.

Reviews are the fire that feeds my muse. May I have some please?


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimers:

(1) Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

(2) I'm dyslexic so my grammar stinks. I'm trying to get better.

* * *

"You know Cadet, I'm beginning to wonder if it's you." Pike said rubbing his face. "All the craziness lately has been connected to you in some way, shape, form or fashion."

Pike had meant his comment as a joke, and most at the table took it as such, the small round of laughter proving as such. The laughter even including the one who had been the butt of that joke. Spock however did not. He raised his head from where he'd been focused on their joined fingers to glare at Pike.

Uhura felt the vibration of his growl through her hand that rested in his lap. "Stop it Spock. It was joke, nothing to take offense at." She spoke to him in their mixed language to keep prying ears from listening.

Pike didn't need to be to follow what was being said, he knew the meaning behind the look. "Commander Spock, you need to rethink yourself. I can not be as forgiving as Mr. Kirk was, neither will the officers that will forced to preside over your court-martial." Spock didn't back down. Pike stood and leaned over the table towards the Vulcan. "Commander! You get a hold of yourself, or I will have you secured to quarters." Spock's hard look followed Pike's rise. In order to meet the perceived threat head on the Vulcan slowly stood to his full height.

When Spock showed no signs of backing down Uhura looked at Bones and said, "You've got to figure this our soon. Promise me you will."

"I'm doing my best darling, but he's not being very helpful what with the growling and the threatening to snap my neck." Bones tried to sound like the threat he'd received hadn't effected him as much as it had. However the doctor had grown rather fond of his neck and very much wanted to keep it intact.

"Tell me what needs to be done and I'll get you your scans. But we've got to help him Bones. He told me he's losing himself and I can't let that happen." As Bones drew breath to begin his explanations to her she spoke again. "Give me five minutes, and then follow us. I'm getting him out of here. We'll be outside. Don't wait too long to follow, you know I hate the cold and if you let me freeze to death I'll never forgive you!"

Slowly Uhura stood, "Admiral, I think it would be best if I took Commander Spock outside to cool down for a moment."

"You do that cadet. Make sure he's got his head screwed on straight or as straight as you can get it before you bring him back. We need him if we're ever going to figure out what's going on around here."

"Aye Sir."

Uhura reached out slowly with her wounded hand, she turned his face to met hers. She continued to draw him to her until their foreheads met. Then she pushed hard with her thoughts, 'There is no threat to me here, ashalik(darling). Come away from here with me. I wish to be alone with you.' She felt him nod, lead him from the room. When they rounded the corner and stepped into the hallway she pushed him ahead of her, she fell into step behind him as bond mate would. This cause Spock to look over his shoulder at her. When she did not come forward to stand beside him he questioned her. 'Why do you do this? Even my father thinks it is an out dated practice.'

'Then why was it done? I thought you would appreciate the traditionalism of it.' She pushed in response.

'You are kind enough to learn so many of our traditions and customs. It is much appreciated. As for why it was done. Think back on what you know on our culture before the teachings of Surak suppressed the madness we carry within. It was done for protection. I am bigger, stronger than you or even a Vulcan female is it not logical that I should walk ahead and clear her path? Make sure where she walks is safe?'

When they reached the lobby she pulled two blankets from the chairs in front of the massive fireplace and indicated to him she would like to go outside. "You've never shown me where Vulcan would have been in the night's sky. I'd like to see it. Plus it's been so long since I really just looked at the stars. What better way then with my own personal heater, and astronomer."

They stepped outside into the wintery night. The wind ripping up the Hudson Valley froze them in their tracks for a moment. "Oosh! Holy crow that is just cold! How could anyone live here!"

Spock took one of the blankets from her arms and wrapped it around her shoulders. "It is by your choice we are here."

"I know. I just wanted some fresh air, and this air is certainly fresh." She lead him down from the terrace over to one of the stone benches that overlooked the Hudson River Valley. "Ashal-veh, I know I shouldn't touch you in public. But it's freezing out here. Can I at least sit near enough to share your body heat?"

Spock didn't move at first. She thought he wasn't going to respond at all. The wind ripped up the mountain face again, and she began to shiver. "I'm sorry I asked. Let's just go back inside." This was not going the way she'd planned. She wasn't about to stand outside while he just stood there. As Uhura shifted her weight to step around him, Spock stepped up to her. Bringing his hands to her cheeks he spoke, "K'hat'n'dlawa, you are always welcome to touch me." He kissed her slowly, as if all else in the world fell away. She forgot about the cold. Dropping the blankets she stepped closer to him. This kiss had none of the blackness, no madness, none of the sadness, nothing but the reverence for what they shared came through. She wanted to cry at the beauty of it. It was amazing how you could adjust to what was lost, not even missing it, until it was found again.

Spock broke the kiss and stepped back from her. He bent over to pick up the blankets from where she'd dropped them and noticed she was swaying on her feet. He was concerned she'd been in the cold unprotected for too long until he notice her pupils were dilated, and she had what she'd called a woozy look in her eyes. A feeling of self satisfaction washed over him, and rather than feeling guilty for the emotion he enjoyed it. She'd once confided in him that she'd never had that reaction to a kiss before. While he wasn't entirely comfortable with the idea that she'd kissed others before him, he did like that fact that he was the only one to invoke such a response from her.

He laid the one of the blankets out on the bench so that it blocked the wind from underneath them and recline across it waiting for her to come back to herself. "Nyota, it was your wish that to look at the stars. You can not do so from your current position." She jumped at the sound of his voice. Despite the darkness of the night she didn't miss the amusement in Spock's eyes as she went to join him on the bench.

They sat there wrapped in blankets holding each other. Him holding her in the cradle of his body. Her holding his arms tightly around her, thankful that he'd returned to her. After a while Uhura felt Spock stiffen and sat up away from him. He wrapped her in the second blanket as he stood to met their visitors.

"Good evening Doctor. Is there something I can help you with?"

"Oh there you are. I've been looking all over for you two."

Uhura watched Spock's face for the rage to return, but it didn't. He was annoyed, slightly put off, but not the berserker rage she'd seen in him before.

"Yes, Doctor you have been successful in finding us, was there some purpose to your seeking us out?"

"Uhura, darlin' you've been out here over an hour in the freezing cold, either you're not telling' me the truth about how much you hate the cold, or you're toting around an amazing space heater." Bones had begun to rub his hands together.

She hadn't noticed how cold it had gotten until Spock had left her. "As a matter of fact Bones I do." She stood and wrapped herself in a blanket with Spock. "I need you to keep me warm, it's gotten colder out, and I started freezing the moment you left me."

Spock instant wrapped his arms around her inside the blanket and pulled her to him. Their foreheads met and she heard him clearly. 'We shall have to go inside. I do not wish for you to become ill.' At her nod he released her and folded the discarded blanket.

Just before the three of them reached the lobby Bones spoke again. "Spock, don't choke the life out of me, but Admiral Pike ordered me to scan you to see if you're alright." Bones looked worried, he was definitely trying to hide that fact but he was worried. Last time he'd tried to scan Spock it'd been like trying to reason with an angry bear.

He was going to argue, Uhura could see the wheels turning in his mind to find the most logical reason not to submit to the scans. She stepped between the two men and brought Spock's forehead to hers. 'Please, ashayam, for me. Do this for me. I have not lost you to the darkness and rage the entire time we have been under the stars. Please, for me. I need you. I have been so lost and empty without you.' As they separated Uhura watched as Spock's eyes searched hers. The small movements his eyes made had seemed so intense to her. As if he were reading her soul through her eyes. Slowly Spock lifted his eyes to meet the doctors and he nodded.

It took Dr. McCoy no time to begin his scan of Spock. The only concession Spock had requested was that they come in from outside. He would have preferred a much more secluded location for this, but he wanted Nyota warm. They were just wrapping up the scan when T'Pring rounded on them in the lobby.

"You did something to him. You did something to him and now he is mad." She stalked up to Dr. McCoy as though as though she were ready to attack him. Spock moved closer to the doctor in case he was needed. Vulcan females may be no match for a Vulcan male but were still much stronger than a human male. The movement caught her eye and caused her to turn her outburst on Spock. "You! You put him up to this didn't you. You couldn't stand that fact that I was happy. That I had found someone worthy of me and you tore him from me. I will have everything for this. I shall have my freedom and you shall be ruined."

Uhura stepped to Spock's side and drew breath to defend him, but a voice that flitted through her mind brought her to a stop. 'Say nothing.'

"Miss, I don't know what you're blaming me for, but I know that I haven't done anything against you. You say 'he's gone mad', well who's this 'he'? Take me to him and I'll see what I can do. Okay?" She nodded at the doctor, and turned to lead McCoy away. As she left she looked Spock directly in the eyes and said, "Enjoy her while you can. Soon even she will not want you. No one will when I'm done with you."

Nyota turned Spock to face her as Bones and T'Pring entered the lift. "That's not true, ashayam, I will always want you in my life. Nothing could change that. Ever. Look into my mind and see the truth of my words."

***************

A few hours later Bones made his way back to the lounge to find the majority of the bridge crew still there. If only in body and not completely in mind as was the case for some. He found Pike and Ambassador Sarek talking in front of the small hearth in the largely unoccupied lounge. "Admiral, I think we have a larger problem going on here than Post Traumatic Stress Disorder in Spock. I think all the Vulcan's here need to brought to the medical facilities as soon as we can arrange it.

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Reviews are the chocolates that feeds my muse. May I have some please?

I'm sorry this one is short, but I felt it needed to stop there. Feed the muse and she'll make me write faster!


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic so my punctuation stinks.

* * *

A Sheep In Wolf's Clothing

* * *

The Admiral and the Ambassador exchanged a long look before Pike finally spoke. "McCoy you want to explain that in a little more detail." He had the attention of everyone in the lounge now, no matter what their level of intoxication was.

"Well sir, we weren't really sure what was affecting Commander Spock. If you had made me hazard a guess I would have leaned towards Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. No offense Ambassador, but even a Vulcan can only take so much, before that highly developed brain starts to crack."

Bones took a step closer to Pike and Sarek. "Sir, I've scanned Spock compared those scans to that of his available medical records. From what I can tell his synaptic pathways are decaying."

"Well can't you heal him." Pike asked like Bones should have done so already.

"Right now all I can say is until we figure out what's causing it best I can do would be like pushing a boulder up a mountain. I can treat the symptoms. I can repair the damage. Until we know what the cause is it's just going to keep happening. At this point all we really have to worry about are leveling out his mood swings. It's just going to get worse in the future if we can't stop this from happening. I can sedate him if he gets too bad, but that won't fix the problem even sedation won't stop the damage from occurring. At some point he'll be too far gone for anything to help him."

The last sentence lingered heavily in the air for a moment before he continued, "Ambassador, I'd like to scan the other Vulcan's as soon as possible to see if it's just them or if you all are affected. We can set up formal appointments whenever is most convenient for you, sir."

Sarek spoke to McCoy, but in a voice that carried so that all those in the room knew their compliance was expected not suggested. "Doctor, you may scan me now. The others will make themselves available to you at your convenience."

Bones had been expecting a fight. He was more than a little surprised, but did manage a "thanks" with a little grace. The other Vulcans present didn't go against the ambassador's wishes, but they were less than pleased at what would have been considered an intrusion before the fall of Vulcan.

After his scans were complete he rejoined Pike and Sarek to make one more point before he left for the med center again. "Sir, I may not know exactly what's going on with Spock, but whatever Uhura's doing is working for Spock. When he's with her he's less affected. At least he seemed to be earlier. When I found them outside he was back to his old self. This is not an official doctor's order, but if you want his help on our other little problem I'd keep those two together as much as you could."

Pike and Sarek exchanged a look for a long moment. So much seemed to be passing between the two Bones was beginning to wonder if the stories about Vulcan's only being touch telepaths was a lie. Sarek's voice brought him from his thoughts. "I thank you, Doctor, for your concern for my son's well being. I would however like to speak with him before that decision is made."

Bones would have been offended if anyone else had something like that to him. But the exchange with Sarek had only given him a glimpse into how he'd earned all the accolades that had been given him. If that was how he negotiated no wonder he was the preeminent ambassador for Vulcan and the Federation.

"Whatever you think is best just don't take too long to make your decision." Turning to Pike, Bones continued. "Sir, I would like to remind you about another one of those damn receptions that's going on tomorrow. You know the one we're all supposed to be gussied up for, dress uniforms and all." Pike raised an eyebrow at him in a perfect imitation of a certain Vulcan. "The press is going to be here as well clamoring for their chance to meet '_the crew of the Enterprise_'." The only reaction Bones got for Sarek was to show him where Spock inherited his eyebrows from, leaving the good doctor to wonder if that expression was catching. Pike however was vocal in his response.

"How could I forget." Rubbing his face in exasperation Pike called the evening to a close for the cadets. "Tomorrow is the last day of the conference before a very over due weekend. It is also going to be a long day for most of you. You have your regular schedule, then a reception tomorrow night. I want you all fairly rested and coherent..." he gave Scotty and Chekov pointed looks. They had been arguing the finer points of Scotch versus Vodka for the better part of the night, and had the half empty bottles to prove it. "...before then."

****************

Sarek waited until the room had cleared before approaching his son slowly. He and Nyota had been sitting in the back of the lounge at a table to themselves. She was nursing a glass of red wine. He was nursing her. It was obvious to any who looked at them that he was utterly devoted to her. His eyes never left her. He was even humming to her as he traced patterns on the back of her bandaged hand. Sarek had heard rumors of the two during his time on board the Enterprise. He had even witnessed her concern for his son when Spock had attacked Jim Kirk on the bridge. He had thought it to be an innocent infatuation, it appears now that he was mistaken.

They both stood when he reached the table. Sarek spoke in careful measured tones as not of offend. Amanda had often scolded him for his presumed arrogance. The thought of their playful arguments brought a warm feeling to him. Turning his gaze to Spock's companion he spoke, "I must have a moment with you, my son. If you will excuse us please, Cadet...."

Spock and Nyota replied at the same time but with very different answers. Spock's response was to give her first name. Nyota's was to finish Sarek's sentence. She nodded to both men and was about to leave when Spock handed her glass of wine to her sliding two of his long fingers across the back of her hand. "I am under orders to protect you. Please do not leave the room." Were the words that left his mouth, but she felt different words tumble through her mind. 'I need you, please do not stray too far.'

She smiled at him and responded with "as you wish, Commander," while trying to push feelings of warmth and love towards him. Spock's small almost imperceptible nod let her know she'd reached him.

Sarek and Spock watched Nyota walk to the far side of the room. She ran her hand over the damage Spock had inflicted to the old solid wood mantel before taking a seat near the fireplace. "She is... important to you." It wasn't a question. Sarek was a keen observer of things not spoken. It had aided him on innumerable occasions in his negotiations. Watching his son closely he waited for his answer out of politeness alone.

"She is..." Spock never got the chance to explain.

"Ambassador Sarek. Doctor McCoy and Admiral Pike request I bring you to them. They say you must come. There is... something you must see." His aide Sithal said as he entered the room.

Sarek exchanged a look with his son and moved to follow his aide. Spock moved as well but to a different destination. Before Sarek crossed the threshold of the room he turned to his son. "I would still speak with you. Will you not accompany me?" This also was not a question. Sarek didn't question he demanded. Spock was in no mood for demands.

"I have orders that must be followed. They supersede your requests Father. I will not go where she can not follow."

"Very well." For a species that was supposed to be emotionless Sarek hardly ever was. His face was like an open book for anyone who took the time to read it. Uhura could have sworn she'd seen him sigh in exasperation. Slight though the action may have been, he had still done it.

"Ambassador, if you will. They await you to make the... decision." Sithal spoke again trying to convey a since of urgency without displaying emotion. The look that passed form Sithal to Sarek to Spock, let Nyota know that all was not well and this was not a political decision.

Nyota had always considered herself tall for a human woman. She had wonderful straight posture, and a regal bering that may supermodels, human and otherwise, would kill for, but standing in the elevator with three Vulcan males she felt small. Especially since Spock was starting to fidget again. Sarek, she was pretty sure didn't was going to remind Spock his intended bond mate was here, not to mention the public displays he'd been having over the last few days. Sithal, she was little more than an annoyance to him. Best elevator ride ever.

************

When the doors opened on the slowest elevator rides in her life the sight she was met with made her stumble to a stop. Cupcake and a few of the other security guards were standing the hall nursing more than a few wounds. Hearing Sithal begin his explanation to Sarek in Vulcan with "It appears he's gotten worse." Did nothing to inspire her confidence in the situation.

She could hear growling and crashing amongst the sounds of rage. The entire gathered party moved quickly from the doorway they were surrounding, as what used to be a piece of furniture was thrown against the opposite wall. Before it's impact Spock turned and wrapped her protectively in his arms. "What's going on?" She whispered to him, knowing that with his excellent hearing he would hear her over the melee.

"It would be better if you were not here." Came his whispered reply to her ear. "It appears that what has affected me is not because of a defect within myself." She shoved him roughly away from her. Aware of the fact that had he not allowed her to do so she would not have been able to move him.

"Stop it. Do you hear me. Just stop. You are not defective. You are not mad. How do you think your mother would feel to hear you speaking of yourself like this? Not doubt she and I would more than a few things in common on this topic. But that is not something we have time to go into at depth right now. Now you need to focus on the fact that you are a Starfleet Officer. You need to focus on the fact that it seems someone else has been affected by the same poison you were given. You need to help us figure out how to help who ever this is. Not stand here and tell me things that aren't true." She shoved past him to find Bones. If anyone had a grip on this it would be the doctor.

***********

"I'm telling there's nothing I can do. He wouldn't let me get within a hundred miles of him like this." When she found Bones he was in the middle of a heated discussion. The topic of which was easy enough to figure out.

"Well how did you help Spock." Kirk was asking. He was also sporting a nice sized black eye, and busted lip. Not for the first time did Uhura thing that for all his bravado and swagger he sure was on the receiving end an awful lot.

"I didn't.... Uhura did. I can't even tell you if these two are suffering from the same thing. The only thing I've got to go on are symptoms that consist of broken furniture and violent mood swings. For all I know this could be some sort of Vulcan PMS." His exasperation was evident in more than just his words.

"I talked him down. Once he was calm I asked him to trust me and we went to the med center. Just like you'd asked me. I mean I did use this to get him there, but it was mostly talking him down." She spoke up alerting them to her presence just outside their closed group. When they stepped back to let her in the circle she noticed T'Pring was with them. She had a green bruise forming on her cheek, and as wrong as it was Uhura couldn't help the sense of comeuppance that washed over her. "Can't you just go in there and talk to him. I mean if you're close enough to him you've pulled our doctor away from his conference what is it twice now, surely you can go in there and do something as simple as that?" It wasn't exactly a question, more like a small bit of bravado on her part, or maybe a bit of pay back. Venom for venom, even if it wasn't giving to her directly.

T'Pring actually back peddled when all the eyes of the group turned to her. "I can not. He will kill me. He will not listen. You've seen him he's is mad. Reason and logic have left him. It would be more logical to sedate him and keep him sedated until proper treatment can be performed."

All Uhura could think about was how cold this female was. How absolutely uncaring. Supposedly she cared deeply for this guy enough that she'd risk her future to be with him. That she'd wreck a bonding that had been in place since she was a child in whatever cruel way she could. But at the first sign of trouble she wanted nothing to do with helping him.

Uhura turned to Pike and spoke. "I can do it, sir. I can copy her speech patterns and get him out the door. Once he's in the light and sees I'm not her, you'd better be ready."

"I can't ask you to do that Cadet. He's not going to pull any punches for you. You have no way of guaranteeing your safety and..." Pike was quickly interrupted.

"No more so that making a space drop onto a mining platform high above an imploding planet. I. Can. Do. This. It needs to be done to help the other Vulcan's present. Not to mention that if he's not brought down from this rage it's just going to keep escalating until something drastic has to be done to stop him. Please, sir, I can do this."

Pike's eyes drifted to Kirk's, "If she won't do it Uhura's our best shot. She's knows better than anyone what she's asking for." Pike nodded his understanding and continued until his eyes met McCoy's.

"I don't like. Goes against the grain letting a women walk into danger, but I agree with Jim. If anyone else here ever had a shot and getting to him it'd be her."

"Fine Cadet you're up. Tell us what you need."

Uhura thought for only a second before she began speaking quickly. First to T'Pring, "I need your outer robe. And I need you to talk. I've got to learn your speech pattern and accent. Tell me anything and every I should now about him." When T'Pring hesitated Uhura became more firm, "Talk." As she dressed in the outer robes of the other women she listened carefully to her speech patterns for any variations on words or how they were pronounced. She also listened as T'Pring described the most mundane things about Stonn. Either they weren't close or she didn't really care for him either. Uhura was beginning to think T'Pring was setting her up to fail on purpose. It would hurt Spock, and discredit her. Fine if that's the game she wanted to play, it wouldn't be the first time someone doubted her abilities. She'd used it as motivation before and would be more than happy to prove T'Pring wrong as well.

*******************

"Sir, Spock will need to be restrained. He won't want me to go in there for various reasons I can't go into now. One of those if your order, sir." She was addressing Pike, but gave T'Pring a pointed look over his shoulder as she was preparing to enter Stonn's room.

"Admiral, there's no way I have enough tranquilizer to sedate two raging Vulcan's." Bones added as he doubled checked his med kit hoping he was wrong but knowing otherwise.

"I would say we'll take care, Cadet and for you not to worry about it, but...." As Pike looked around for a solution.

"Admiral, you can not order Cadet Uhura to communicate with Stonn." Spock, his father and Sithal had finally joined them.

"I didn't Spock. She's the best shot we've got at getting through to this guy and she volunteered." Pike really had hoped Spock would stay away until Uhura had made it into the room.

Several things happened at once. Spock stepped towards her with a growl, his anger having finally returned to him. Pike, Kirk , McCoy and those that were able on the security team all jumped at him at the same time Sarek's hand came down onto his son's shoulder.

~*~*~*~*~

Reviews are worth more than gold. Please spread you wealth! Please review.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic so my punctuation stinks.

A/N: I've done it again. I swear this all makes sense in my head, but between my head and here it just gets lost sometimes. I've had a few questions so here are my working theories....

This story takes place after the movie and before graduation, and is taken a lot from the audiobook. In the epilogue it says that the had to report back to finish classes and exams. So I put them back as cadets. They may have been officers by that point but I figure this is a grey area and going from what I know of from my husband's military background you're not given you new rank until your graduation day so that's why I have them back as cadets.

The Thayer Hotel is a historical building. I know that our historical hotel here has is old elevator. The mechanic that work it have been updated – some, but for the most part you aren't allowed to change historical buildings too much. That's why she's in an elevator and not a turbo lift. In my mind the Thayer still looks very much like it does today, fireplaces, kitchens, all the stuff that would be ancient to them, but stuff that would have been kept due the building being historical. There's a flyer for the Thayer available online if any of you want to see where my mind is.

Thanks very much for the questions. I like to know when I've not explained myself very well. It is my first story and I am working against missing gears in my head.

Oh can I gripe for just a second.... In the movie Kirk says "Spock has resigned his commission." That means Spock is leaving Starfleet. It should have been "Spock has resigned his command." That means he stepped down. Which is something the fixed in the very next line, but that just irks me. Like nails on a chalk board.

Anyway, Thanks for listening on with the story!

~ Things better left unsaid ~

* * *

"This is not your concern." Sarek's voice was cold, hard, and commanding. Instantly Spock bristled.

"She is my responsibility. I am to see to her safety. I was ordered to protect her. She was the one who heard the deciphered the transmission that was key to the Enterprise's success." His voice rose with each statement. He was becoming angry. He was going to put her in danger, but he was supposed to keep her from danger. They allowed her to walk into danger. They had no idea what Stonn was capable of. He would kill her for deception. Spock knew he was out of line. Out of line with his father, out of line as an officer, and out of line as a Vulcan. At this moment though he couldn't seem to care. Nyota, his Nyota was willing walking into danger.

Spock threw his father's hand off, determined to pull her from that room no matter the consequences. Hearing his father calling his name, demanding in Vulcan that he stop or be stopped did nothing to deter him from his chosen course of action. Hearing Sarek's voice raised turned more than a few heads their direction. Sithal moved forward to stop Spock, but was thrown back against the wall. Cupcake, along with the other security officers present did their best to hold their Commander back. Spock had more than a few advantages on his side. He was Vulcan, faster, stronger, and denser than humans when they were able to get near him they could do little damage. Someone attempted to stun him, but in his rage that had little effect.

As he neared the door to Stonn's room Pike, Kirk and McCoy met him. "She's knows what she's doing Spock. You have to trust her." Pike spoke up first. "Do you honestly think I'd let her go in there if I didn't think she could handle it. Listen to her. She's doing just fine in there."

"You gotta give our girl more credit. She's as tough as she is smart. And we're all right here if she needs us." Bones hoped Spock didn't lose again. There was not way he had enough in his med kit to take them both down if this went wrong.

"Spock," Jim finally spoke up when the haze of anger subsided in Spock's eyes. "Call out to her if you're so unsure. But don't blame me if she eats you alive for doubting her."

Spock search their faces for traces of deception. Finding none he lowered his head and listened.

*********

Inside the room one thought blared through Uhura's head was, "What have I gotten myself into!" She walked slowly into the room keeping her head down to hide her face from Stonn for as long as she could. She was shorter than T'Pring, but piling her hair up on her head helped. Their skin was different colored so she kept herself covered in T'Pring's cloak. It was one of the few times in her life she was ever glad for cold weather. Vulcan's being from a much warmer climate the majority of the wore heavy robes while here on earth. Even the undershirt that Spock wore was one that was part of the cold weather uniform issued to them.

"T'Pring, where did you go. Where you with him! You are to be mine and I forbid you from continuing your wandering ways. You will attend me. Me, and no other!" Spock's anger was never directed at her. To be the brunt of someone's fury was a frightening thing. Especially considering the amount that an enraged Vulcan male could bring to bare.

Uhura thought focused on T'Pring's speech patterns, and timbre of her voice, and froze. She wanted to scream. T'Pring had either set her up or was the most deficient Vulcan she'd ever met. They had only conversed in Standard. Uhura had her mind on a million different variables, and not thought about it until she couldn't remember which accent T'Pring had. 'Ok think Nyota. She's in Sarek's entourage, she's finely dressed, she's Spock's intended bond mate. Definitely higher class. Here goes nothing.' She thought to herself. Clearing her throat she began.

"I apologize for leaving you. I shall endeavor to follow your instructions in the future, ashaya. I would never be so foolish as to want his company over yours. He is beneath me. You are where my future lies, with you and no other." The pain in her chest returned as she spoke such horrible things. She hoped Spock could not hear her. She wanted to run from the room. She wanted to throw herself into his arms kiss him and tell him it felt like blasphemy to even have the words cross her lips.

"Do you mean what you say. Do you T'Pring! You have never told me I am your beloved. You have never returned such terms of affection to me." He was coming down from his rage. Stonn was still angry, still threatening in his posture and actions, but it was less so now.

"Of course I do. I have not told you so... I..." Uhura could see the anger making its way back into his eyes. She had no idea what to say. "I have not told you so for fear you only speech the beautiful things you say to me. That it is not truly... That you do not truly... That I am not that truly important to you." This was getting harder. She had to get him to the door quickly! Bones had better be ready or have one of the other Vulcan's close by to do that neck pinch thing on him, because Uhura was done. All she wanted now was to go back to her room and curl up with Spock. Forget the ups and downs of her day. She just wanted to be near him and hear him breathing. Just bask in his presence, in the comfort he gave her just by existing.

"Why do you stutter so? Do you not mean what you say to me? Take care T'Pring I am not so easily fooled by your bewitching beauty." Stonn crossed the room and was standing directly in front of her. She could see his feet, feel the heat radiating off his body, knew that he was towering over her. Uhura started to panic as his hand came up. He was going to touch her. Pull her hood off, as for her to touch his fingers, something. The moment their skin met he would know it was not T'Pring.

She stepped back quickly and brought her bandaged hand out of the cloak. "Forgive me, but I am a little frightened. You see when you became angry earlier and struck out, I was injured. I am ashamed to say I am still apprehensive about being in such close quarters. I apologize ashayam, forgive me."

"You were injured? By me? I did this to you?" Stonn reached slowly for her bandaged hand. He cradled it in his. 'Thank you Bones for over doing it!' Uhura thought as he turned the bandaged hand over in his looking at the damage he could not see.

Stonn slowly brought his lips down and placed several kisses on her hand in apology for the injury he thought he'd inflicted. Uhura had to bit her tongue to keep from gasping in shock. Spock had explained to her early on in their relationship that only within the family were Vulcan's ever free to express themselves, but to see this was as shocking as watching the fall a newborn giraffe must endure.

"Please Stonn, come with me to the see the doctor. I would be better able to care for you if I knew what was afflicting you. He waits just at the door. Won't you please let the doctor tell me how to care for you." She had changed her voice so that it moved between begging, purring, and caring. She wanted this over with now. She felt like she was committing a betrayal. She felt the pain of that betrayal so acutely she felt as if her skin were crawling.

"If it will keep you to me as you are now I will see this doctor. You should come to me like this more often T'Pring. I enjoy hearing words showing my importance to you just as much as you do. I burn for you and you give me nothing I could not get from a rock."

Uhura started walking faster backwards, "It is not so easy for my love. I am not so eloquent as you. My words are kept close to my heart but are written there just as strongly as your words are spoken." With that confession Stonn all but charged Uhura. He was intend on taking her in his arms, since to him his beloved had finally confessed her adore for him. Uhura matched his steps just as quickly moving back so that when they reached the threshold he was surprised when he was met with a tranquilizing hypospray rather than a loving embrace.

****************

The security detail did their best to help the doctor lift and drag the heavily drugged Vulcan towards the medical facilities. When Uhura gave T'Pring her cloak back, if she'd been expecting any sort of 'thanks' for what she had done she would have been disappointed. As it was she handed T'Pring her cloak back with a "Here, and don't let him find out it was me."

Uhura turned her back on T'Pring looking for Spock. She found only finding Pike and Kirk who were looking shell shocked.

"What? Did you not think I could pull it off?" Looking around the hallway she found he wasn't there. "Where's Spock? Jim? What?" Uhura was starting to look worried. What weren't they telling her? "What is it!?"

It was T'Pring who answered her. "Spock heard everything that was said. He left. Or didn't he tell you Vulcan's have excellent hearing." Vulcan's didn't gloat. They didn't show emotion. They kept their emotions in tight check. Well most did, but the smirk that crossed T'Pring's face was undeniable.

~*~*~*~*~

I got some great reviews for the last chapter. It inspired me to write this one in one day. It's not much but it's something. And all because of your wonderful reviews.

If you wanted to give me a gift for the holidays, I'd can't think of anything better than a review all wrapped up in a pretty little bow!


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic so my grammar skills stinks. I'm trying to get better.

A/N: I am re-posting this after LydiaMoon kindly pointed out some of my mistakes. Thank you for that too - see I'm learning ;o) And Bacca pointed out that I'd made Uhura sound subservient. I didn't mean to. I pictured it more as showing THE Vulcan Ambassador, one of the Federations top if not the top ambassador, not to mention the father of your beloved respect. So I tweaked it a little. I agree she is a strong woman and that's why we all love her, but the military is taught to cultural respectful of where they are and I think that's all she was doing. Not to mention she might have been a little scared of him. I think Ben Cross is an amazing actor and did a wonderful job in the movie, but Sarek to me will always be Mark Lenard. His Sarek was smart, sexy (as hell), confident, and prideful. Even Amanda alluded that that was how she felt in TOS. And I didn't mean to imply that Vulcan women were subservient, more like shelter as you would a precious gem. After if their mates refuse to help them the males will quiet literally die, and painfully too at that.

Also after re-reading this I wanted to say that I know Spock is really out of character. There is a very good, canon applicable, reason for it. I will get to it, right now I'd just like everyone to think of all he's gone through, and without her he is alone. Think about how often Leonard Nimoy's Spock latched onto or tried to latch onto anyone who would show him affection. More than once when he was torn from that someone he was emotional about. He even said he had been happy after 'This Side of Paradise'. I was also asked why Spock doesn't just call the whole thing off. I am thinking of this like a medieval arranged marriage. If he does is family will owe hers or her from breaking the contract. But if they can prove that she's the one who is in the wrong then he gets off scott free and could very well be owed a boon by her family. I tried to explain this in an earlier chapter sorry I wasn't clearer. I look at it this way. Vulcan's are a hugely ceremonial race, so there would be ceremony involved in this, especially considering Sarek is important enough that T'Pau presided over Spock's marriage in TOS, and Sarek himself was with a Vulcan princess during on of his Pon Farr's.

I would again like to thank them both for telling me their observations. It will make me better in the end. Thank you, really.

* * *

In The Arms of an Angel

_~Last Time ~_

_It was T'Pring who answered her. "Spock heard everything that was said. He left. Or didn't he tell you Vulcan's have excellent hearing." Vulcan's didn't gloat. They didn't show emotion. They kept their emotions in tight check. Well most did, but the smirk that crossed T'Pring's face was undeniable._

T'Pring switched to Vulcan, not knowing that more than one of the humans present understood the language. "Spock has always had very human eyes. Too emotional." She didn't bother to hid the disgust in her voice.

The tall Vulcan beauty admittedly did not have full understanding of Federation Standard, but that was no loss to her. She understood enough. She did not understand when the child Spock had so much affection for called her a desert. From what she understood a "trifle" was a custard, and cake soaked in wine or liqueur. Although she did not know what a "trifle in" was. She also did not understand the girls reference to a female canine. Nor did she understand why the three human males that had heard the girl's words were laughing.

Humans were such strange creatures.

*************

A multitude of thoughts ran through her head as she ran down the hall towards his hotel room. She had said such hurtful things. She'd had to. The words had felt like sand in her mouth, but she'd done her job. Vulcan's understood duty. She just hoped that he was there. Throwing the door open she called for him. She looked quickly through the room.

It was empty.

He'd not taken anything with him either, his coat, his communicator, none of his overnight things were missing so he would be coming back. He wanted to be alone. Like on the Enterprise. He would have gone where he would be disturbed. But she desperately wanted to explain to him that she had not meant the words she'd said. She had been playing a part, pretending to be that frigid, self-centered, self-serving... No she couldn't got down that road right now she needed to think. She looked out the windows as she thought. Standing here wasn't going to find him. She grabbed her coat and headed out. She was not exactly sure where she was going but this campus wasn't so big that it would stop her from looking everywhere for him. Her heart hurt over the fact that she'd hurt him. He'd already suffered so much and she'd added to it.

It was well past midnight when she found him. She had gone to the med center. She knew Bones would know why she was there. It never took him long to get straight to the point. "If you see that boyfriend of yours tell him he needs to be scanned again too. His readings from the lobby and what little I got while you two were in here before are different. I want to scan him again to see if I can make heads or tails of what's going on here."

Both Sarek and T'Pring shot her very different looks at his use of the word "boyfriend". Sarek was appraising. T'Pring's changed from knowing, to conniving, to shocked, that was the one she allowed everyone else in the room to see. "Doctor, surely you are mistaken. Spock is my intended bond mate. He wouldn't dare dishonor our bond, it would be most..." at this she looked at Sarek, "disagreeable." Sarek's expression did not change. Not a hint at what was going on behind those dark eyes. But Uhura was seething.

"Oh no, it's not like that. Spock would never be so _cruel _as to dishonor his bond with his intended. He would never allow another into his..._confidence_ while still bonded to another. Never spend his days playing _nurse maid_ to someone who was not his bond mate, sorry intended bond mate. He would never dishonor himself or his great family by doing so illogical. " Bones and Jim looked taken aback at the venom in her voice.

"If I see Commander Spock on my way to my room I'll make sure and pass along your message. If I'm not needed?" She was turning to leave when Pike spoke up.

"I still don't want you alone, cadet. We haven't been able to find those two Vulcan's who threatened you. Nor do we know what they're up to. So until we do, I don't want you alone. Give me just a second and I'll walk you back to the hotel."

Pike slowly rose from his chair the pain evident on his face as he did so. Which spurred Bones into action. "With all due respect sir, sit back down. You're next on the list for my charming bedside manner." Kirk was beginning to answer when Sarek spoke up.

"I am needed back at the hotel, if the cadet is in need of an escort she may walk with me." When all the eyes on the room fell on her all Uhura could do was nod. Sarek indicated that she should begin walking however she shake her head and waited for him to pass her. Taking up the traditional role of a Vulcan woman. When he paused at the door to speak to the Vulcan's helping Dr. McCoy with Stonn he was surprised to see her behind and to his right. Uhura met his gaze with eyes full of an unspoken question. Sarek looked over shoulder to Tamor, the Vulcan in charge of Sarek's security. "When all is finished here I wish for a full report. You will find me in meditation in my room." Uhura wondering if Sarek was aware that she as well as Kirk spoke Vulcan. Kirk not nearly as fluently as she, and he had gotten his position as Treasurer of the academy's linguistics club on looks, but he plausibly fluent the language. She didn't have time to think on it. Sarek's stride was much longer than hers forcing her to watch her footing in the ice and snow that had fallen.

"My wife never liked walking in that position Ms. Uhura, do not feel you are obliged to do so." He slowed as he turned his head to speak to her. "She said it was demeaning despite it's culturally references for protection."

Uhura slipped to a stop literally, making sure her footing was stable on West Point's steep hills before trying to reply. "I know that you make think me illogical Ambassador, but I find the cultural connotations to be incredibly romantic. After all what girl doesn't want to be protected. Although sir, if you'll forgive me for speaking out of turn and making a request from a family that is not my own, you do walk rather fast." She smiled at him and noticed his face show what merriment he would allow.

"I have heard that complaint before. I have never thanked you for all that you have done for us, as a species and as a family. It has not always been easy for him. I have added to that burden more than I have lessened. It is out of respect for what you are to him that I say these next words to you. He can not be what you would wish him to be. As I'm sure you know he is bound to another and will remain so. Unless you are both of the understanding that this can be no more than an..." He was at a loss for words.

Uhura was not. "Sir, I mean no disrespect for what I am about to say, but you don't have all the facts. I know that 'all is silence within the family', but maybe the family needs to learn to talk amongst themselves. Things are not always as they appear. You are a powerful man, and your family is powerful as well. Does it not make since in the face of all that has happened that some may want to take advantage of that now more than ever? I understand I am speaking out of turn. Please forgive me. I will not trouble you with my company any further. Thank you, for escorting me this far. Goodnight Ambassador Sarek of Vulcan. Live long and prosper." She raised her hand in the accompanying gesture. Before Sarek could respond however she turned doing her best to storm off without falling down.

* * *

She was mumbling under her breath in Klingon as she neared the terrace of the hotel. Klingon was always a great choice of languages if you were in the mood to curse. It was guttural and sounded angry before she added her own fire to the words. From up on the terrace she could almost see the out line of the bench she and Spock had lay wrapped in blankets while looking at the stars. She still had no idea where he was, but she thought that being where he had been might help her calm herself before she continued the search. She stepped into the lobby only long enough to grab a blanket from one of the wing-back chairs next to the fireplace and headed toward their bench.

The closer she drew to the bench the better she could see it was occupied. The outline looked familiar but the posture was not right. When she reached him she noticed several things were... off. He was shivering. But Vulcan's could control their body temperature easily. To them it was a slight matter of concentration. He wasn't holding himself in his normal dignified bearing. He almost seemed to be crumpled in on himself. His arms were even folded around his body. "Spock." She spoke calmly, with a very careful tone. He seemed to flinch from her words. "Are you okay? I have been looking for you for hours. I know you're going to chastise me and say it's illogical, but I was worried. T'Pring said you left after you heard what I'd said." This caused him to jump up from the bench and stumble a few paces away. Spock moved his hands from across his body into his hair, clenching them there. Nyota also hear a noise that sounded like a whine and moan come from him. She unfolded the blanket, switching her words to Vulcan, "Please, come away with me. It is cold and you have remained here too long."

Spock rounded on her. His voice was curt, and his tone was harsh. He was hurting and meant to hurt her as well. When he had spoken to her in his native tongue in the past she had always thought it was more suited the the title of romance language than the ancient Terran dialects she'd learned as a child. These words spoken in Vulcan so harsh and hate filled she took a step back. "Come away with you! You who would speak words of love and caring to my face then stab me in my heart with one of the very ones who took pleasure tormenting me. Come away with you, you say as if I could trust you. As if you care." His last words were drained, empty. "Leave me. You need not care what becomes of me. I am nothing to you. My bond is not with you. You are not bound to me. My well being is none of your concern." He turned away from her again.

Nyota approached him slowly. The snow crunching loudly under her boots as she drew near him. She unfurled the blanket slowly wrapping it around him. Nyota stood before him and pulled the blanket's ends closer together. He was cold. Alarmingly so. Vulcan was much warmer and less damp that New York, especially these frigid winter winds. She used one hand to hold the blanket closed and the other to bring his forehead to hers. "Breathe with me." He tried to look away from her. He attempted to turn his face from hers, but she held him fast. "Breathe. Come into to me, join with me. So you will understand. If I had not helped him, if I had not brought him out to the doctor, and gotten him help she would have lost one of the trappings we can use against her. I got a confession of sorts from him. I am trying to help you, us. I hated to doing it. Saying the words were like ripping my heart from my chest." He was looking at her finally. He'd stopped trying to block himself from her. When his hand came up to her face, the unspoken question clearly written on his face she wanted to cry from the joy. When his hand touched her face she jumped back at the coldness of it. He thought it was from a different reason. Before the hurt could settle in his eyes she pulled his hand to her again. She showed him. She showed him the pain the words gave her from speaking them. The pain that she'd even had to pretend to care for Stonn. The one who would partner with T'Pring. She showed him her words to T'Pring when she'd left the room to found him gone. She showed him her search to find him and her determination to do so.

She was in such a flow of showing him things, her conversation with his father spilled out of her before she could stop it. Nyota felt him start to withdraw from her. He was slipping from her, physically and mentally. She opened her eyes to find Spock on his knees bent over in the snow. "I will not let her have you. I will not let anything keep me from you. How can I show you how much you mean to me. I know you have suffered. I know you have suffered more than anything living thing need to withstand alone. But you are not alone, not anymore, not ever. I am here. I will always be here. Lean on me when you can not stand anymore. I am here. For you, for now, for always."

Spock looked up at her. His eyes searching hers for sincerity. "Come away from here with me and let me tend you, my ashayam. Let me be your port in this storm that threatens to overwhelm you." She spoke to him in Vulcan keeping her words soft and sweet. Nodding Spock stood and grabbed onto her hand as if it were a life line.

She lead him upstairs to the room they were sharing under the pretense of protection. She took care of him. He had not been tended so since he was a small child. She ran a hot bath for him, a real hot water bath, and left him to soak in it. Using it to bring his body temperature back up. She placed his night clothes in the bathroom for him. He heard her calling room service. He heard her turning down the bed, adding extra blankets to make sure he stayed warm until his body was properly recovered. When she heard the water being let out she came back to the bathroom. She took great care in drying him off. She put lotion on his skin to hold the moisture in, she told him she'd never understood how it was that the cold that dried her out worse than any heat. She sat him down, combed his hair. He knew it was completely illogical to allow her to do these things for him. He was capable albeit not willing to do them himself. She response to his voiced statement was a small smile and the words, "I know." He understood then that her taking care of him physically was metaphorical for the amount of care she held for him emotionally. 'Showing you my heart' she'd said to him once, he'd never understood until now.

After all was said and done and they laid down for the night it was not him that cradled her against his body. It was she that cradled him. She held on to him tightly. Stroking his face, his ears, his hands, any skin she could touch. She sang to him softly, lullabies, love songs, slow songs, when the songs where done she just hummed until he slipped away to sleep.

~*~*~*~*~

I loved all the gifts (reviews) I was given! They were all joyous and wonderful and a perfect fit! May I have some, please!

Please let me know if this helps clear things up. Thanks for reading!


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic so my grammar skills stinks. I'm trying to get better.

~*~

Snowflakes and Stars

~*~

The next day Uhura decided was the day from hell. They had a normal conference day, in which they discussed the rights to the newly discovered Sherman's Planet. She'd never learned so much about terra-forming in her life, and her throat was starting to hurt from speaking then yelling in Klingon. Klingons never spoke for long it always ended up in a yelling match. But she had been able to use her knowledge of preserving natural habitat for their side of the argument. She'd have to send her mother a thank you note again for dragging her on all their expeditions to help other worlds learn how to save their indigenous animal populations from extinction. Not only had it helped her to learn the majority of languages spoken within the Federation, but she'd been able to speak from a place of knowledge rather than supposition which allowed their side to win the argument.

She'd not seen Spock, Pike, Sarek or anyone from the Ambassador's party all morning. Pike, Spock, and Bones had not even been present for their morning formation. Throughout the day Bones' communicator kept calling him away from the conference. When she did see him he looked tired.

"Is everything okay?" She asked him during lunch. She'd done so after noticing he was yawing almost continuously and still drinking coffee. From the look and smell of it it was his famous 'Cowboy Coffee'. Double strength through and through.

"I wish it were Darlin'. Stonn is not doing as well as Spock. That damned Vulcan anatomy! He keeps waking up. I can't get a good enough set of readings to fix the damage that's occurring. I don't know what you're doing for Spock, but you should have gone into the medical field." Bones took a long breath wiped his hand across his face continued. "We can't figure out what's causing this. Spock's reading weren't complete when he was in the med center with you. What with all his growling and threatening to snap my neck. That's why I took those after your little star gazing trip. Those readings were different from we did get in the med center. I'm having a hell of a time trying to figure it out."

"Sounds like it could be environmental?" Uhura asked happy to finally be able to contribute to finding a solution.

"Maybe, but he and Stonn were given the same poison. The only thing I could figure it that maybe Stonn was given a stronger dose. Or maybe its his hybrid DNA. They say mutts are almost always more healthy. Although now some of the others in Ambassador Sarek's party are starting to show mild signs of the same thing. Not nearly as advanced as Spock and Stonn, but it's starting none the less. And none of them were injected."

"So we're back to environmental." She knew she was getting her hopes up for an easy solution. "Spock's were different when he had been outside. Vulcan's would never willingly spend time in such cold weather. They hate it as much as I do, thought they'll never say it. They have to expend a lot of energy keeping their internal body temperature higher to compensate. They'd say it was illogical when perfectly acceptable environmental conditions are at hand. So the fact that they have all been inside the buildings is our common factor. But where to start looking for a cause?"

"Well maybe. But don't get ahead of yourself darlin' there could be other factors, like... Is it this area? You said yourself it's cold here. Vulcan's wouldn't normally travel here, maybe in the summer, but for all we know this could be the Vulcan equivalent of a cabin fever, or a pine allergy." Bones knew his attempt at humor wasn't funny, but the frustration required him to try and break the tension.

"These buildings are pretty old. There could be something in there construction that is affecting them." She wasn't a scientist, had never claimed to be, but it was the only common point she could see.

"It could be something blowing up the Hudson Valley. Good luck finding where that could be coming from. For all we know it's the damn Hudson River itself. Do you have any idea how contaminated that thing used to be. I'm convinced it still is." Bones scrubbed frustrated hands over his face and gave a long suffering sigh as they were called back to the conference. "And I'm so sick of hearing about grains, settlement right, and damn Sherman's Planet that I hope the Enterprise is never sent there."

Uhura grabbed Bones arm and laid her head over on it. "It'll be alright, it's almost over. Then you get to spend all night at the reception. Did you hear they're going to do a holiday theme. The ballroom is decorated in sections representing all the different holiday celebrations that take place on Earth this time of year. They even have a dance floor. Won't Gaila be happy."

All Bones could do was roll his eyes and muster a "Great, just so long as she doesn't expect me to dance with her. I'm never doing that again, not with her. You'd better save me one though or I'm going to be offended." Uhura chuckled giving his arm a squeeze before letting it go.

~*~

The conference ended its day early so that everyone could get ready for the reception that was being held that night. Gaila couldn't believe they weren't given the whole day to get ready. "I mean really! I takes work to look this beautiful. I normally take at least six hours to get ready for one of daddy's functions back home." Uhura and Kirk exchanged a glance as both knew there was no way to stop her now. She'd be going on about this until she'd finished dressing, even then it would take at least three compliments from three different people before she'd stop.

Uhura had just finished getting ready when she heard a knock at her door. "Hold on, I'm coming." She hoped it was Gaila. They usually got ready together but since her room had been destroyed she'd moved. Rounding the corner to from the bathroom she stopped short when she noticed the piece of paper that was being slipped beneath her door. Why would someone leave her a note. Maybe something had changed in their itinerary and they didn't want to disturb her. She carefully picked up the paper mindful of her freshly lacquered fingernails. She opened the paper and stared at it a moment before the words sank in...

_It is not wise for you to be alone_

It was from them. They were watching her and knew she was alone.

~*~

Gaila was having a hard time trying to decide what to do. Did she keep her hands off Jim Kirk and get to the party on time. Did she not keep her hands off Jim Kirk and get to the party a little late. Or did she just forget the party all together and have a party of her own. Bones was trying to decide whether or not he would strangle just one of both of them. Jim knew exactly what he was doing to Gaila, with his coy looks, winks, and obvious sniffing the air to let her know he smelled the pheromones pouring off of her. He was glad they had finally reached Uhura's room so she could keep these two in check.

They knocked for a few minuets thinking that maybe she was just running behind. But when the couldn't get a vocal response, heard no movement from inside the room, and she wouldn't answer her communicator Bones had Jim call Pike.

It didn't take Pike or the security team long to arrive. For those waiting in the hall it felt like forever though. Pike quickly took control of the situation. Cupcake entered the security override code into her door and went in with one other moving mountain to clear the room. The two hadn't made it a few meters into the room before they were calling for the others. Kirk rushed into the room first followed quickly by Gaila and Bones.

Uhura was sitting in the sitting room her outline clearly showing in the window. She was not moving. Her posture was not her normal tall, proud, strong, and in control, it was off. She sat looking out the nearby windows at the falling snow, but not seeing anything. Her three friends exchanged glances before Kirk went to move forward. Bones quickly grabbed his arm, shaking his head the let the younger man know he would go to her.

Bones took slow steps to her, as if he were approaching a frightened animal. "Uhura, Darlin'? Are you okay? You had us worried there beautiful. We've been knocking at your door for a few minutes. You know you've made Gaila late for the party. You know how she hates to be the last one there." He was getting no reaction from her at all. He tried a different approach. "I've never seen your hair curly before. It's pretty. You know it's got to down right beautiful for a man to mention a girl looking pretty."

Nothing. "Come on Darlin' cut me some slack. I'm trying here. I don't know what to say. You want me to tell you how much I like your dress? Oh wait it's the shoes right? Didn't you tell me that before that date I had with Nurse Chapel? You told me to always comment on a girls shoes. Girls like that right? See I was listening. The date was still a disaster though." She blinked. That was the most reaction he'd gotten from her yet. "Darlin' won't you tell me what's got you so upset? Is it Spock? Did that green blooded, pointy eared, hobgoblin do something to you. If he did I'll make sure I...."

He noticed her hand twitch. There was something in it. She slowly presented it to him. A piece of paper. He gave her a questioning look but her eyes never met his. He took the paper and read it out loud. His voice was loud enough that the others in the room could hear him. When he finished her heard Gaila gasp, Jim curse, and Pike start calling out orders to security.

The Admiral walked over to wear Bones was kneeling next to Uhura. Both were relieved to see her start moving to stand up. Pike beat her to the punch. "No please, don't get up. First of all a lady should never stand for a man. And I don't know about you cadet.... Uhura but I could sure use a 'sit down' knowing what's waiting for us downstairs." The two sat there for a moment before Bones handed the Admiral the note. Pike just stared at for a moment getting his thoughts in order.

"Uhura looks like I've made some grievous error in asking Spock to guard over you. His father has informed me that Spock's bond mate is here and if he is not acting in an official capacity his first duty is to her even though we all know where she believes her first duty lies. That being the case he should not be on your arm as it were. So I have what I'm sure is a less attractive option for you to consider. Why don't you be my escort tonight? I sure could use your expertise in making sure I don't trip over some other culture's custom and cause an intergalactic incident. Besides you'd be doing Smith and Young a favor by keeping me out of trouble."

Uhura's head turned to see Cupcake nod and smile at her. She smiled but more so because she'd never thought of the burly security officer as anything other than Cupcake. It was nice to know he had a name, but which one was he. She asked him that very question only to have him reply with "Pretty lady like yourself can call me Cupcake."

Pike called her attention back to him by holding out his elbow for her to take. On the way to the ballroom he gave her a run down of the etiquette that would be expected of her. Receiving lines, first dances, meeting various dignitaries and their significant others. He was impressed at how much of this as well as other cultures customs she was aware of. "Looks like I chose the perfect date for the night. I'm glad you didn't enter the diplomatic corps instead."

~*~

When Uhura and Pike arrived at the ballroom she wasn't surprised to see they had waited for him. She also wasn't surprised to the Vulcan's present were less than pleased about his tardiness. Pike told her under his breath that he'd hoped he'd miss all this and he could sneak out early. She knew this wouldn't be the case. They were here for the night. The whole night. And it was going to be a very long night.

Pike quickly made up for his late arrival by taking charge and getting the receiving line set up. Pike told the interpreters they should stand just over the should of their dignitaries since the place that had been set up for the receiving line had them in tight quarters. She couldn't tell if it was a blessing or a curse that Sarek, and therefore by extension Spock who was acting as his father's interpreter, were just after her and Pike in the receiving line. Before Pike took his place and signaled for the reception to begin he told her in what she was sure he assumed was a voice low enough not to be heard that if she could sneak it in her greetings, which should be spoken in the appropriate native language, a reminder that no one should touch the Vulcan's.

After a while she got into a flow and shut her brain off. It was easy enough work to repeat what was being said adding the Admiral's side note and a reminder that "cultural differences should not be interpreted as intended offenses". Her perceived presumption earned her more than a few scoffs from various self important dignitaries. She didn't bother herself to care. She'd lost count of how many she'd spoken too, and was just thinking that at some point very soon she was going to have to get a drink to keep her throat moist. Almost as if he were listening to her thoughts she noticed Spock with a small silver flask that had been hidden between his hands. He handed it to her briefly touching the inside of her wrist between the buttons of her opera gloves. He pushed his voice within her mind. "Warm tea with honey. It will help." She smiled at him and stepped over until she was hidden behind Pike before she took a sip. The tea instantly coating he throat easing it as it worked its way down. Uhura unbuttoned her long opera gloves and tucked the hand part back and into the sleeve. She then slowly reached her first two fingers over to Spock, who instantly met her. 'Thank you so very much. You are so wonderful, and very thoughtful.' She watched as his eyes warmed and the muscles in his face relaxed slightly.

His voice came to her filling her with warmth, and love as the words tumbled through her body. 'This is not how I would have wished this night to go. I would have wished to continue in your company. I feel an emptiness that can not be resolved without you near.' They both noticed Sarek turn and his eyes fall to his son's hands. Uhura had never heard Sarek's voice in her mind before so she gathered it must be coming to her through the familial bond Sarek shared with his son.

'Your current actions are not wise my son. There are other things that must be attended to at this time.'

'Yes Father' was given in reply. Before he broke the connection he gave her these last parting words along with filling her with the corresponding emotions. 'This night may not hold the pleasant memories we would wish it, but I shall never forget how breathtakingly beautiful you are in that dress. You look ethereal draped in silver. I shall remember you as if you were an ha'su (angel) come to Earth this night.'

~*~

The night was long. Longer than she would have liked it to have been. But not as long as she would have hoped for her she been with the one she most wanted to be. They spent most of the night separated. The receiving line being the only time they were even close to being in each other's company. It was painful for her, and trying on him. She could see the dark circles forming under his eyes before then night was over. Uhura wondered if he would be okay that night of if he'd be joining Stonn in being sedated in the medical faculties.

Pike had ordered Bones to stay with her that night. Spock's suite had more than one bed and Bones was her friend. She doubted Spock would be happy about it if her knew but if he couldn't be with her someone needed to be. She got ready for bed feeling like she was missing something and knowing exactly what it was. When came on in the bedroom she noticed a small wrapped gift laying in the center of the bed. Reading the note underneath she began to cry.

You are the star for which all evening waits. Mine will be incomplete without you by my side tonight. This is the gift I would have given you had we been able to share this evening together. I await our next.

She tore off the paper finding a familiar colored blueish turquoise box underneath. Tiffany & Company,was stamped in plain black letters on the outside of the box. He'd bought her Tiffany jewelry! Inside the box lay a beautiful sterling silver snowflake necklace. The card in the box held another message.

For my lovely Star

You are as a snowflake:

Beautiful

and

perfectly unique.

I love you.

Yours, now and forever,

Me

~*~*~*~*~

What is written on the card is what my handsome, wonderful, amazing husband wrote on mine, except he put "wife" instead of "star". And yes he got me the snowflake too! He's such a keeper!

****

For Christmas I'd like review in my stocking please? It's were I draw my inspiration to write from! The more the merrier! Please!


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic forgive my lack of grammar skills. Hopefully I'm getting better.

Fair warning – I haven't re-read this and I'm submitting it at 0420 in the morning.... Let me know if there are mess up that need to be fixed.

*~*~*~*

Vulcan's Never Lie

*~*~*~*

She should have been able to sleep in. It was the weekend. They were supposed to have it off. So when her comm beeped at her Uhura's first thoughts were to throw it out the nearest closed window. Instead she answered it.

_*Staff meeting downstairs at 0530 – mandatory* _

_All bridge crew are to report downstairs for a mandatory meeting that will take place promptly at 0500. _

Great. Just great. Not only was she not going to get her weekend off to sleep in, go shopping, or do whatever else she could think to do to distract herself from the fact that Sarek was acting in the stereotypical way most people thought of Vulcan's. Emotionless. Heartless. Spock was acting like a child rather than the adult he was supposed to be. She wanted to be mad at him. He was supposed to be the mature one, at least that's what he'd told her during their relationship while she was a cadet. He was older, more mature, even more so as a Vulcan. She'd laughed at that.

She'd never understand how men could be so mature, protective, caring one minute. But the minute they were in the presence of family go back to acting like a child. Letting their parents make their decisions and telling them what to do. She'd seen it happen with her older brothers. They revert to their mother's children rather than the husband/father they were outside that house. It was infuriating to be on the receiving end of that behavior.

As she was leaving the suite to go to the meeting she thought heard Bones moving around. "I'll save you a place downstairs, okay?" She didn't wait for his response. Coffee. She needs coffee, and soon. Maybe even some 'cowboy coffee'. Stepping off the elevator into the lobby she realizes the message hadn't told her where they were supposed to be meeting. She asked at the front desk. The clerk had no idea what she was talking about, but said she would go check. Uhura waited at the desk for what was becoming a long time, especially since she was in desperate need of coffee. When the smell of the roasted beans hit her nose. Purring at the smell she followed her nose towards the wonderful smell.

Sitting the dining room staring out the windows she was sipping on her coffee. She took this moment to let her new personal PADD to download all the information she's saved in the personal space Star Fleet gave their officers on the system's computers. It wouldn't be all her that she'd lost but it would be a good starting point. Hearing other voices drift towards the room she turned to see who they belonged too. Her heart froze when the owners of those voices rounded the corner joining her in the room.

"Glad that you could join us this morning Lieutenant." The cruelty and malice were not hidden in his voice. "This was far too easy. I really did expect more from the 'Crew that saved the world'. I mean really."

She was alone, in a room, in the very bottom floors of this old hotel. Face to face with the very creatures that had threatened her. Uhura rested her elbows on the table and drew her hand over her PADD, all but covering it from their eyes. She had almost finished when she felt the sting of a stunning blast hit her in the ribs. As her world faded to black she heard the Vulcan she'd met with his daughter apologizing in her ear.

"I never meant for you to become involved. I am truly sorry."

*********

Spock felt as if he were being crushed. The blackness of his rage and anger was creeping up from the bottomless pits of hell to drag him down. As his father and T'Pring's suppression were threatening to crush him from above. The only bright spot he had since his entire world had come crashing down was now the last place he was allowed to be. Yes he understood his father's reasoning. He knew them well, he'd been working on a way out of that damnable bond ever since Nyota had come into his life and changed him forever.

To have you mother love you was one thing. She had been champion, his foundation. Nyota had quickly become his center and his savior. She was what his people called k'hat'n'dlawa, his mother had told him it matched a Terran romantic term of soul-mate. He found with Nyota neither description even came close. To a Vulcan to have a mate is someone who resides along side you within your own mind. Nyota lived with in him in a way that no Vulcan teaching could describe. There were a few romantic notions that came close, but none seemed to get it just right. She lived within him in a way that made him feel empty, desolate and lost without her.

He tried to keep his breathing calm. Fighting for his center. He could feel the darkness swirling around the edges of his consciences. He had been kept from her by duty, by his father, by T'Pring, by the needs of the many, by anything and everything to the point that he knew a human might say that the universe was working against him. Spock had come to the med center along with Pike, his father they were discussing the reading taken on all the Vulcan's currently at West Point.

"I've been running around like a one legged man in a butt kickin' contest. I haven't slept in 3 days but I'm finally done." Bones was looking directly at Pike as he spoke. When Spock stepped up to the group Bones eyed him for a moment before continuing. "All the Vulcan's here are beginning to show signs of the same neural pathway damage that Spock and Stonn have. It slowly building up in their systems. See here, and here..." Bones showed some scans on a large screen flipping through them pointing out the blacked damaged pathways. "Spock I need to scan you again. We need to get a set on you, you're the only one that hasn't had a full scan run. Last time I tried the readings were off. So if you'll just hop on up on the bio bed..."

Spock tried to suppress the violent raging that ran through his blood at the doctor's request. The darker part of his nature was screaming for the doctor's blood, his head, his death. It screamed at him to not submit, to defy, to show them all that he was not weak. He heard T'Pring slight snort at his acceptance of the doctor's request. He could feel her in the back of him mind adding the blackness. He forced his violent feeling to show themselves to her as much as she would allow. She'd never opened their would be bond very much to him, so it made him want to smirk at her gasp when she realized just how 'not normal' he was.

Bones pulled the curtain around the bed. Stepping up close to Spock's head. The look in the Vulcan's eyes however had him taking a half a step back. "Now don't choke the life out of me for this. I'm just trying to help. I pulled the curtain..., well because you Vulcan's seem to like your privacy more than most, and that T'Pring reminds me of the ex-wife right before the divorce. All piss and vinegar. In case you were wondering that's southerner for I don't like her."

Spock didn't trust himself to speak, so a slight nod was given to show McCoy that he understood, and agreed. As soon as Spock heard the medical tricorder's attachment start its scan he closed his eyes and began taking deep breaths that should have calmed him. But it didn't. He couldn't focus enough to find his center, so he just let his mind wander. He could hear the soft murmurs of T'Pring talking to the still restrained Stonn. Instead of the kind words Uhura had used to bring both of them back she was threatening Stonn and cursing Spock in the same breath. He heard Dr. McCoy talking to him so he opened his eyes to be polite.

"I want you to know that I don't think it's wise that you follow your father's wishes. Uhura helped you. And you look wrecked without her..." Spock heard McCoy continuing to speak but his mind had drifted off again. Nyota... He searched for her within his mind. Looking for that small piece of her that always lingered within him. The part of her that he held dear to him beyond all measure. He used it, allowing it to fill him, the smell of her, the sight of her, all the aspects of her that he had seen in the many different ways they had been together. He heard T'Pring gasp as she gleamed what Spock was doing. 'It is something you shall never have.' came the voice in his mind. She was trying hard to fill his mind with her poison, trying to push Nyota from his mind's eye. 'But I already do, it is you that shall never had such.' He responded as he forced a mental lock on T'Pring's efforts. Spock lost himself in feeling her, reaching for her even now.

McCoy called Pike and Sarek over to look as Spock's scans. "He should be worse that Stonn. As a matter of biology his control is not what a full Vulcan's would be, but he's not. He's not normal, not even close. If I had to venture a guess I'd say his control looks something like swiss cheese after a mouse has gotten hold of it. I'm surprised he's not like him." They all glanced at Stonn. That bought them around of growls as he struggled against the bonds that held him to the table.

"Doctor, I must know. Will you be able to help us." Sarek asked turning from his son's reading to McCoy.

"That's hard to say. I mean right now I can't keep Stonn sedated long enough to even prep him for surgery. And if we don't figure out what the cause is it'll be like pouring water in a bucket with a hole in the bottom. Spock is another story. He's just as bad off physically as Stonn, but he's got help that's holding him together where as Stonn is fighting and uphill battle with an albatross around his neck."

Spock had found her. She was tired, angry, and worried. She was worried for him. He reveled in the fact that he was in her thoughts. My still could not believe he was lucky enough that she cared for him. Having been told from such an early age that he was never good enough, then to meet such a fascinating woman, then to have her care for him, in any capacity. Not for the first time did he think of this as a blessing or miraculous. He had not been raised in a religious culture, but he could find no laws of science, logic, or physics why in all the creatures in all the world she should care for him.

It was as he bask in the warmth of her, that he felt the stabbing of her fear. It was as if he'd been stuck. He gasped at it. Spock wanted to rush to her but was unable to move as he had been secured to the bio bed for more accurate readings. He's attempts to break free drew the attention of all in the room. Dr. McCoy was calling for sedatives. His father was calling his name aloud, and searching his mind through their familial bond. Pike was telling him to remain calm.

Spock felt the burn of a stunning blast, even though he was not the one who'd been shot. Then all that was Nyota Uhura went disappeared within his mind. Spock became enraged. He fought for his release. Struggling against the binds that held him. Fighting the drugs that were being pumped into his system. Forcing his father to see what had affected him so. All the while roaring that the person he cared for most in his life, his one point of light in a world filling with darkness was gone. Fading from his mind like a dream does when the conscience mind takes over. Vulcan's from early childhood were never alone. The grew up with someone within their mind. In most cases it leads to deep bonds, a knowing of another that was beyond what most species could ever know. Spock had only know hatred within his mind until she came into his world. To feel her leaving him was more frightening than when he had instructed the Jellyfish's computer to execute General Order 13, or realized that had she been on the Farragut she'd have been completely lost to him.

McCoy had finally gotten what he hoped would be the right amount of sedative. He hoped that once he got Spock out he could force Sarek to see reason. For a damn logical race his actions sure were anything but. Pike was holding Spock's head still as much as he could so that Bones could get the hypo in the right spot, directly over the vein for a quicker reaction. So when Spock froze, then locked eyes with Pike, and uttered his last conscience words both men heard it. As the words finally processed in their minds they shared a look of abject horror.

"Nyota! They have her..."

*~*~*

Feel free to send me a review and bless me out for taking so long. Either way please review! I'd love to hear from you! And you are always welcome to PM me and tell I'm taking too long, I'd even consider it motivation. I'm even open to suggestions as to what you'd like to see.

I'd just love to hear from you! And thanks for reading!

Angym – I like them before too! QTFics & Crissy – you two are the best!


	19. Chapter 19

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic forgive my lack of grammar skills. Hopefully I'm getting better.

*~*~*~*

The instant Spock's words registered the room erupted into to a cacophony of sounds. Pike was yelling at, and shaking the unconscious Spock. When the young Vulcan did not respond, Pike began yelling at McCoy to bring him around. "I can't Admiral. His system is too highly strung as it is. To give him a stimulant is asking for him to tear this place down around us."

Kirk kept half an ear on the argument that was erupting between his mentor and his friend, all the while calling on his comm for Uhura to answer. After a few attempts he turned to Cupcake and nodded at the big security officer. Just as the chosen security team was about to cross the threshold leaving medical Kirk called out to them, "Don't come back without her. Tear this place apart if you have to!"

The shouts and screams of the humans were joined by the shouts of a restrained Vulcan on the table close by. Stonn's words were barely recognizable but their meanings were not missed. The were that of a caged animal. Bones won the argument with Pike by stating, "If I give Spock the amount of stimulant he'd need to come to he'd be worse off than that." Pike's look turned grave.

He turned to Sarek and spoke, the solemnity in his voice was not missed by any present. "Is there anything you can do? Mind meld? Anything?"

Sarek's expression never really changed, except for the small muscles around his eyes. Kirk noted that maybe Spock's eye's are as human as he'd been accused of them being. "No. You can not meld with the unconscious. We shall have to wait until he awakens."

*~*~*~*

Nyota had no idea how she'd gotten here. One minute she was drinking coffee... then something happened. She couldn't remember, decided that she was still just sleeping and was going to enjoy this dream. "If this were a good dream Spock would be here." She sighed as the surf of her home continent met her feet. She wiggled her toes allowing them to sink a little deeper into the sand. "Well at least I've dreamed up an empty beach." She said turning to walk a safe distance from the surf to sit. She came to the conclusion that dream days at the beach were much better than real ones. No other people, no sand sticking to her, or blowing on her, the humidity wasn't doing a number on her hair, it was quiet. Just her and the sounds, and the sun. It would have been a marvelous day... if Spock were here.

She forced the tears back. She understood, or at least she was trying to. She understood the arranged bonding was keeping him from her. She understood how hard his father and T'Pring were making it for him to break the bond. T'Pring couldn't just be awful where other people could witness. She wouldn't act inappropriately in front of anyone. "Nope. Not going to think about it. This is a good dream and I trust Spock." she said out loud.

"That is good to hear, my beauty." He whispered in her ear as he knelt down behind her. She purred as she leaned back onto him.

"I have missed you." She said pulling his arms around her. Her falling onto his shoulder. His chin falling onto hers.

"I have felt the absence of you as well." He murmured in her ear. He followed the path of his breath with kisses. "I can not find my center she is not with me. Mediation holds no refuge for me without you." He kept speaking to her in his quiet, soft, purr of a voice he reserved only for her. All the while trailing kisses down her neck between words. "There is no incense that can calm me as easily as smell of your skin." He retraced the path previously taken to speak into her sensitive ear again. "No sound holds my focus so completely as does the beating of your heart." He slid his hand up around her neck to feel her pulse at his finger tips. "No meter in which to measure my breaths like the sound of yours." Spock turned her face to his. She parted her lips so that she could breath better. His words were doing anything but calming her. Her shuttering breaths turned into pants as she looked into his eyes. At the same moment their eyes met, her lips parted, and his finger tips came to rest on them. "You are the center of my life. It is devoid of light without you in it. My days are hard fought against the blackness in my soul and empty beyond measure. I feel the absence of you as a never ending pain. I do not wish to survive these trails if you are not to be my prize at their end."

Nyota swears he's never kissed her with so much emotion. Not even in the initial stages of their relationship which are the ones that are supposed to be the one with the most spark. She turns into him never wanting the kiss to end. She takes breaths whenever their lips part so as not to stop him in anyway. When Spock is passionate he is beyond amazing. She wants to drowned in him and will do anything she can to prolong this. Slowly, giving him time to ready himself, she reaches up for him. His skin is so warm. He is so beautifully exotic to her. Touching him heightens her.

She can feel her heart open to him. A place deep inside her that no one before him had ever touched. The one that filled with such sharp pain from his loss, also filled to blazing passionate euphoria with his touch. She has tried to describe it to him before, just the feeling touching him can elicit. But her descriptions all contained feelings making it difficult for him to understand. So she showed him. Kissing him with only their lips touching was like comparing a candle to a hearth fire. Both gave off light, only one could sustain life. To know that anyone could feel to passionate about him had brought out a new level of confidence in Spock. So much so that now anytime she touched him while kissing his protective instincts came roaring to the forefront like losing a caged animal. He felt her heart open to him, she felt his desire to consume her in a protective shield within himself.

Nyota purrs with delight as he wraps his arms around her and rolls her onto a waiting blanket. 'Dream beach days are definitely better.'She thinks with a secret smile. Hearing his small huff of a laugh she knows he agrees. He would never act like this with her in public, which allows her to enjoy this dream all the more.

She loves it when he moves her around, showing his strength and the ease with which he utilizes it. She'd once called it manhandling but that term had taken him aback. Manhandling he understood to have negative connotations, until she'd told him to tell her if she feels negatively about it. The smirk on his lips, and the purr he'd given her in response had paused him momentarily. Until he processed her emotions on those actions too. Then he'd set upon like a man starved.

There was the same since of urgency to these kisses but not the consuming rush, this was a slow burn. She could feel fire on her skin where he touched her. It was the most erotic thing she'd ever experienced and all the was doing was caressing her. Trailing his fingers delicately across her exposed skin, and he wouldn't move any father than their current kisses and touches. No matter what tricks she tried. Finally frustrated beyond belief she pushed up from his embrace and asked the question that was screaming through her. "What's going on, Spock?"

"I am sorry Nyota. I do not wish to disappoint you. I wish nothing more than to be all that you need of me, but right now I must focus on keeping you here." He actually looked a little afraid. He never liked making her angry. She could count on one hand the amount of times they'd actually even argue, most of those had been about being involved with her as a cadet.

"Keep me here? Why? What's going on? Look I know why your avoiding me. I get it. And while I don't like it much, I get it. I trust you. But I need to wake up. I have a stupid meeting that's probably going to take up the majority of my Saturday which means I can't go into The City to go shopping or sight seeing or anything. Maybe after the meeting... What is it?"

"I do not wish to alarm you. However you have been taken. We assume it is by those who wish to harm you. Security is out looking for you right now. They shall find you soon so there is not need for you to be concerned." Spock used all his Vulcan training to hide his apprehension from her. It never worked. She had always been able to read his eyes. Her parents had taught her reading body language was universal, whether they be animal, sentient vegetable, mineral, or humanoid.

"If I shouldn't be concerned why are you?" She was getting alarmed. He could tell by the elevation in her heart among many other tale-tell signs.

"We are unsure as to where to begin our search. That makes me... concerned... for you. I do not wish you to come to any harm." Spock tried to keep his tone level, and chose his words carefully. It didn't help.

"You're concerned? You're concerned! I'm the one they have threatened to kill!" She sat up on the blanket anger coming off her in waves.

"Nyota, please. Calm yourself. If you had not wondered off alone..."

"What! What did you just say to me!" She stood looming over him now. "How dare you blame me for this! If you had been here! If Pike hadn't scheduled that stupid meeting!... I can't believe you actually blame this on me!" She was so angry she almost didn't hear his next words.

"Admiral Pike did not schedule a meeting. He has been in medical all night along with Dr. McCoy, my father, myself, Cadet Kirk, T'Pring....." He really didn't like it when she interrupted him.

"Wait if Pike didn't send the communique out then... How did they get my PADD address? It's classified! It took them a whole standard day to get me a new one. I had to give them everything but a blood sample. They even took a retinal scan! And the PADD was completely empty." As enraged as she was it did not stop her from connecting the dots as quickly. "They used my old PADD didn't they. They only needed to go in and change the name in it."

"It would be a task simple enough for a Vulcan child to accomplish." She would have been mad at him for his haughtiness had it not been for the seriousness of the situation. "Now I will know how to find you." At her puzzled look he continued. "I shall have to computer search for the internal PADD code and name the location of its last log in point. That should give us an idea of where to find you."

She threw herself in his arms. He could feel how terrified she was. This feeling paled in comparison to how she had felt the night they had chased her. He quickly reached for her psi points, but just as his fingers connected he received two sets of information. The feel of her in his arms, and voices that where deciding how to wake her, perceived through her split consciences. "Nyota, focus on me. You must stay here, with me as long as you are able."

He felt the pain shot through her ribs, felt the bones bend. Knew she would have more than a few hair line fractures. Vulcan's treating a human body as if it were of their same kind did not bode well for Nyota. The sound that escaped her made him want to rip those that would harm her apart until nothing in medical science could distinguish them. Spock felt his heart actually skip a beat. He would have analyzed the occurrence as Vulcan hearts were known for their strong, steady beats, except for its cause. Nyota had lowered her head when the pain had ripped through her, once she met his eyes again there was blood on her lips. "Find me soon, ashayam. I will wait for you. I will try to be strong." She jerked again, but he didn't feel it this time, he did not however miss the look of absolute fear in her eyes as she faded from him.

*~*~*~*

In the medical lab things were beginning to look bad. They couldn't wake Spock. Stonn was rapidly approaching the limit of tranquilizer they could safely give him. Sarek, Pike, Bones, and Kirk had no idea where to proceed. And while they had complete faith in their security officers, those guys always did better when the knew what to hit. Protective instincts rather than higher reasoning made a good security officer.

"I don't know what to say. The best I can figure Spock should have come out of it by now. You Vulcan's with your high metabolisms make sedation look as rudimentary as a conk on the head." Bones was saying

Sarek was drawing a breath to no doubt contradict the good doctor when he heard his son's voice.

"I may have a way to find her, but we must hurry."

*~*~*~*

I am sick. Yucky-icky sick. Stuffy-nose-fever-no-rest-sick. I hate to be sick!

I apologize for this being late. I feel horrid! You know what would make me feel better? Reviews! If I get an endorphin rush off reviews I might feel better quicker, which means more writing!

Please review!

I'd just love to hear from you! And thanks for reading!


	20. Chapter 20

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic I'm fighting against it as I go. Hopefully I'm getting better. Feel free to tell me if/where I mess up, and I'll go in a fix it.

I should warn you this one gets dark. And it may remain dark from here on out. If this bothers you I'm sorry, but please stop reading. Though nothing horrible actually happens in this chapter the threat is there. I will be changing the rating on this story to match.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

Pike had not been on the Enterprise to witness the brainstorming session that had resulted in his and the planet being saved. It would the best example of Crew Resource Management he'd ever witnessed. When Kirk had sent out the message it had taken less than five minutes for his senior staff to arrive here. He had immediately stepped into the roll Pike knew he would be so good at, and took charge. He gave the new arrivals a 'quick and dirty' bringing them up to date on all that had happened.

They ideas came fast and leapt around from subject to subject like an energized puppy. When they had covered more than a few ideas in random order Kirk called out "Ok so what do we have so far." And all conversation stopped. The room was silent of a beat before Spock responded with a more organized version of the topics covered. When he finished Kirk responded to Spock directly while putting his hand on the other mans arm. "I'm sorry. I'm so used to her keeping my thoughts in line. She so much a part of things... I forgot she's not here."

*~*~*~*

Uhura slowly regained consciences. "Humans. For one of the founding members of the Federation, you are such a weak pathetic species." She recognized the taller Vulcan immediately. He was the one with those hate filled eyes. She attempted to move away from him but her ribs screamed at her. "Yes, I'd imagine that hurts quiet a bit. I am pretty sure I heard at least two of them crack. Pity, I was hoping for more, or maybe a punctured lung. Being from a planet with little water watching someone drown has always seemed interesting to me." Uhura's head whipped around to give him a hate filled look of her own. Seeing it enraged him. Saval grabbed her upper arm, close to her shoulder. He smirked at her as he hauled to her to his eye level by that one appendage. " I have made sure to grab the side on which your ribs were damaged to add to the pain. You will remember whose decision it is as to whether you live or die little human." She held her breath against the pain, or couldn't breath because of it. She forced her mind to think that it was the former since she hoped to be strong. "Or shall I just save myself the trouble and kill you now."

She knew Spock was strong. They'd worked out together, among other things, that had given her a good idea of how strong he was. He'd always told her he was afraid he would hurt her. After one particular instance when she'd woken up with bruised that perfectly matched his hands he'd been mortified. It had taken her days to get him to touch her even in the slightest way again. Getting him to accept her explanation that she'd asked for it, wanted it even had required her showing him. It was then that they discovered his deeply buried passion, and he had allowed himself to open to her even more. He found it amazing that she could feel the emotion behind his touch. The need to hold her close, to shelter and protect her was so strong within him. That to be able to share that with her was liberating for him.

The hand that currently held her head now had no such emotion in it.

"Do you think he would feel it, as a mate should, if I snapped you neck right now? If not, how about it I ripped off your funny round human ear and sent it to him? Shall I leave the earrings in? His gift to you, yes? I read your very tiresome personal log entries. Tell me if I get the story right. He gave them to you on your most recent leave trip to your home country. They resembled tribal shields you'd seen at The United States of Africa's Natural History Museum. Your very last day of leave, day on the beach if I remember correctly. You spoke of his passion. You would have made an excellent mate. Too bad." Her breath caught again as he began turning her head. She knew once her neck reached a certain point all he would have to do is give it what would be for him would be a little push and her neck would snap instantly. She wanted to fight, as futile as it would be, she didn't want to die. It would kill Spock. No, he wouldn't feel it, they weren't bonded. He wouldn't know of it unless the 'gifts' were sent.

"Saval" The father of that beautiful little girl spoke. "If you kill her we can't use her as bait. We have an opportunity to kill the Vulcan Delegation that's present and the members of the Enterprise that are in attendance. If you will give me a little time to make adjustments I can ensure that she is found at just the opportune moment." He held Saval's eyes for a moment and then turned his gaze to Uhura. "It would be such a pity to miss this glorious opportunity." When Saval returned his gaze back to her she noticed the look the other Vulcan was giving her and began to fight.

"Don't you dare hurt them! Why are you doing this?" Her fight was short lived by a squeeze of her throat.

After she's gone still Saval showed her the blackness in his soul with his next actions. "You live or die by my actions. Remember that." With that he threw her down against the metal piping in the room of her imprisonment and made his way to the door. Stopping briefly next to Thorval. "Make the adjustments. The glory shall be ours."

Thorval waited until he was alone with their prisoner before he rushed to her side to check on her. He slowly moved her to what would be comfortable position. When he laid his hands along her body to check for damage he heard her utter a single word. "Spock."

*~*~*~*

Across the West Point post in it's medical facilities there was a pause as all those present in one particular medical lab watched as Spock stagger backwards into the bio-bed he's been restrained on not moments ago. His head was pounding. His vision swam and darkened. He felt an impact against his skull. His torso hurt. It was difficult to draw a full breath, as there was a horrible pain in his ribs. His spine hurt as if it had been bent in an angle that was inappropriate. His upper arm hurt. His shoulder hurt as if it had been wrenched in an effort to dislocate it. He felt as if he's been on the losing end of Klingon battle training.

Spock leaned heavily against the bed listening to the sounds around him. He allowed the bed to hold more of his weight trying, willing his lungs to fill to capacity. Being on a planet with a lighter atmosphere than the one on which he'd been raised had taken some readjusting of his internal systems. But to be unable to take a full breath on top of that he was feeling was making him even more light headed.

Spock could hear Sarek calling him. He could feel his father reaching out across their familial bond find a reason for his actions. Spock attempted to shield his thoughts from him. He could hear Pike demanding he answer. He could here concern in Kirk's voice. That almost gave him pause. Kirk was concerned for him? Spock could hear McCoy scanning him with a tricorder, telling him to lay down before he fell down. He could hear them asking him various questions without giving enough pause for him to answer. Not that he could or would.

When the throws of pain ebbed away he knew why they had struck him, or better where they'd come from but not why. They were from Nyota. She was being further injured. How was he feeling this? They were not bonded. He had touched her mind on occasion. They had shared feelings, emotions, and more. He had hoped that they would one day be a fully bonded, full mated pair, but had not broached the subject with her. He reached for her in his mind. If she could send him a share of her pain then surely he could reach her as well. Closing his eyes to block out all other simulation he searched his mind trying to find any link to her.

Suddenly he was bombarded with images of her death. Her neck being snapped. He could see what injuries she'd received that caused him to feel their reflection. He could see her being torn apart like a hunting trophy. He could see the intension of such actions. He could feel the rage boiling within him. Vulcan males were exceedingly protective of their mates. He had shown her those feelings once and only once in all the time they had been involved with each other. She had told him that while it was flattering beyond belief that he had such depth of feeling for her, it was frightening to her to know that they were so all consuming. Earth's greatest predators combined did not share in all their collective power could not bring the force a Vulcan would bring to bare to protect what they held most dear.

The last image he was able to gleam from her was that of their day on the beach. To be more precise it was the moment he'd given her the gift of the earrings that had matched her ancestor's shields. Being from a culture risen from tribes was a common ground that they had shared. Six billion years removed by evolution and there were somethings that were still universally known and amazingly similar.

'Ashayam, Nyota, half my heart, half my soul, love of my life. Please hold on to that memory. I will come for you. You will be safe. I will see to it. You know that I will. If I have to level this entire facility to do so I will make you safe again, all the rest be damned! I will come for you, hold on to these word and be assured. If you need me to hold what you can not I will be your vessel. I will do all that I can for you for you are all that I am. If you are able to call for me from your heart and I shall find you. I am yours, and I shall come for you.' He could feel her fading from his mind. Her conscienceness was slipping father into blackness to protect her. If she had been awake, if she were uninjured, if they were bonded, if he were not such a fool, he would be able to find her in a moment. As it were that was not the case. Instincts may be strong, and may guide. But instincts can not do so when there is no connection to make the map.

Opening his eyes he allowed himself to slowly come out of the self induced trance he'd needed to find her. Finding his father still in his mind as he became more aware took him back for a second. But it was a second he knew she could afford for him to take. Forcing himself upright and off the bed he settled back into his more rigid pose he began relaying what he could. She was injure. She was indeed capture. She was being threatened in a way that no Star Fleet officer should under the Europa Planet Conventions. She was frightened. She was fighting. He told them all that was not personal, anything that might help. He was afraid that the question would arise once he told them he had again been in contact with her again. It was Pike that had asked.

"Can you find her again? Do you think you could? Maybe tell us where she is?"

He answered all the questions with the same word, "No."

From across where Spock stood Sarek spoke. He did not need to raise his voice to be heard. But then again a Vulcan never raised their voice. Sarek's however could bring the entire floor of the Federation to a halt no matter how heated the discussion had been. "Yes my son, you can."

*~*~*~*

You are too kind. I do feel better. I just passed all the yucky sickness along to my 4 year old. Fun Stuff! Out of the frying pan, into the fire...

You know the best way to squelch a fire? Reviews! Please review! Even the smallest reviews make me joyously happy!

I'd just love to hear from you! And thanks for reading!


	21. Chapter 21

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic I'm fighting against it as I go, but it means my grammar skills stink.

~*~*~*~*~*~*

From across where Spock stood Sarek spoke. He did not need to raise his voice to be heard. But then again a Vulcan never raised their voice. Sarek's however could bring the entire floor of the Federation to a halt no matter how heated the discussion had been. "Yes my son, you can."

Spock crossed the room in a matter of a few strides. Those who were in his way moved. The violence that he barely held in check seemed to ripple outward in great waves of malice should any stand in his way. Spock's voice was calm when he spoke, his eyes were not "How".

Sarek looked around the room. "Leave us." He spoke with complete authority. He was used to being obeyed. All present began to move for the door. Stonn did not move because he was restrained to the table still growling and fighting for his release. T'Pring moved however it was not for the door, instead she moved closer to where Spock and Sarek were staring at each other. The air around them was thick with things unspoken. She had ever intention of being involved in their conversation. This would help her when it came time to break the bond. She would be secure in what she could would be granted from their family and then she could begin the life she wanted. The look she received from Sarek stopped her cold and took her breath away. "You were told to leave."

"All is silence with in the family Elder. I am family, so I shall remain."

"No, T'Pring you are not now, nor shall you ever be family. I know the depths of you treachery. Your intended bond mate needed you. You were to be his strength when he had none, yet where were you? You should have held what he could not. And you were not there. I am the head of this family. I made the bond which you have broken." Sarek raised his voice, something that rarely ever happened, but witnesses were needed. "Hear me now and bear witness. T'Pring you have been bonded to my son since the time of childhood. In the ways of our people you were joined. All that he had was to be yours, and he was to be all that you needed. Your ways, in actions have been found wanting. You have not held true to the ways of our people. You have not held your bond scared. There for I remove you from this bond that you chose to see as a means to and end. All will be as if it never happened. Family you are no more." When he leaved his gaze back on her it was hard and cold as the depths of space. "Leave. Now."

She did not question, she lowered her head as the weight of her shame came to rest on her shoulder. Whether it was same of her actions or shame at being caught neither carry, both were glad to be rid of her. Sarek knew what it was like to be bonded with someone who was less than desired, and he also knew what it was like to find your true bond mate. One who was half your heart and half your soul. There was nothing like that in all the worlds, or in all the galaxies.

He was not used to being questioned, so he fought hard look that came into his eyes when the Dr. McCoy spoke. "I'm not going anywhere. I've got a patient that needs to be attended too. And the minute I can get him knocked out long enough he's going straight surgery to repair the damage to that multilayered brain you pointy eared bastards got floating around in there. I'll probably be in surgery until next Tuesday. So sorry, Sir, but whatever you've gotta say you can say it in front of me. Consider it doctor-patient confidentiality or whatever you want to rationalize it as. I'm not going. Besides what if Spock has another psychotic episode and decides to tear this place apart. Someone's gotta be here with the tranquilizer gun. Lord know it's take as much as you'd give an elephant to get you guys down for even a minute."

Sarek noticed Spock's eyes startle then darken with anger. He had heard his son's promise. He knew that Spock had threatened that very thing. And while not completely logical, nor feasible, it would not stop him from doing all that he could to find her. No matter the damage done to himself, to those around him, to those who stood in his way. Nothing would matter until she was safe. Not even Spock's own safety. Sarek had lost too much to let that happen. This need was a need that Sarek knew all too well. He knew what it was like to be absent the most important thing in your life. He would give anything, do anything, even his own life to see Amanda safe again. While it was not possible for him, it was possible for his son. So to ease the pain in his own heart he would ease that within his son's.

Fighting a frustrated sigh Sarek looked past his son to the doctor. "You need him to remain unconscious for an extended period of time, but in his condition your medicine will not work? Am I to understand that to be correct?"

"No. I need him to remain unconscious and still long enough for the neural stimulators to fix that oh so complicated brain your race is so damn proud of. But if I give him that amount I won't have enough on hand for Spock should he relapse. I can only synthesize so much at a time, and every dose I give builds and immunity to it. Damnedest thing I've ever seen. I'd hate to have to give one of you surgery..."

As Bones continued to grumble Sarek walked over to Stonn, and put his hand to the younger Vulcan's shoulder. Bones had seen that action one other time. When Spock put Kirk out before throwing him off the ship for mutiny. "How longs that going to work? And can you teach me."

"I gave him a particularly strong suggestion, but I shall have my assistant go with you into surgery to assist in his sedation. Now doctor if you will excuse us." Sarek lead Spock to the far side of the room while Bones started prepping Stonn.

Sarek didn't know where to begin. Emotions had always been Amanda's forte. He knew Spock was growing restless for him to speak, but would not dare interrupt his father. Drawing a breath he began. "I could always... feel... your mother. She was... important to me before we bonded. Consider it a hold over from our more primal nature. Once we had... touched each other, even though it had not been a full meld I could always feel her. She remained on the cusp of my consciousness. It felt as though she were standing near or just in the other room. At a social function being held by the Federation to honor her for the invention of the universal translator I was able to find her in the crowed room easily. If you would share... her with me we might work together to find her. Our family has lost so much of late I would not see another member lost."

Spock stared at his father shocked. He had known. Sarek had known. 'Of course I did my son. I am not blind.' His fathers voice rolled through his mind. Spock felt his father looking through memories of Nyota to get a sense of her. They were looking for the wisp of her essence that Spock currently carried deeply guarded within. It was a watered down version of the part of her that Spock would forever carry with him.

Focusing on the memories and emotional connections his father would need, Spock brought them to the forefront of his mind. In Vulcan's such bonds were made through telepathy. In humans such bonds came about in various ways. The most intimate of these memories Spock would never share. But the ones that had surprised him, and caused him to open a deeply guarded part of himself to her. Those were the ones he shared. They were so very precious to him.

These where times when as she had told him that he had touched her soul. The day on the beach in Africa the last night of their trip. Sharing stories and conversations with her family of places they'd been in their travels on the first night of the same trip. Nyota had fallen asleep durning the conversation while on the porch swing with her head pillowed against his shoulder, after her family had gone to bed he'd kissed her to wake her. That had lead to him learning the beauty of watching an African sunrise when beheld with someone more dear to you than your next breath. The out door theatrical festival one fall night in San Francisco. The last play on the last night had been Pride and Prejudice. It had grown colder as the night drew in. In the dark no one knew he was Vulcan so holding her close when it had grown cold was only an act of logic. His body temperature being much warmer than hers. Spock had quoted lines quietly into her ear as she'd fought sleep in his arms. He thought he'd upset her when he noticed the tears in her eyes. She'd reached out and held his face, much like she had in the turbo lift, and the depth of the emotion she'd given him had literally stolen his breath.

'Your mother had a similar feelings when we first became involved. I would be interested to speak at length to you both, on your thoughts of the subject of Terran soul mates. Once she is returned to us of course.' The pain Sarek felt at his lose was sharp and present as his voice. Spock knew at once that his father would never fault him for his feelings towards Nyota. But one question plagued him since his father had brought the bond with T'Pring to it's close.

'Father, if you knew. If you were aware of T'Pring's... actions, of Nyota's importance... I do not understand? I can not find the logic in your actions.' Spock bought up the hate filled memories of his time being boned to T'Pring.

'Forgive me my son. Proof was needed. T'Pau thought T'Pring might replace her as priestess one day. As your bond mate and priestess she would have been matriarch of our family. T'Pring sought to rise above her station by using our family. I ensured that did not happen. The good of the many, must out weigh the good of the one, even if unfortunately that one is you my son. However I did not wait for T'Pau's arrival to separate you. T'Pring may suffer some... complications when or if she attempts to bond again. That is most unfortunate don't you agree.'

'Yes. Most unfortunate indeed.'

The lack of concern for one who had caused so much pain was not lost on either father or son. Sarek though he may not always show it was as protective of his son as any Vulcan father. And after recent enlightenments Spock had a new deeply felt appreciation of his father.

~*~*~*~

The door to the med lab opened and an excited Jim Kirk rushed in holding a PADD in his hands. "Spock, we found her PADD. Her new one, the one she got to replace the one they took. It was found in the dining room where breakfast was being served. She left you a message. Clever girlfriend you've got there, but this leads us to a bigger problem."

Spock and Sarek joined Kirk where he pointed to a message she'd smudged across the screen with her finger. Tilting the screen to better see the message she'd drawn across the glass caused Spock's breath to catch, only this time out of fear for her. Her message consisted of two words written although the finally stroke of the last letter was jagged and trailing as if she'd fallen while writing it.

_Find me_

_~*~*~*~_

Nyota felt a hand push against her mouth as she was fighting her way to wakefulness. Her body ached. Her brain felt as though it had been rattled in her head. She tried to draw breath to scream as the the memories slammed back into her. She started to struggle against the hands that held her. Every action brought pain.

"Shh you must stop. If Saval knows you are awake he will return. You are going to be moved to a location that is very dangerous to your friends the moment you are awake. Lie still and your comrades might still find you yet." Movement in the other rooms silenced them both. After a moment the movements began again and so did he. "My name is Thorval. They have my daughter as I told you. I will help you if you will help her. Do we have a deal?"

Nyota gave him an appraising look. She had always been a good judge of character. She'd sized Jim Kirk up in seconds. She was hardly ever wrong. And a parent would do anything to save their child, that was almost always a universal truth. So slowly in attempt to avoid the dizziness that came whenever she moved her head she nodded.

"Good."

*~*~*~*

I've stayed up till 5 in the morning to get this out to you. You know what would make my day easier tomorrow, since I'll be running on very little sleep?

Reviews! That would give me the energy I need to make it through my day!

Thanks for reading!

Please Review!


	22. Chapter 22

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic I'm fighting against it as I go.

" …" Spoken

'…' Thoughts

~*~*~*~*~*~*

The two Vulcan's followed Kirk into the lobby of the medical faculties where they join the would be senior staff of the Enterprise minus two. Bones who was still in surgery with Stonn, and Uhura. Chekov didn't even wait for them to reach the circle. The moment he saw Kirk he began speaking, his accent becoming thicker in his excitement. "I think we've found her, Sir. Or at least we've followed Mr. Spock's instructions know the general location of where she will be."

"We've already called for the security teams to meet up with us en route, Sir." Sulu spoke as though he were finishing Chekov's thought. He showed Kirk a spot on the map marked for the rendezvous.

"The Old Cadet's Chapel. That's on the complete opposite side of campus." Kirk said. The frustration that was apparent in his voice being felt by all. How had she been moved so far in such a short amount of time when all those present where supposed to be on the lookout for her.

Kirk instinctively turned to Scotty, knowing without a doubt that he would be the next one to speak. "Aye, but no worries. We should have our bonny lass back where she belongs within the hour. Just in time for a wee nip before we head off to get some much deserved shut eye." The Scotsman grinned at Kirk while handing him his, and Spock's utility belt, both men knowing their definition of 'wee nip' was vastly different than most.

Kirk turned to Pike, and Sarek. He hoped his next words wouldn't get him into trouble, but knowing they needed to be said all the same. "Sir, Ambassador, I think it would be best if you let us take it from here. It might get dangerous and I don't want anything to happen to either of you."

Pike took a moment to bite his tongue before he replied. "No unnecessary risks, Kirk do you hear me? We clear?" Kirk's smirk did not match his reply and Pike was not fooled.

"Crystal, Sir." Sarek however just stood there. His expression not giving away his thoughts. All Kirk could do was nod a the statuesque Vulcan. "Alright let's go." They headed out, Kirk taking up lead all the while chatting with the others about strategies. Spock gave Sarek a long look before turning slowly to follow the others.

Pike put his hand on the older Vulcan's shoulder and spoke. "Time to let the next generation take over. Huh?" After a deep breath and a long sigh Pike spoke again, "I don't know about you but I'm not ready to sit on the bench just yet. " He began walking after Kirk. Pike, and Sarek began bringing up the rear. The longer strides of the Vulcan had him caught up with the group in no time. Father and son exchanging a nod while Pike stepped up behind Kirk. The younger man hadn't even spared a glance for the late comers. It wasn't until they met up with the security team that he noticed the additions to the party.

While standing there talking about how to proceed Spock's posture straightened, becoming more alert. He was looking about as if looking around. Casting glances this way and that in the darkness. "Right, so everybody on the same page? Everybody know their jobs?" Kirk was speaking loud enough to be heard over the winters winds that cut through the Hudson River gorge. "Good. I want this done and over with quickly. Nobody take any needless risks, let's just go get our girl." There was a round of grunts of agreement.

Spock could feel her. Like his father had said, it felt as if he turned she'd be right there. He cast his eyes to his fathers and watched for a moment. Sarek's posture, while always imposingly straight, seemed slightly more so. His eyes were moving about in the darkness, searching for something he could not see. He'd rarely seen his father look so on edge. Few things in life had brought Sarek's protective instincts. His mother had been one. Spock knew how hard Sarek fought to repress his protective nature when anyone spoke out against his bond mate. Family was family. Spock considered Nyota his, therefore Sarek would do the same. Seeing these protective instincts so close to the surface of someone who'd seemed so unmovable in his youth gave Spock a new appreciation for his father.

'She is close.' It came through clearly through their familial bond.

Kirk called for the group to move out. Everyone fell into to step, each focusing on what was to come so much so that none noticed the lack of the two Vulcan's. The farther away the humans went the more the Vulcan's let their instincts come to bare. The stance became less static, and more defensive. They both began to clear all else from their minds. Focusing on where to find her. Spock listened intently to Sarek's instructions. 'Close you eyes. Think of nothing else. Concentrate fully on her presence. There. Hold to that. Reach harder.' Spock was thinking of a time when she was just out of his reach and how longed to bring her into his arms. He could see it clearly in his mind's eye as if that would been the scene that awaited him once he opened his eyes. 'Now move to her.' Spock opened his eyes and began to stalk forward. Sarek fell in step with him. They moved slipped into the night. Away from the direction that the others had gone.

~*~*~*~

Uhura fought back the darkness again at the feeling of a tiny hand stroking her cheek. 'Bones is going to kill me if I come back with a brain injury.... When. When I come back...' When she finally opened her eyes she was greeted to the sight of blond curls and pointed ears. N'neya, that was her name. She could see little lips moving but wasn't able to hear the words being spoken over the ringing in her ears. She tried to sit up but was stopped by little hands pushing her back down, pointing to something. Uhura noticed she was tethered to a pipe with wires that were attached to read outs of some sort. The heavy pressure on her chest forcing her back down brought her mind away from the strange piping. 'So even the little ones are strong. Have to keep that in mind for the future. If I have one, with Spock. Nope, Nyota don't wander there just yet, you've got to get out of this first.' The ring in her ears that blocking all the sounds she should have been able to hear was fading. Some of the words N'neya spoke were seeping in now.

"I tried to be good for them... I thought if I made him happy that the bad one would stay way... Please don't be mad at me... Maybe if we're really good he'll be happy again and let us go."

Uhura fought around the pounding in her head to ask the little girl what she was talking about. "My Daddy. He got really mad again and put us in here with this." Uhura tried to focus her blurry gaze on something nestled within the piping of the basement they were in. "I don't like him when he gets really mad. He doesn't act like my daddy when he's that mad. It's why my mommy doesn't live with him anymore. She said he wasn't safe, that its like two people live in daddy, and that I should stay away from him. But when he came to get me from school he was so sad. He said he just wanted to take me for ice cream. But then we came here."

Uhura hoped she was in some kind of crazy dream, but the pain wracking her body was an indication she wasn't. Still she hoped at any moment there would be pink elephants or some such crazy thing come dancing through the room. "Honey, do you know what thing is?"

N'neya bobbed her head up and down. "I do. I listen. Nobody thinks that I listening or that I know what they're saying but I'm a smart girl. My mommy always tells me I am."

Uhura cut in, "Honey what is it? Can you tell me? I'm sure you're very smart. I know you're the prettiest little thing I've seen in a long time. But right now I really want you to tell me what you know? Can you do that for me? Then we'll work on making your daddy happy again so we can get the... get out of here. Okay?"

Again little curls and pointed ears bobbed. "It's poison. It's going to poison the Vulcan's and make them really mad. Madder than my daddy gets. They were saying they'd given two of them a hypo to make it so the humans would have to stop looking for them, and work to fix the ones they'd hurt. Then they'd stop looking the poison. I heard them say it was working too. They were really happy about that. Nyota, did you know any of the Vulcan's that they hurt? I've never met a Vulcan. Mommy said they were strange."

"Yes honey I did." Uhura knew the exact two she was talking about. Spock and Stonn. As the pieces that had registered stated to fall into place for her she swore in Klingon.

"You really shouldn't say bad words like that."

~*~*~*~

The rescue party was in the final process of clearing the chapel. The Old Cadet's Chapel had been out of the way and was on lock down. No signs of entry, none of the doors or windows had been disturbed. There weren't even foot prints in the newly fallen snow around the building unless they'd been made by his group. Kirk tried to stay focused there had to be a reason they'd gotten a notification she was here. He was listen to Chekov, Sulu and Scotty argue when it hit him that Spock was not there. He hadn't seen him since they'd met up with the security team. He was just about to ask the others if they'd seen him when Cupcake called for him. He was holding Uhura's PADD that was attached to her Cadet Bag by wires.

"Looks like someone tried to turn it into a bomb. Either they did a poor job, or it's a dud. I've done my fair share of Ordinance Disposal, and it looks like a dud to me. They tried to use the PADD as a trigger, but it's not been charged in so long its dead."

Kirk was taken aback at this. A bomb. This was a trap. "Get everybody out of the building. I want them all out. We don't know what else is in there and I don't want anyone else back in there till tomorrow morning. Got it? I want this thing taken to a lab and studied. See if there's any useful information we can get from it. I want to know where she is and this is the closest link we've got." He watched as Cupcake set the thing on the ground to go relay his orders. He stared at the would be bomb. He couldn't help the feeling that they were missing something. Bending over he picked it up again placing the bag's strap over his shoulder and flipping the PADD this way and that to look for anything that might have been missed. Turning to speak to Scotty he thumped the dead hunk of plastics against his leg. "Damn it! Okay, what'd we miss. Let's go through this again. There's got to be something that we've missed! We saved the world damn it! Finding a girl who's been missing for a couple of hours on a campus that's on high alert looking for her shouldn't be as hard as that was!" He smacked the PADD against his leg letting it take the brunt of his frustrations.

The sounds of booting up electronics caught everyones attention.

Kirk tilted the PADD up so that the screen was visible to all. It was not hard to see the brightly glowing numbers counting down despite the falling snow. Lights had also started coming on from inside the bag.

"It's arming up."

Kirk broke off in a run towards the cliff face that West Point's campus was built on. He disappeared into the darkness of the storm at top speed. It seemed only a matter of moments before an explosion light up the night's sky.

*~*~*~*

I'm sorry it's not longer. I had to leave it there. I know it's mean so why don't you tell me about it!

Please Review!


	23. Chapter 23

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic. I will skip words or use the wrong ones if I get going too fast. And my grammar skills are bad. Let me know if/where I mess up and I'll fix it.

* * *

A massive explosion rocked the campus of West Point. Windows shattered and the repaired themselves. Buildings shook, dust falling from various untouched corners. Rocks placed lovingly in memorial atop gravestones in the cemetery falling from their respective perches. Alarms blared from within buildings and personal transports. Cadets jumped from their beds thinking it was an impromptu drill. Volunteer fire departments of the surrounding areas set off their sirens and sprang into action. Piping inside the old buildings vibrated with the shock wave and resulting sway of the explosion. Some broke.

In obvious places the damages would be noticed immediately. Uhura was not being held in one of those places so when juncture of large pipes over her head broke she was scared. Frigid water poured down on her. Try as she might she couldn't get completely out from under the torrent. The packed dirt floor became slick mud quickly. N'neya had began crying out for help. The water was rising quickly, it was climbing towards the child's knees soon enough. Finally when the door opened the sigh of relief died away quickly when Uhura noticed the hard look in the eyes of the being who had heard their cries. "This is not how I would have wished for you to be returned to your mother, but this will do." Thorval eyes then turned and bored into Uhura's. The emptiness she saw there scared her. It was not the same man she'd first met in the hallway with his daughter, nor was this the man who'd asked for her help. This man had no soul. Behind his eyes was a dark, oblivion that stole her breath.

"They all wanted to take her from me. Vulcan's wanted her raised as one of them. My kind want to use her against me. And it's all the fault of her detestable mother. So if they all want her, they shall have her. But if she can't be with me then they shall only have her shell." He roughly shoved his daughter back from the landing where she'd run to him, down into the murky water. "I am sorry N'neya. You were the light of my life and its greatest joy. This is the only way I can see to save you from thinking me a monster, because that is what they will teach you that I am. It will all be over soon, my darling." With that he turned out the lights and left.

Uhura heard the metal door close and lock into place, along with it her hope of any form of escape.

*~*~*~*

The shock wave knocked Sarek and Spock off balance. The father and son shared a look before Spock's words reached his father's mind. 'That is the direction the others went. I should see if they are in need of assistance.'

Sarek could feel his son's resentment as the words of Surak crossed between them. Sarek could feel the primitive side of Spock just below the surface. He could feel his son fighting to hold the darkness of those emotions in check. 'I need her, she is necessary. This will not be denied. She is mine as I am hers.' The words were more growled than spoken. He was losing his son to whatever toxin had been injected in him. Sarek could force Spock into a trance. Force the unconscienceness Dr. McCoy might use to perform the surgery, but if she were not there he would fight. He would fight the trance. Fight to be with his chosen. Fight against all that was keeping him from her. Spock would fight and nothing would hold him. No they had to find Nyota Uhura soon or his son's mind would be lost to him.

"We shall see to the others. Then we shall find her my son. I swear it to you." Sarek spoke the words aloud and projected with his mind, allowing his son feel the honestly and truth behind them. At his son's nod both Vulcan's set off towards the explosion.

At their naturally quick pace they neared the vicinity of the explosion in mere moments. The winds that ripped up the Hudson Valley and over the cliff face into West Point were horribly sharp and cold. Especially to a race that had evolved on a desert planet. It was painfully cold to them. Spock's thoughts immediately jumped to Uhura's words expressing that sentiment as she's stepped off the transport here. Coughing brought Spock from his thoughts. He followed the sound until he found Jim Kirk groaning as he stood using a Willow tree for support. When he noticed Spock he moved forward to greet him but ended up almost falling into the younger Vulcan.

"That thing packed a hell of a punch." Another coughing fit wracked through the younger man's body. "We found it while searching for Nyota..." Jim Kirk instantly stiffened as a thought drove his shock away. "And you would know that if you were with us. Why weren't you with us?"

"Because you were going in the wrong direction." Spock's voice gave no indication of the churning emotions that lay just beneath the surface. To him they were wasting time. To him this man was a rival for his intended's affections. She had told him otherwise and he believed her, however the primitive protectiveness of a Vulcan male would not allow for things his logical side knew. Aggravation, bred impatience, and tolerance was lost.

"Wha... Huh? How do you know that?" Kirk's breath was coming a little easier now. The sledgehammer was still trying to knock his brain from his skull, but at least he could breath. Although the next word Spock spoke brought both of those to a complete abrupt stop.

"I can feel her."

*~*~*~*

The water felt as if it were coming straight from the Hudson River itself. She was shivering from the pain in her side from the broken ribs, the pain in her shoulder from being thrown against the pipe, the pain in her wrist from metal binding her that would not give no matter how hard she had pulled against them, or the pain the bitterly cold water was inducing, she didn't know but it was threatening to take her mind from her if she didn't find away to fight for her conscienceness.

N'neya was doing much worse. The shock from her father's betrayal, the cold water, she shorter stature, and warmer nature were all working against her. Her little lips were turning blue. She was shivering as the water climbed higher up her body. "N'neya, come here." Focus on the child. That would keep her mind from slipping. She needed to work through this problem.

The others had to be looking for her. In the after math of that explosion they would all be called into a formation and when she didn't report in they would look for her. She just had to find a way to survive until then. "I can hold you if you'll climb up. That will keep you out of the water a little longer and we can share body heat." The little blond head bobbed up and down, it's curls long since lost to the weight of the water. She had forgotten that Vulcan children were denser and heavier than human children, not that a human child wouldn't have had the same effect on her. The injuries her body had taken screamed out at her as N'neya settled her weight against Nyota. She bit her lip to keep from screaming out in agony. "I think it might be better for both of us if we climbed up onto the pipes. That way we can get out of this water until help can come."

Hope is a powerful thing. It brought a spark of life back to the child. The warmth Nyota left at seeing it reawaken was quickly dowsed as the pain bit back into her sharply as the child climbed her battered body. She felt something shift inside her that shouldn't shift and a sharp piercing pain accompanied it. So she kept talking focusing on keeping her voice even. "I'm a member of Star Fleet, and they'll be looking for me when I don't show up for the next formation. Which they'll call after that explosion to make sure we're all okay. Then they'll probably set out looking for me. So we don't have to worry cutie, someone will find us soon." At least she hoped so.

*~*~*~*

"What do you mean you can feel her?" Kirk was beginning to wonder if Vulcan's were magical on some level. They could touch your mind and share things you'd never seen. Their intelligence boarded on frightening. They were long lived. They didn't marry, they bonded. He shook these fantastical thoughts from his head now was not the time to go on tangents. He'd question the over grown elf later. "Whatever. Let's go get our girl, huh?" Sarek and Spock exchanged a look that was loaded with meaning he was not privy to. If he had to venture a guess he'd said the wrong thing, again. He started back the way they had come and stopped when he didn't hear any other footsteps. Turning to see why he looked at the two Vulcan's and his shock could have registered on the Richter scale. How could they be mediating at a time like this! Was Spock just oblivious? I mean not only had they threatened Uhura, they had stolen her PADD to get more information on her, then used that very PADD to rig a bomb for any that were trying to find her. This was no time to be mediating!

Kirk had turned and just about to shake that damnable Vulcan from his meditations when Sarek's voice called him off. "It would be inadvisable for you to touch him now. The toxin's effects are raging with in him. He seeks the one who could quell it's fires and in order to do so he must concentrate on that which she has left within him. I am attempting to help him. If it is your wish to remain with us, then you must not interfere." At Kirk's nod Sarek closed his eyes to joined his son in his thoughts.

Spock's thoughts were tumultuous at best. He could not focus. His emotions were too much, they were raging with fires that his ancestors had not been able to control. He would think of her only to be fed a false memory of her in another's arms. Or saying words that had never and he hoped would never come from her mouth. She had always praised him, told him how important to her he was. He had never hoped to hear the things that laid his soul bare coming from her mouth. Her voice was harsh, and sharp as she told him of her disappointment in him. How she would never stoop so low as to be with a male who could not protect her. All the disappointments of his life were being recounted by a voice that was hers, but at the same time was not.

'Focus, my son. Find the truth. Human women such as your mother, such as your Nyota are not so fickle. She has given you herself over to you. She holds you within her heart. Find her in yours. She is there. Look deeper. Go deeper. She will be there.'

Flashes of her smile. Nights when her eyes showed him her soul. Days where even the rain could not kill the fire with her kiss. Moments stolen in class rooms. Brief touches of fingers as they passes each other in hallways. Pleasure taken in the simple act of brushing her hair. An exuberant message over a holo vid screen telling him how deeply she missed him while visiting her family in Africa. Feeling the emotion of him filling an empty place in her heart as they shared an embrace after her return. A glimpse of her head on his lap as he had read sonnets to her during a picnic shared on their weekend excursion to Sedona. Her rolling her head back to look up at him. Her hand touching his cheek, his fingers against her temple. The tears in her eyes at feeling the deeply guarded emotions pass through him into her.

'There. Stay there. Show me this. Live in this moment.'

Spock did as his father instructed. He reached to find what emotions exactly had passed between them. Pushing hard against the darkness clouding the echo of her left within him. Moving deeper into the bond that was formed but not formalized.

'Go deeper. Times when you shared with her as well maybe called for. You have not bonded with her recently. You are not bonded mates as such the connection must be refreshed. When it is not it will fade. But she has taken you into her, as have you it will be there you must look.'

Spock did as his father asked. Keeping the focus tighter. Panting breaths shared in a darkened room. A question never voice but answered all the same. The feeling of finding completion. Home she had called it. Melding with him was like her soul coming home. My other half. The love of my life. My soul mate. A twin flame. Half my heart. Half my soul. All that I am, all that I shall ever be, is yours.

Then blackness.

Spock and Sarek gasp at the same time as they returned to their conscience minds. The look that passed between them was grim.

"What! What is it? Spock! What's going on?" Kirk was beginning to panic at the way the two Vulcan's seemed to twitch with nervous energy without moving at all.

It was Spock who replied his voice just above a whisper, although once Jim heard the words he wished he hadn't.

"She is gone."

* * *

I had to leave it there. I know it's mean so why don't you tell me about it!

Please Review!

Please! It's so wonderful to hear from you. It gives me inspiration to post quicker!


	24. Chapter 24

Disclaimers:

Star Trek is in no way, shape, form or fashion owned by me. It's just much beloved by me.

I'm dyslexic. I will skip words or use the wrong ones if I start typing too fast. And my grammar skills are the best. But I did try and I hope you enjoy it.

Last time:

"She is gone."

What Was Lost...

Having the ability to multi-task is an inherently female trait. If not born with the ability females will acquire and hone that ability as part of the rearing of offspring. While Jim Kirk was not female he did have a healthy respect for them in whatever form they took. During his endeavors to enjoy the many traits and aspects of as many females as he could he had managed to pick up a few of their more useful habits. Such as multi-tasking which at the moment was coming in very handy.

All at once he heard many things. Sarek asking Spock clarify the statement he'd just made. Something that Kirk would very much like to know the answer to himself. Spock quietly calling out for the women he just deemed lost. A heavy metal door squeaking it's protest at being used after years of disuse. And a language that sounded a little like Vulcan but not enough that he could figure out the majority of the words. One that sparked a repressed memory but set him on alert, and set his mind alight with questions.

"Ambassador are those guys part of your party? If so mind telling me why the hell they are all the way out here?"

"I see none that I recognize. And taking into account all that has gone on this night I believe answers to your queries are warranted."

"Well okay then. You don't have to tell me twice." Kirk stepped closer to the newly emerged group and noticed absently that they were splattered with large amounts of water. Something that would cause a problem to a desert race especially with the cold winds of the Hudson Valley. "Hello gentlemen, mind telling me where you came from and what it is you're doing so far away from the main buildings. And wet no less"

Hearing Kirk's words had brought Spock shattered attention on to the men who had just stepped out of the water pumping station for the campus. None were moving. None were speaking. Answers were not forthcoming and the younger Vulcan was quickly losing his grasp on his over taxed control. "You will identify yourselves as the requested!" The edge in his voice was sharp and unmistakable. It crawled over Kirk's skin and visions of the last time he'd heard such a tone from the normally sedate Vulcan.

There was a study done that said in stressful situations while time does not actually slow down it will appear to do so for those being held within the grasp of said situation. It had become a part of the officer training that taught people how to handle themselves appropriately. Jim Kirk thrived in these situations. He loved the rush he got from them, to the point that he could waltz through them as those taking a summer stroll through a field of flowers. However, with recent events being what they were he knew that this was not one of those times that he would be waltzing through unscathed.

When the group finally decided to speak up the spokesmen they chose was one whose face was known and got an instant reaction from the younger Vulcan. "We seem to have been lost we were looking for an exterior tunnel to return us to..." The sentences was never finished. In the time he had used to say those words another male had joined them. He was wet from the middle of his person and not in a manner that spoke of being splashed. He was wet in the way on would be from wadding through waist deep water.

This struck Kirk as odd, so as any good officer would do he stepped back to look at the bigger picture being presented. They said they were looking for a way back to the hotel but, no such tunnels existed on this ancient campus. They were presenting themselves in a manner that didn't match with their behavior. Add to the fact that he had just thrown a rather large bomb over the side of the mountain that should have gone off about this time – it would have been an excellent diversion. Then that they were speaking in a language he did not understand but the key words he'd gleaned were of a missing, much beloved crew member. Considering she'd been threatened and Spock had said she was gone this was adding up to one answer and it wasn't good.

Sarek ever the diplomat stepped forward to take the lead and hopefully gain some answers. "We would be happy to find escorts for you. As a matter of fact this very night after there are several parties of individuals out in search of someone that has gone missing."

"Which person has gone missing? Do we know her?"

Spock spoke next making his voice much calmer than her felt, while taking his father's approach. "Yes, it is Cadet Nyota Uhura. You met her just the other night in the lobby of the mail hotel. She was speaking the Captain Pike and myself. I remember a seeing another of your present party that night as well. Have you seen her in your... wanderings?"

A series of looks passed between the members of the group. The underlying sense of panic set within those gazes where not lost on those seeking information. So Spock continued. "If there is some information you would care pass along it would be most helpful. Cadet Uhura is very important, as is the necessity that she be found quickly. The Federation would be displeased if anything were to happen to one of the... what title did you use the... 'Saviors of Earth'. So if there is any information..."

"Yeah and while you're sharing why don't you tell us why he's all wet. Not a good idea for the middle of winter in New York, and especially not with those winds ripping through the Hudson Valley." Kirk was wound tight and ready to fight. He knew theses guys knew something. It was just a matter of either getting them to spill or slip up.

The one Spock recognized as Thorval spoke, "It is most unfortunate that your friend has gone missing. But as you can see there are no Federation personnel with us. You are the first of such we have seen tonight. Had we but seen another then perhaps we would not have become so misdirected. As for why my companion is wet... We had not counted on venturing outside during our stay so came ill equipped for the conditions. So your offer of an escort is most welcome. Now if you would be so kind as to do so..."

Spock was rapidly losing what little patience he had left. "You are not answering the questions posed to you. Do so, quickly." The threatening posture was not lost on anyone present. And it seemed the closer he moved to the evasive group the more so it became. He completely ignored the insistent demands his father was broadcasting to him. Nor did he listen to Jim Kirk's hushed pleas to calm down. He recognized Thorval. He knew that he involved in all that was threatening Nyota. He knew that his male held the answers he sought. And that he would give those answers even if he had to take them from him in pounds of flesh.

Spock leapt over the railing to land directly in front the one who was no doubt at or very close to the center or all the recent disturbing events. As he drew breath to reassert the importance that the questions posed to him be answered he heard the sound of large amounts of water rushing. "What have you done." The words were barely that, more a growl and their native language only adding to their menacing sound.

"I have done what needed to be done. I have done what was not finished. I will bring down all those that would stand in our way." A maniacal glint showed through the obsidian orbs. "The full effects of what I have done will not be known for sometime, and by then it will be far too late."

Kirk had thought what he had witnessed on the bridge was the full extent of an enraged Vulcan's fury. He might have been close in his assumption, but this was far worse. Spock's movements where a blur. He had obviously held back when they had fought, and after seeing what was being brought to bear, he would be eternally grateful for whatever had caused Spock to do so. Six to one would have been impressive odds before he'd been witness to this, but now he though Spock might be able to handle more. Kirk knew without a shadow of a doubt any future Away Missions he went on he was bringing Spock with him, regulations be damned.

"Where is she!" Thorval laughed which enraged the younger Vulcan more. "You will tell me or you will die by my hand." Spock growled as he again threw the smaller males body against the heavy metal door.

"Help me! Please someone, help! Can you hear me? We need help!"

I didn't drop off the face of the Earth. I did have my life run threw a blender though. And while the blender is slowing down it hasn't stopped. I promise the story won't be abandoned, and it is drawing to a close. Bear with me and I will get there. Also please forgive any glaring errors it's 4:52 as I upload this and my eyes are crossing from lack of sleep...

But if you wanna help me light my muse?

Please Review!


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